support thread for people who find it hard as LPs...

[simpson]

just wondering if this has been done before...

I have 2 Dcs (2 & 5) and am bringing them up by myself (H allowed to have phone contact only due to his fuck wittery {I love that phrase })

Sometimes its soooo hard doing it by myself

DS had parents evening today and although his comments from teachers were fab most all of the other parents were couples.

Sometimes it hits me that I have to do everything myself

Hhmm..bugger it!..I'm sure i'll think of something..(sell my body? - probably get £1.50!)Pride is a demon,especially when facing a smug git! I Will think on..

Has DD caught a version of your gastric flu do you think? Can you stodge her up a bit with white toast,or is she too little/ unable to have wheat..

She can have wheat (about the only thing she can have!!)

She is dairy, soya, oats & barley free atm

Don't think she is sick but has eaten something iyswim as she is charging about as usual

I guess you have to check ingredients on everything, that must be a pain!

Jellykat - may be worth speaking to the school, as well. My son is going on a bushcraft trip in July that should cost £350 but as they know I'm not able to pay part of it is being picked up by the school.

simpson - hope your little one is better soon.

Pulling was not really very good for me, I've been moping about feeling quite sorry for myself since. I do still love the bastard in some ways, and he keeps telling me he loves me but understands we can't ever be together which doesn't help. Plus the kids keep going on about wanting things to be like they were cos they miss us being a family. I need a good kick up the bum.

Spent most of today crying for no apparent reason, would just quite like my life and friends back I think. Feeling quite pathetic :(

sjm - I hope you are feeleing a bit better now.

I cannot wait until tomorrow My mum is picking the kids up at midday and they are not being returned until Sunday eve.

I am just steeling myself for the weekly phonecall from H

sjm - It will take time..Love doesn't just go away overnight, even when we hate someone it's because we've been hurt...

Just because you couldn't 'do' anything the other night, doesn't mean you won't ever be able to with someone else, it's just because you're not ready to yet..Anyway 'one night stands' ain't it-fine if you've got no DC,and are 19!

How are you feeling today?

HHhmmmm I too have had texts from XP, we split a week before Christmas..I wish he hadn't texted.In my head i'd pretended he'd been abducted by aliens,now i've been reminded he is just down the road a bit - now i've got to start again.. Thank god we haven't got DC together, like you guys have - it's easier for me, i can physically just walk away..

Ooo simpson, have a lovely time!

Hi all, not posted for ages but been checking up on you all.
Feel odd at the mo, cannot seem to shift this headache, gets to the point that I cant see then I go to bed!

Sat doing hwk tonight (should be called death by torture in our house!) when ds1 says "i wished daddy loved you again mummy".

What do I say to that? Thought all was accepted by the dcs now. We know where we are, all happy, routine seeing daddy on a sat and the odd sleepover etc... then he throws me that

Makes me feel guilty again and sad that they're missing out on 'normal'family life.

Anyway on a good point have booked the kids a stay at daddys early feb and me onto a course while they are away (after a night out with the girls). It definately makes it easier when you've got plans doesnt it?

Oh and simpson wishing you a bug free time!

I'm being completely pathetic at the moment. I've cried so much in the last couple of days my lower eyelids are bleeding a bit.

Scabby eyelids = really, really fucking sexy too. I look hotter than ever quite frankly.

Simpson - I hope you have a lovely weekend

Jellykat - I would just like his texting thumb to drop off tbh, would make my life loads easier! We don't have kids together, they're my kids from a previous (even worse) relationship, have known him 4 years and all love each other. As much as I hate him, he's being bloody brilliant about contact and buying them little bits they need even though they're not his. Just wish he'd stop telling me he loves me really. It does neither of us any good, we can't be together and I have enough with the kids telling me they miss him and wish we could be a family again.

He has the kids on 5th Feb for a family party and I've arranged a properly "me" night out with a couple of girls I haven't seen in far too long. Dirty metal bars, silly corsets and ridiculous boots, sticky floored dodgy metal clubs and crashing at a mate's after. Not done it in years and years. Not sure if it'll make me feel better, but it'll be a good distraction anyway. Plus I'm bound to have at least one story that ends in me falling over :P

I'd prefer a mate that gave a shit how i'm doing to a night out and would swap in a heartbeat.

10mins to go till the kids leave!!! Not that I am counting down or anything

TBH I am more excited about going shopping without any DC than the party atm.

H "forgot" to call last night He rang this morning instead and spoke to the kids but would not really talk to me He is pissed off that I am divorcing him so he won't have anything to do with me

SJM - I am lucky I have a few good friends but tbh they are all married (Bar one) and don't realise how hard it is by yourself

Bloody hell sjm, the details of your life/situation with XP are spot on exactly the same as mine!! Even the 4 year bit..

When we were together,the 'family' unit thing seemed unbelievable,my DC and i had never experienced it before, and i really thought i finally had what 'normal' people have!!

and yes, i still love my XP with all my heart,and vice versa..but like your situation we cannot be together...
So i know exactly how you are feeling..

When we split briefly last year, i went out all the time with anyone who was up for it,none of which i was particularly close to.
That is one way to try to distance yourself from the pain, but this time i am going to sit quietly here in my house,let time pass, and accept how much i hurt without him..

I see you were posting at 3.30am!About the same time i was having a fag and cuppa in the kitchen.. you were not alone

Keep posting, because it's all a big pile of shite to go through alone.

Sorry to those feeling down. I don't love my H anymore. I feel he is very welcome to other woman. I actually deleted him from my FB and i sent him a very nasty message the other day, i have no desire to be near him. Vile person.

I had first zumba class, was excellent, lovely day out with friends and their dc today, sister up tonight. I really, really need a man friend though!!

