support thread for people who find it hard as LPs...

[simpson]

just wondering if this has been done before...

I have 2 Dcs (2 & 5) and am bringing them up by myself (H allowed to have phone contact only due to his fuck wittery {I love that phrase })

Sometimes its soooo hard doing it by myself

DS had parents evening today and although his comments from teachers were fab most all of the other parents were couples.

Sometimes it hits me that I have to do everything myself

Well that's that sorted..

Simpson - Sorry about your Granny, the same thing happened to mine 3 years ago.She was more of a mum to me, then my mum.
Your granny might want to go,mine loved the company and the singalongs,and the getting her hair done every week..we used to go every other day,take her favourite things and massage her feet and hands..she liked it there.

lucy- You are doing what is right.I presume he is taking you to court re. contact,you are offering supervised contact as a start off point.The court takes into account how your children feel, he obviously isn't!
Do you have a date for the initial hearing? Or is Mediation suggested first these days?

AAaah- thats so sweet Simpson!

simpson..that's funny about your 'little' one, my youngest who is quite petite, when we used to say jokingly 'When are you going to get bigger?' One day she responded with 'On Sunday', so it has become a standing joke, and on Sundays she sometimes says I am growing today!

Jellykat...yes court is about contact, it is next week, although my solicitor has asked that it is moved to my local court as we moved since the last time he went to the court. It is only a directions hearing, he refused mediation 3 years ago when he started his demands! He will most probably demand that we go back before the magistrates again, he is unrepresented. My solicitor is considering applying for a specific issue order stating that he cannot go back to the court again for x amount of years. He has the view that we are not meant to talk about the children and how they feel etc, he refuses to talk to me and obviously just likes spending the day in the family court!

OMG DS2s dad took me to court over contact variations over and over again when he was little..that was another reason i moved away,i couldn't take it anymore.It was horrific.so Yes if your solicitor can eliminate that possibility, Great!!!

DS2s dad also represented himself, which meant weekly letters and a hell of a lot of work for my solicitor and me.In those days he only had to pay £50 per court application, and he didn't prepare the court bundles or anything-we had to do it for him for christsakes..

The fact your X has refused mediation is in your favour,as i'm sure you know.It all seems scary,but it isn't really.If you're the one with your DCs best interests at heart,which you are,it'll be fine.I have to admit the judge agreed with me each time it was pure logic.I even developed quite a crush on one of my barristers!..

I think when you know you are protecting your DCs you can do anything

Just dropping by! how are you all? :) hope all are well.

Don't know if I have done the right thing

I have filled out passport applications online for me & DS and it asked loads of info on Ds's dad ie his passport no, info off our marriage certificate (which I don't even have, solicitor has it)

Sooo anyway, I left that whole section blank He does not even see his dad atm anyway.

Hello, just a quick pop in.

Feeling much more positive now I have things planned to do with my life, and to take up my time.

Have decided my life is only going to get better if I work my arse off to make it so, so that's what I shall do :)

Ahhhhhhh!!

H is going to ring tomorrow to speak to the kids and I am going to give him a date (not decided yet) for when he can come over and see the kids

My mum is happy (ish) for H to arrive on a friday and stay for 2 nights (he must come alone without his toxic mother) He will go back on a sunday so that she can drive him to airport as last time he came he went via the pub and then was too drunk to get on plane and got himself arrested

Hello lovely ladies,how is it all going?

Good luck simpson with the call..

panicking about tomorrow

My baby is 3 tomorrow Not a baby anymore....

Party is booked for 11.30 (mcdonalds) but quite a few of her little friends have CP so hoping enough turn up

Ah of course,remember you saying DDs birthday was end of the month,it just hadn't sunk in that now is the end of the month!..January's flown by.

Happy Birthday to your DD

Hope it all runs smoothly!
3 might not be a 'baby' baby anymore, but still highly squeezable!

(My DS2 would go ballistic if i squeezed him )

Phew, thank goodness for portable DVD players

DS has just gone to bed but he was not happy as he is normally allowed to stay up a bit later on sat night but I am just soooo knackered today.

The bribe of being able to watch a DVD in bed proved too strong for DS and he went up happily

DD's party went well and there were enough kids there

I have bought myself wine I think I deserve it

Oh you deserve it! Glad it went well!

Hi all, been keeping check from the sidelines, been a right mess recently but needed to say hello.

Simpson glad dds party went well, my ds2 is 5 on tues. Had to suffer ex in the house today to do presents am and then come back with ds2 & dd as ds1 was at home with me ill!
God does it never end!

Have loads of plans for tomorrow but will have to wait and see how he is first and go from there.

Have the whole of next wkend off so hope the 3 of them are well enough, need to recharge!

Not sure if im right but i also left passport details of ex blank and all came through ok x

Hi :) I had the best weekend ever!! Had my hair done, went to local seaside place with my sister, a man friend took me out for a well nice dinner and cinema, then i went to a club with my sister and i totally pulled . I went to bed at 5am today lol.

Fun times :)

yay Scorps sounds like fun

Glad you had a good time, we definately need to to be us and not a "mum" sometimes iyswim.

Although dreading H coming over (date has been agreed for 8th April) I will pretty much have the whole weekend to myself

My dad popped in today to give DD her birthday pressie and its fecking massive!! A giant easel which is lovely of him, but I have nowhere to put it

Hi peeps...

