Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

support thread for people who find it hard as LPs...

821 replies

simpson · 16/11/2010 23:01

just wondering if this has been done before...

I have 2 Dcs (2 & 5) and am bringing them up by myself (H allowed to have phone contact only due to his fuck wittery {I love that phrase Blush Grin})

Sometimes its soooo hard doing it by myself Sad

DS had parents evening today and although his comments from teachers were fab most all of the other parents were couples.

Sometimes it hits me that I have to do everything myself Sad

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Scorps · 03/01/2011 21:24

i don't understand about all this 'i know you hate me and im sorry' business. it was his decision, not mine. All the bad things were his choice.

splishsplosh · 03/01/2011 21:30

I've had all that, Scorps, though is sometimes trying to make me feel guilty for leaving him, or making out I am selfish because won't try again.

I guess just because your ex behaved badly, didn't mean he wanted to lose you, but that's something he has to take responsibility for

Original poster
simpson · 03/01/2011 21:33

sorry splish X posts Smile

I am looking forward to DC going back to school tom too Grin

My DC seems about the same age as yours btw Smile

DS missed the last 2wks before Xmas hols due to chicken pox and then DD had it the wk before that so its the first time I have been to the school/nursery gates in ages

I will have a few hrs to myself tomorrow to MN clean. As while DS is at school, DD will be at nursery from 9till 1pm

OP posts:
splishsplosh · 03/01/2011 21:39

Hi Simpson Smile

Dd1 had the pox back in the summer, though luckily not too badly, dd2 has escaped it so far - she just gets endless colds and coughs! Sounds like your poor ds had it badly.

tomorrow is an inset day so not back til Wednesday, but they are due to go to ex's mum tomorrow as they haven't seen them since start of holidays, so can do something. Not clean though!

Original poster
simpson · 03/01/2011 21:46

I am just glad they were well on Xmas day although both of them missed their Xmas parties Sad

And the snow did not help as we were stuck in the house as I don't drive.

Hannis - your post made me LOL Grin as the agency you mentioned is DD's name and thats what I call her if she is being a little madam Grin

Not thought of that though so will look into agencies Smile

OP posts:
Scorps · 03/01/2011 21:47

I am in chicken pox hell at the mo! Lacey has them badly, even on the bottom of her feet :(

Original poster
simpson · 03/01/2011 21:51

Awww bless her Sad

DS is covered in scars all over his chest & back. I just hope they fade....

OP posts:
splishsplosh · 03/01/2011 22:00

I had some brilliant cream when dd1 had it, Eurax i think it's called - it is meant to stop itching for hours, and it did seem very effective.

I'm sure the scars will fade gradually, Simpson. Otherwise could always try something like bio oil maybe?

Original poster
simpson · 03/01/2011 22:02

somebody else mentioned bio oil actually so maybe I will get some when I am in town tomorrow after dropping DD at nursery Smile

OP posts:
Meglet · 03/01/2011 22:07

Hello splish . Have a good day tomorrow!

We've had a nice Xmas break and I only have one more day before I'm back to work. Now we have to survive until Springtime, I can't stand the winter Sad.

splishsplosh · 03/01/2011 22:11

hello meglet Smile - glad you've had a nice break
I quite like winter, love snow if i've got enough in the cupboards and don't really have to actually get anywhere! Man running the fairground ride in town today assured me it is meant to snow january 14-16 and all feb!

Meglet · 03/01/2011 22:20

See, I actually love the snow if I'm trudging through it but it's a PITA with work and the dc's..... and the supermarket deliveries.

Loving the weather forecasting fairground man!

iwillmakeit · 03/01/2011 22:26

Simpson - just to butt in and say, I am amazed at how much my 2ds cp scars have faded since they had it. The eldest still has a big one on his chest but gets smaller every year. So dont worry too much, bio oil is gd but v expensive, mayb see if the pharmasist can reccommend something else?

If it snows before sch on weds will personnally go and clear the carpark.... not that Im desperate for them to go back or anything!! Grin

JustForThisOne · 03/01/2011 22:28

may I join the club?
six years down the line I have not found a balance yet!

JustForThisOne · 03/01/2011 22:30

actually wanted to ask if there is also a tread for totally single LP, ie other parent out of the picture totally from day one. I have run a search but could not find it

Meglet · 03/01/2011 22:42

justforthisone My XP is long gone (abusive nutjob), we split when DS was 2 and DD was 4months. He hasn't seen the DC's since July 09 and refused to go to a contact centre. He does pay maintenance but that's it, and while the DC's are young that's how I'm happy for it to be.

JustForThisOne · 03/01/2011 23:06

maintenance.... such a lovely sound that word Smile

Jellykat · 04/01/2011 00:08

Maintenance? What's that then?...

Just got back from the film (was good,and no XP).. Guess what? There were adults out there- they moved and everything! Shock

JFTO- There is a thread, i'm on it!but can't remember what its called, will try and find it tom... DS1s dad said "It's me or the baby" when i was 3 months pregnant,guess which i chose.. legally father 'unknown' as he threatened me, he got married when DS1 was 4, and his wife got him to see DS1 a bit for 4 yrs, but she left him eventually, and then he didn't bother..He posted a really horrible comment on DS1s FB wall,on his 22nd birthday this Xmas Eve.DS1 just said "what a knob" and we've ignored it..