Am going out with someone on Saturday, but i don't think i fancy him. shame - very intelligent, good job, loves kids.....sigh.

Split with XH 5 yrs ago, have one DS, now 7 yo. Yes it was very hard for a long time, and sometimes it still is, when I am ill for example. Then about 18 months ago I got involved with another man. And you know what? It did not get any easier. In fact, it was even harder.

Since we split, I have felt more content, and happier in my own space than ever. I keep reminding myself of that whenever I feel low, or lonely or horney.

I keep busy but not stressed. I work full time, I study with the OU for a better job one day, I have plenty of friends and I enjoy my job.

The most important thing is to remember that just because you are single doesn't mean your life is over. You can keep busy even when you can't go out. Make friends with other lone parents, share childcare and advice/whinging.

Kids have just gone off with him to his mum's birthday party. Not so long ago before we split I was the one that helped her find the venue and was supposed to be helping out with food, sorting out the music, going along as a family for the evening etc.

I still can't stop crying, my face is raw and sore and my eyes hurt.

He's been telling me today that he loves me, misses me, wishes things could go back to how they were and hates it because I should be there with them as I'm part of the family.

Seriously can't take it any more. I've been crying on and off all day, it's upsetting the kids and I can't even manage to hug them or anything at the moment. I feel like I'm being really evil to them, they're used to getting hugs and cuddles all the time and I know they're worrying and stressed. It's not like me to be like this at all.

I really can't take it :(

sjm - :( i know how you feel, its unfair and selfish of them to say things like that to us now. You could still wish his mum happy birthday though.

I always find Sunday afternoons the hardest. Sigh.

My H won't even look at me at the door anymore!

I started a blog when I started the process of getting divorced. Have a read - I hope you like it, and to those of you feeling really down, it helped me to feel like some of what I was going through was a common experience for lots of women. Start at the bottom in sept and work up.

beth-multuminparvo.blogspot.com/

Had a good night last night

But now I know I won't be out again for ages

DC were dropped off earlier than planned because DS missed me

However there is some good news My dad dropped off the kids earlier and mentioned me, him & DS going to Italy at easter to visit my youngest brother who is living there for a yr

I just have to get a passport sorted for me & DS. DD will stay behind with my mum as she would be too hard work to take with all her food problems etc....

Off to post office tomorrow to get passport forms

Glad you had a good night simpson - and very jealous of the holiday! Sounds wonderful :)

I would like to be back in touch with his family again at some point, and did send a happy birthday text to his mum. They are all so lovely, and I was very close to his mum and sister in particular when we were together. It made me feel like a I had a bit of a family, as I don't speak to mine at all because of the awful things they've done over the years. I was always quite envious of how lovely and close and warm his family are. It kist feels like I've lost so much with all that and friends, not just the relationship :(

Maybe he is right, maybe once I've worked through my issues (PTSD from all the stuff with kids dad) and he's worked through his (honestly, my fault really - I was a complete bitch to live with) we can try again but I need him to stop talking about it now. If it happens in the future great, but it's not something I'm prepared to keep thinking about and wondering over now while I'm trying to sort myself and my children's life out.

I also hate Sundays, kids are with him at his mum's now.

You are very similar to my H in that he has very little to do with his family, my family were his family iyswim. I'm sure you could still be friendly with his mum, even if just over the phone for now, etc.

Remember, it's never one person's fault about a relationship breakdown - well not really. Yes, H did what he did to me, i could of tried harder, but i dont think my heart was in it anymore.

Have rung driving people today but no-one there! I was so brave ringing!!

God I am knackered today!!!

It has taken all my energy just to get DC to where they are supposed to be ie school/playgroup etc...

Am looking forward to a large glass of wine when they are in bed

I am very proud of DS (5) today, he got an award for getting the most house points ever in one week

Scorps-That's not really fair to say it's never just ones persons fault..My XP was verbally and emotionally abusive,because he was sexually abused as a child, he is very very angry in his heart,but refuses to see a counsellor..

I spent 3 1/2 years trying to deal with his behaviour,ending up with a complete lack of self esteem and depression, and seeing a counsellor myself last Summer.I couldn't have tried harder..I talked and listened, and explained how it hurt,and took him back time after time..but even tho' i could predict every time an attack was coming,(once a fortnight by the end,) the complete disbelief,shock,and hurt i felt didn't lessen.He'd be loving one minute then turn on me the next.

Nothing i could ever do stopped it, he would always always find a reason,it was always my fault-weird things like how many rings it would take me to answer the phone (I had 3 rings allowance if i was upstairs at one time)

Apologies for rant, Scorps, but sometimes one person is responsible,i tried so hard to the point of becoming physically and mentally ill,and i have spent a long time trying to understand it all, and am still hurting.

Well done on being brave and ringing driving people!

Sorry xposted simpson- Did you get your passport forms?

Well done to your DS, clever boy!

Yes i'm a bit knackered today too,can you tell?[sorry Scorps] maybe its the weather.. and hurt my back chopping wood yesterday! Bloody, bloody..

I understand JellyKat, having been through very similar myself, but I can still see things I did wrong, in a way. I know in some cases it is just one person - I think I was generalising.

Scorps!

I'm well emotional and jumpy at mo.
Mind you,it was quite therapeutic to write that down.. feel a bit better now, Thank you!

I think I'm feeling a bit emotional today too, and sincerely hope I'm not sliding down again. I'm finding alot of my moods are still depending on H - the last few weeks at the door he's hardly looked at me or spoken, then tonight he seemed happy, and i immediately think of OW and him being the reason!

I am really missing male company. I hate H, i really do, and i know talking to him won't be the answer but I'm finding I'm having to stop myself tonight.