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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

support thread for people who find it hard as LPs...

821 replies

simpson · 16/11/2010 23:01

just wondering if this has been done before...

I have 2 Dcs (2 & 5) and am bringing them up by myself (H allowed to have phone contact only due to his fuck wittery {I love that phrase Blush Grin})

Sometimes its soooo hard doing it by myself Sad

DS had parents evening today and although his comments from teachers were fab most all of the other parents were couples.

Sometimes it hits me that I have to do everything myself Sad

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Original poster
simpson · 02/01/2011 21:13

I had a little "flirtation" with a bloke 10yrs younger than me straight after splitting with H.

Was rather fun Grin

OP posts:
Jellykat · 02/01/2011 21:24

Or Bribery for your brother then..or blackmail,got anything on him? failing that a headlock?

oh, if only we all lived closer to each other!
Grin

Original poster
simpson · 02/01/2011 21:26

PMSL at headlock Grin Grin

Will leave asking him till tom I think....

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Jellykat · 02/01/2011 21:37

Oh you will let us know what he says? fingers crossed!

Well i'm going see a film tom- only with family, but am going to see 'Mr Nice' with Rhys Ifans in.. yummy yum!

Pray to god XP isn't there,we were supposed to see it together, and its only on for 2 nights..

Original poster
simpson · 02/01/2011 22:42

fingers X for tomorrow night (that your ex not there)

Enjoy film Smile

I think I should be ok for just going out early as my dad might do it.

He can't cope with both DC by himself for long periods Hmm

But they will be in bed and he can't babysit too late as he is going to a footie match on sunday...

OP posts:
NewYearNewSolo · 03/01/2011 01:00

Phew! not read the whole thread, but caught up with a lot of it.

Scorps · 03/01/2011 10:52

Lacey (dd2, she's just 1)has really bad chickenpox. On some parts of her its just linking spots, no skin :(. I'm coping fine though, she is just BF alot. Boys are playing Xbox and dd1 has a Peppa Pig sticker book, so it's easier to deal with the baby when the others are preoccupied.

Also have realised Tax Credits have reduced money because Lacey is over 1. Sigh. Hate relying on every pound now :(

Original poster
simpson · 03/01/2011 11:44

Scorps - both my DC (5 & 2) have just recovered from CP. It was horrid. DD was ok with it really just a bit spotty on her bottom Smile

But DS (5) had it really badly. He was just on big spot Sad with them in his eyes, up his nose & very poorly. He missed the last 2wks of school.

He is better now but even now 4wks later has still got some spots and loads of scars all over his tummy etc.

I can't imagine a LO with it Sad as they are too young to understand iyswim Sad

DD also into Peppa pig sticker books Smile

OP posts:
Scorps · 03/01/2011 14:06

she is ok in herself though, poor little thing.

I'm so cross today, I can literally feel it radiating out of me. Went into town and ds1 (who is ASD) had a big tantrum in town, and ended up hitting me at the bus stop. I very calmly tried talking him down, and a couple kept staring at me. A nice lady who stood next to me helped me out, she has an autistic grandson so she understood. I overheard her telling the couple on the bus about how difficult it is. Then H has text me again today saying sorry i hate him. What does he want me to say?! I just ignore it. Seriously though, he has treated me awfully but can't leave me alone. I did everything i could to fix my marriage but its not just my work it could survive on. Yes, i miss him, yes im scared, yes im worried, trying to be brave. But he did so much and i can't be his friend. He made these decisions, not me. I'm normally a very friendly person and have no issues with anyone else - he even said yesterday he couldn't bare to go 'cold turkey' from me and doesn't want to watch me move on or hate him.

When will it all stop, be easier? Is there anymore to life than get up, do kids, go to bed?

nixnjj · 03/01/2011 16:04

Can i join too please. Simgle mum to DS aged 6. Been on my own since pregnancy due to DV. Ex has no involvement and no family support either, figured it would get easier when lo started school but obviously the economy had other idea's. Can't see it getting much better anytime soon so have lost my PMA and am finding it hard to be positive about much atm

Jellykat · 03/01/2011 16:07

Scorps How horrendous! Has your XH been haunting you like that all year since you split?

Do you still love him?..Have you said everything that you need to say to him?..
Has he made any attempt to sort himself out?

At the end of the day if he refuses to meet you half way and put some real effort in,all he is doing is trying to keep you attached on an emotional level.

If you really truly want it to stop now-how about getting a new SIM and mobile number?
They're cheaper if you get them online.At least that will stop any daily exchanges, and give you a bit of peace.

Jellykat · 03/01/2011 16:09

Hello nixnjj..Am being really dim i know, but whats a PMA?

nixnjj · 03/01/2011 16:34

Positive Mental Attitude, sorry hangover to my career days. I kept myself sane during the hard stuff by telling myself things would get better, but to be honest about 18 months ago I realsied I was lying to myself rather than being positive

Jellykat · 03/01/2011 17:11

Ah! But a PMA got you through the hard stuff,that was a good thing Smile

Thing is, i'm not up or down as such.. I know i'm not going to be whisked off away from it all,or win the lottery..but hell, the kids are good at the mo,my phone bill got paid over Christmas,i haven't got flu this week,meeting my friend for coffee as soon as the kids go back, etc..There are little positives all the time!