I didn't live with DS2s dad,and discovered he was seeing my best friend,and mother of my niece! when DS2 was 3 months old..So i've always done it by myself too!he now sees DS2 once a year.

Simpson Hows the babysitting hunt going?..

Also just to add, it does get easier,as the DC get older and become more independent, you get more time to do what you need/want
to do..

NewYearNewSolo · 04/01/2011 00:15

Adults?! Shock

gillybean2 · 04/01/2011 08:19

Anyone else wondering how they're going to get their dc back into school mode. Just woke ds and said that this time tomorrow we'll be leaving the house. His response was to turn over and go back to sleep!

And I've been awake since 2am, stressing about work. Am meant to be changing my hours from 18hrs a week to 30hrs a week (but now term time only) as of yesterday. Am stressing like mad about it and whether the additional stress and giving myself no lea way for time to collect ds from school, car problems and the like is going to be too much to handle. I really can't take any more stress in my life.

Up till now I have enjoyed flexible part time hours (been working there 5 years now), but been told if i'm changing now I need to be there for 9am by the personel manager, even though my boss originally said he was fine with flexibility still as long as my hours added up to my weekly hours at the end of the year.
So now really stressed that I'm not going to be able to be there for 9am every day on teh dot, especially as one of my colleagues was having a moan that even if she's 10 mins late and stays half an hour late to make up for it they're not happy about it. So wondering if I'm letting myself in for a lot of the same pressures she seems to be under. Have been trying it the last month to get there for around 9am, and mostly managing it give or take 10 mins for traffic. But wondering if it's really worth the stress, the rushing, and running round like crazy. Before I was arriving early (way before my 10am start and leaving with lots of time to pop to shops, get petrol, have a wander etc before collecting ds). But since I've been testing out the 6 hour day on a trial basis he's now texting me the minute I am late even though I've told him I will be 10 mins later picking him up...

Reason I'm changing is that ds is now at secondary and so I can do more hours and don't need a day off to help out at school (like I used to use my day off for). Could quite easily go up to 27.5 hours a week, but I'm trying to do the 30 hours a week to boost my wtc and reduce my child care costs for holidays, which will hopefully mean that I can cover the cost of petrol to work (at the moment am over by at least £10 a week which I simply haven't got allowance for in my budget - and thats before the VAT and duty increase today).
I can't decide which is more stressful - not making ends meet or rushing about like a crazy thing! Commute is half hour to drop ds at school and then another half hour further on to work (the joys of living in a rural village). So any delay can really add up. Like the snow which meant ds was 2 hours late getting to school! I'm stuck here as simply can't afford to move too and I do quite like living here.

Am trying my best but the stress is building up and I know it won't take much to push me over the edge again. When does any of this get any easier!?

BEAUTlFUL · 04/01/2011 09:41

Can I join in? Have just had the hardest ever wee with the kids. Eldest is 7, possibly Dyspraxic. Youngest is 3, adorable, but into everything and getting defiant.

They never want to do the same thing. They fight all the time. Eldest wets himself, youngest won't use the potty.

I have shouted so much this week. Sad

Original poster
simpson · 04/01/2011 10:33

God I am soooo glad that it is back to school Grin

Beautiful - I feel your pain re the potty. DD is 3 at the end of this month and refuses point blank to sit on potty so is still in nappies but will wee on toilet at her playgroup Hmm

I have just found an ice cream (well sorbet) DD can eat!!!
She is severely intolerant to dairy, soya, oats & barley.

I am soooo pleased Grin

OP posts:
Scorps · 04/01/2011 10:36

beautiful - my eldest is Dyspraxic and possibly Autistic. Ask away :)

Another text today. "You know i hate that we don't talk i don't like not hearing from you". I replied that he chose to leave, and that has changed it. Thats it.

Sigh. Was up til midnight struggling with feelings, so i wrote an unsent email to him. It felt very cathartic but i see no point in sending it to him.

gillybean2 · 04/01/2011 11:05

No dont send it Scorps. Writing it down is enough. Don't give him more reason to talkto you about it, argue and ignore/deny your feelings by letting him see it.

Another good thing to try when you're feeling like contacting or that you should maybe try again, or things weren't so bad as being alone is to write a list. One coloumn of all the good things about your relationship, and one of all the bad things. If it's anything like my list the bad side is way way way longer than the good. And the good stuff certainly doesn't weigh up anywhere close against the bad stuff. It reminds me that I need to avoid him like the plague and not to ever think about going there again.

emmakneesupmotherbrown · 04/01/2011 11:12

The very mention of Potty Training brings me out in a rash... oh the memories...

ds2 (autistic) was 5 before he was 'dry' during the day.. and I still lift him at night now (he'll be 9 in July) and have to have towels AND a waterproof mat thing under his sheet JUST in case.. he still has some avant garde ideas about where he can relieve himself... I think the worst (and therefore most amusing) has to be his scaling the gardenfenceand peeing in the neighbours drain ShockGrin

its very quiet - ds2 is back at school.. ds1 has an inset day and is pottering around pretending to tidy his pokémon paraphenalia away... I'm ploughing through 'mount washmore' and ignoring the fact I have a evere caase of carers fatigue..