Dealing with your child's stepmother

[singleproudmum]

My ex and I have 2 small children and he is now married to the woman he left our family for.
Since we split, about 5yrs ago, myself and my kids have had nothing but hassle from this woman, she belittles me to my kids and has little digs at them. I have told my ex how she treats our kids but he doesn't believe me as my children say that she is always nice when their dad's around.

Obviously, I have asked the ex to see the kids without his wife around but he won't hear of it. My kids want to see their dad and the only way they can is if she is there too.

I was hoping for any advice as to how I could get her to stop her snide remarks, why does she hate me and my children when she helped to break my family apart?

Also, I do realise that most stepmum's treat their partner's children well!

Also (I wouldnt have said this from looking at OP but as things have gone on) it is clear spm that you have it in for step mums as a group and I do beleive that it could be that your children are picking up on this.

You were so worked up yesterday that you can't have been a very calm person to be around.

I truelly am sorry that your ex's new partner isnt your cup of tea. But I would also suggest that you speak with someone about the anger you feel.

I dont know if you read my posts about the negative energy I find is being generated by my situation with my partners ex but I have since sort out a stress guidence consultant who I have spent a couple of lunch breaks working with on managing my feelings towards her. Don't get me wrong, she's a poisonious being and I've got a long way to go if I am to forgive her behaviour towards DSD, my DP and myself but hopefully I'm working on it early enough before it starts to rub off on the kids or my relationship.

I'm sue that'll go down like a lead balloon but on the off chance that you'll accept it as well intended advice I thought i'd give it a go.

Omg, can some people not see where I'm coming from? honestly how many more times do I need to spell it out!

I don't have it in for stepmums in general!.
I have a step mum who has been great to me!

I am trying to say that some of you on the step parent forum come across as cruel and bitter!.
How dare you insult me by implying that I was worked up and can't have been calm to be around?. My ONLY problem is with a SMALL bunch of women who seem to have it in for ex's and in some cases their ex's children!.

Whatever MJ.

Other people can read all threads themselves and make their minds up who is being insulting and who isn't, if they want to.

I have nothing to be ashamed of.

MJ, disney thread a joke eh? hhmm

lead balloon assumption correct then.

At least when I posted about how much hate I had for my partners ex I sought some help for it.

Well I'm going to give you something to complain about SPM: you state that some stepmums complain about looking after their stepchildren, and that it feels like 'duty'. You are correct in your observations. Although I have to say the term 'duty' is an understatement. This weekend, which started yesterday (only in 'stepparenting' world does the weekend extend from Thur-Sun) it feels more like a jail sentence. Access weekends descend over our household like black clouds, blotting out light and happiness. Bleak, relentless, claustrophobia is now in place til Sunday, 7pm.

So there you have it - maybe I'm one of the evil stepmothers you allude to. I'm just going to put some washing on, and then I'll come back and see what you've got to say about that.

mjovertherainbow Fri 28-Jan-11 08:20:59
Add message | Report | Message poster mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 21:52:22

SPM what repsonse do you expect, when you have called the posters on this thread "pathetic" and a "pack of wolves??

You have the impression you arent welcome on this thread, you are right, you arent, I am happy to endlessly debate the topic with you, but you arent going to get a reasoned response on this thread, you have been far too insulting to its contributors.

My exact wording, copied and pasted, just to save you misquoting me again.

I think that says it all really, MJ can dictate who is and is not welcome in situations, poor poor stepkids as this will be the attitude to all in life! poor poor innocent kids, it looks like the disney character is still alive and kicking!!

petal I love your comment about weekends extending to thurs-sun in step-parent households... or thursday to monday morning in our case!!

Sometmes, SPM, when the ex says 'Yes, you can have DSS for two nights', but an hour after he arrives she rings saying that she wants him back for midday the next day or she'll ring the police, or when we take DSS on an outing and refuse to come back early to accomodate her and she does send the police to come get him, or when she refuses Manshape access because he wants to bring his own son to our house, or when she threatens to move to Ireland with DSS and not tell anyone when or where she's going, or when she tells her son that 'Daddy has another family now, he doesn't love or need you anymore' it is a bit difficult not to feel spite towards her.

But you know what? I swallow it down, i don't make a fuss, i say absolutely nothing to her because i know if i do it will make everything worse. I cancel my own plans at a moments notice because she holds DSS and access over manshape.

And you know what else? I have nowhere else to vent. So i come onto MN and vent here.

I'm sorry if you think that's pathetic, but you know what, i don't actually care.

Just trying to be controversial! Am now off to google 'magic spells' so that I can turn stepson into a mouse - and then set the cat onto him.

Surely THAT will make SPM turn purple and implode????? Well it was worth a try! Some people are very easy to wind up !!!

Your projections and incorrect information continually give you away, you have accused me of things that are incorrect, and your comment at feeling sorry for an exhusband, show you up for who you are also, keep going, I think it is calling hanging yourself!

Lady T - you have my sympathies if your "weekends" run from Thurs-Mon !! However, normal rules don't apply in Step-World, do they????

Not in ours anyway petal! It's thursday after school until school drop off monday morning...

I actually don't mind as my DDs here and I like to have them together. It's just that when this is the case, constantly hearing that I have no right to call myself a step-parent as I'm not married and being told by her mum that DSD doesnt enjoy being here is a bit much to take.

I mean, If her DD hates being here so much, what kind of mother would make her do it so blimmin often?! But I digress

No one would pity my bonus son either - he's waited on, hand on foot from arrival to departure. We even have to use different toilets when His Emminence is in the building !!! The poor lamb may be traumatised if he realised women have bladders (just checking, surely I'm not the only girl who needs to wee?) so to shelter him from the perils of Reality, I wee elsewhere from Thurs-Sun. SPM, if you think I'm making that up, then check back through the threads on the stepparenting board ...

"Surely you must know that however small a child is he/she can pick up on the feelings of hatred and resentment a jealous stepmum can show towards them?."

SPM- Many many children pick up the jealousy and resentment that their mum feels towards their step mum! Is that you?

Both of my SC are made to feel guilty that that they want to spend equal amounts of time with me, their Dad and my DD, we are a FAMILY, just as much as they are a family with their mum.

Last week my SD spent almost 2 hours in her room cyring because her mum had said some very nasty things about me and my daughter, Why? Tell me why would you as a mother want to do that to your daughter.

I have been a lone parent, I am an ex, I am a stepmother and my daughter has a stepmother who is the most wonderful addition to my daughters life.

I firmly believe that it is up to the adults to ensure that the children suffer as little as possible when parents split. Even if its after an affair (for the record I met my husband a few years after his divorce)

Finally, most steps and mums only want the very best for their entire families