I always find this time of year really tough-no sunshine,too cold to sit by the sea,not much daylight,being wrapped up like a lumpy bag of wool.. etc. Am looking forward to spring!

Hannispan · 03/01/2011 19:14

Simpson have you tried a sitter agency? I did and found it reasurring to have someone who came with references and had been checked out. Miss Molly is quite good.

Had an awful day and have proven what an idiot i am. Difficult day - my 2 1/2 year old had too much attention over Xmas and now expects 100% of my attention 100% of the time and attacks my 11 month old if she doesn't get it - and this evening I could feel myself reaching boiling point so I whisked the kids out to my local for a change of scenery. Forgot it was bank holiday and we were definately a nusicance (normally quiet on a Mon). Came home to realise I'd left the gas fire on Blush. Cannot believe how stupid i was and going out didn't work as the first thing my DD1 did was push DD2 over into her walker. The poor child looks like she's been boxing with the amount of bumps and lumps. So I nearly burnt the house down for nothing. Think I need some PMA - does it come in bottles?

secretskillrelationships · 03/01/2011 19:23

I don't want a relationship but occasional male attention would be nice! Can't work out how I make that happen though so any suggestions would be appreciated. Pretty good at going out by myself - cinema and theatre are good options as can see what I want and make up my own mind about it. Don't want to go to the pub on my own though, feel it looks a bit desperate.

Scorps you sound in pretty similar situation to me - my ex was not prepared to put any effort in and yet still maintains the delusion that the marriage breakdown was all my fault. He also broaches boundaries all over the place and I struggle to deal with it as it's usually in front of the DCs.

Am slowly learning that I don't always know what's best for DCs - cancelled ex and in-laws coming for Christmas and DCs seemed really quite pleased which was not the reaction I was expecting. I think they like to see me put myself first Shock Sometimes their awareness is scary!

On the plus side, got myself a job within a month of him leaving and am covering our living expenses (thanks to tax credits). Am hoping, finally, to move in 2011 but that's hard work when all the decisions are down to me and me alone. Oh yes, and the fact that I'm moving seems to have stirred stuff up with ex.

secretskillrelationships · 03/01/2011 19:28

Hannispan - your idea was good though, so don't beat yourself up that it didn't work this time. And at least you came home to a warm house Xmas Grin (very very unlikely it would have burnt down!)

Scorps · 03/01/2011 20:20

I think he is getting the message, but it still kinda hurts me. He knows he did wrong in our marriage and that its his fault. Have had texts the last few days about how much he will miss, how he's sorry, will be forever regretful....We attended Relate in the summer but he stopped after 6 weeks; he said he wanted to move home and then pulled away, i put alot of effort in and it wasn't really reciprocated. He still contuined to be secretive.w He needs serious childhood related therapy. He can't keep me hanging on, I'm his wife or nothing iyswim. He's a very good father, no issues there. Yes i think i still love him, but i hate him for what he's done, to me and my babies.

secrets - i have no idea how to get an occasional friend. i would like one.

Scorps · 03/01/2011 20:22

Nixnjj - i keep telling myself it won't always be this way, but i wonder what if im lying too? :(

I want to talk to my mum but she's in france and dad always says about the bill :(

Scorps · 03/01/2011 20:23

Nixnjj - i keep telling myself it won't always be this way, but i wonder what if im lying too? :(

I want to talk to my mum but she's in france and dad always says about the bill :(

Scorps · 03/01/2011 21:08

Anyone? I'm so afraid life will always be hard. :( I really feel like crying but am trying to tell myself I've done enough of that. Feel so worthless.

splishsplosh · 03/01/2011 21:17

Hi, can i join too?

I have 2 dds: almost 5, and 2

Have had a turbulent time last few years, spent a year in a refuge, and since coming back home, had further probs with ex who didn't seem to understand things are over and continued to be abusive and he is currently on bail awaiting sentencing.

My family and friends are all miles away, only break I get is when kids go to visit ex's mum/stepdad/sister for a few hours, some Sundays. Realised barely seen anyone all holidays, looking forward to term time now where do at least get chance for brief chats with other mums in playground or playgroups.

Original poster
simpson · 03/01/2011 21:18

Scorps - you are not worthless!!!

You are doung a fab job bringing up four DC by yourself.

TBH if I think I will still be like this in 10yrs time (ie by myself) I think I would go mad Blush

But I just take each day at a time, I think thats all we can do Smile

Have a big (((hug)))

OP posts:
splishsplosh · 03/01/2011 21:19

Scorps - i definitely know what you mean about wondering if it will always be hard

Scorps · 03/01/2011 21:22

Hi splish :) I enjoy playgroups too. It's hard without much support; yes H has the dc but i really wish my parents were still here. I used to go back home and cry and be cuddled and it was all ok. I don't see them til May.

I'm sorry, I join the thread and just moan Blush Sad. Haven't cried (yet). I'm so scared today for some reason. I can't do it like this, forever.

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