Newbie here, although have posted on a couple of other subjects. I had a very hard time in my relationship with my children's father. I feel though that I took it all out on my kids. I always seem to be miserable with them. My DD is now 20 and DS is 13. DS has always been very difficult, right from a baby, so what with an awful relationship/partner (zero support)and a difficult child, I feel that my DD took the brunt. However, my DS now seems to lack confidence and I feel it's all my fault.

I have been alone for 5 years now and it has been very hard. DP left me in heaps of debt and 2 kids to bring up. DP is totally unsupportive in every way shape or form, no interest in his children (sees DS 1 w/e in 4), and I think my son really feels it. Boys need a male role model don't they? I can do most things but I just can't provide that and it hurts tremendously. I think that's why I'm so miserable, because of all my failings, failure to provide my kids with a lovely happy childhood and a father they can be proud of and look up to. I'm sitting here after my son has gone to bed and feel like crap...I want to be happy, not continually moaning at the kids...just feel like it's a real struggle when you have no one to bounce off..

Just thinking out loud...:(

Hi :)

I don't think boys need a male role model - the nicest man i know only had a mother through all of his childhood, his dad too was uninterested, but he's grown up so well rounded, has the utmost respect for his mother and therefore women in general.

I know it's hard not having anyone to share the hard things with - do you have a friend or your parents who you can bounce things off? Thats what i do, as i don't like to talk to H.

You're doing it, its not always (rarely!!) easy, but you're doing it. Your children will thank you for it, and realise what you did for them and what you went through. :)

Simpson - in the early days i hated looking at H - it felt like an emotional floodgate. But up your barrier. He's just a person. An unworthy of you person. Keep business like, formal. Does he even have to come in? I don't let my H in.

Right - Man (lets call him D) text me after i gave him my number - all good, said if i want to meet up let him know etc. A few of my friends know him and he's loverly apparently. Can i text him this evening?

Scorps..Ooo exciting!Yes text him!

I agree with you, its better for DSs to have no male role model,then a crap one!..
My DS1,now 22 has had no dad,and he is a sweetheart!..He is adored by his flatmates, being a good cook,and keeps them all up together re. cleaning the place,paying bills etc.Plus women love him,because he cares about people, and they can talk to him about anything,he has lovely girlfriends too!

Wysiwig- It's very hard,I have noone to talk to either,at all..my XP was my best and only friend here in RL..but I am clinging onto my sense of humour for dear life! although occasionally i just want to completely give up the struggle,i can't my boys need me and they don't have anyone else..
Keep posting, there's usually one of us here!

Sssooo,Guess what i've done ..I've swallowed my pride and emailed DS2s dad, to ask if he can help a tiny bit financially.. He needs new school shoes,we've missed the deposit paying for the second school trip he can't go on..and i'm bloody cold (wood is about to run out)
It's taken so much to ask,but i am fed up of skipping meals just to survive, while he drives around in a big car,and eats smoked salmon!

Fingers crossed!! you never know....HaHaHa Aaargh!

Right, am going to text him when dc in bed. I'm terrified - what if he doesn't reply, or wants to meet up, or replies but isn't interested.... oh god.

Oooh yes scorps - text him!!!

Good luck jellykat hope ex comes through for you

Wysiwig - I totally agree that its better to have no male role model than a crap one. My Dc have not seen their dad for over 4mths now...

When H comes over he will not be allowed in this house although technically half of its still his But that is getting sorted in divorce settlement.

He will stay at my mum's.

TBH I am hoping that I won't meet him at all but I feel its a bit unfair on my parents for me not to be around but God I would love the break!!!

Oh shite. I have just text him. I'm VERY scared, lol

Scorps.. nothing ventured, nothing gained!..

Hello everyone. Am new here but have been a single mum since my XH left me when my DD & DS were 2.5 years & 9 months. They are 6 and 4 now and I'm still hanging in there! I look after the kids most of the time but XH does have them for 1 overnight a week. I didn't have a dad growing up as he died before i was born and I missed having that so I try and keep the bond up with him and them-he's an okay dad (I know could be masses worse) but what pisses me off is that he acts like a 'babysiter' who's doing me a favour by having them and he never asks for more time-I prefer them with me really tho' coz he is a workaholic and up his own arse becoz he runs a business and works 24/7 (like i don't!). They really love him (which i know is good and I would never bad mouth him in front of them) but you know what, i wonder if they will think he's Mr Wonderful when they groww up and that i'm a witch-coz I am the one ensuring they eat healthy food/do their homework/don't watch too much TV etc. After 4 years of being a single parent I now have a BF who i met on Guardian Soulmates-i get some adult compnay once a week and whilst he's lovely he doesn't get the single parent thing as he is hasn't any children/good job/does his own thing when he wants. I also get sick of friends in couples who moan how hard it is (when they have a partner to do the shop/put kettle on/take the turn at bedtime/bathtime/cook tea/pick up milk from co-op or whatever. I have to remember everything and I work (but v priviledged it's part-time but bloody stressful when i'm there and extras to do at night sometimes!)Moan Moan. But keep up great work everyone. I love this thread!

Hi Lizzy :)

Well i text man. Have heard nothing :( . Feel like shit today, so angry, sad.