Am I being too fussy?

[salizchap]

OK, after the passing of yet another waste of space relationship, I have put a new profile on POF in the ever unrealistic optimistic hope of atracting mr right.

Is it me? 4 men have contacted me recently. Although I specifically say on my profile that I only want to date locally, the first man lives 200 miles away. The second just looks miserable and doesn't smile in any of his 10 pics. The third is unattractive and only writes 2 lines in his profile. The fourth is ok in his pic but his ortography, spelling and punctuation is awful.

None has an interesting or well paid job (full time student, lorry driver, shop worker, unemployed). I would like, for a change, date a professional man who might be able to treat me occasionally, especially as a lone parent I struggle to make ends meet. I am fed up of landing blokes who are worse with finances than me and just make my life more complicated.

Am I expecting too much? Am I being a job snob?

"Oxbridger"? lol, what does that even mean? Which one was it?

Luceloo, the advice to slow down is very good. The thing is, men often like to go v fast at the start, they're like kids with new toys. But then they often pause at the 3 months stage and think, "Hang on... Do I really want to be in a relationship with this girl?" and if they don't - or if they think that you are getting all emotionally invested - they'll back off, leaving you because they've become your world.

Your days sound sweet but a bit dull. If you're that clever, wouldn't you like to be pursuing something, a degree...? You don't want someone to ask you what you did in 2010 and it was just "I saw my boyfriend".

Luceloo, just to preach a bit more, read Why Men Love Bitches by Sherrie Argo. It's on Amazon. You'll love it, it's so funny and sharp and sassy. She explains the art of handling relationships perfectly. Lovely relationships, that last.

Sherrie Argov, even. Bloody keyboard.

Beautiful - I have a masters in English from Cambridge and I'm starting a pgce course in September. Please don't patronise me. I have a nearly 7month old baby so no I don't wish to go back to work yet I'm on maternity leave so apologies that my days are "sweet but a bit dull" but that's what happens when you're a new mum. Fact you're all saying that I've given up my life etc clearly shows you don't read my posts: first and foremost, I'm a mother, her waking hours are dedicated to her, I have evenings out with girlfriends, I continue with my "sweet but dull" days. Why don't you all search for my posts in the childbirth threads. You'll see I had a terrible birth, a solo pregnancy, postnatal vaginal surgery when my daughter was 3months, and now finally my life back and yes I'm bloody enjoying it. So please, yes you've advised and I've listened but I won't stand back and essentially be told that my man is "an abysses wet dream" thank you boo. That's sick. I own my home and I'm financially secure, my daughter comes first, but finally after 4 years of hell I am enjoying myself.

"abusers wet dream" even. Stupid predictive text

Lucee, do I assume right that you come from quite a wealthy family? To be financially secure after at least 4 years of study is quite something. Earlier you mentioned that your man might have to move away because he can't afford to live in your area. Don't you think your financial stability might make you attractive for the wrong reasons if that's the case? I really don't like the turn this thread has taken tbh, you have asked for advice and opinions and don't like what you're hearing.
Re the abusers wet dream comment, I have a blunt way with words unfortunately. I have a degree in English from a Russell Group university, not that it's relevant, but it hasn't made me exactly genteel with language. My point was that people who don't treat women very well look for someone easily pliable, someone who becomes dependant very quickly. I'm sorry if that offended you.

Don't think I like that this thread has turned a corner either so for that I apologise. That's an interesting point boo, but I've made no comment at all to mr new about my financial situ, not out of not wanting to per se, but just don't feel it's appropriate at this very very early stage. Btw, I'm not loaded! He is going home (Manchester) for ten days over Xmas where he is going to do some homework re job and relocating back there. But has said he couldn't leave his current job at the drop of a hat anyway, would be several months. Really I really do appreciate advice from you all. Guess I've just been a bit surprised by said responses. So apologies all round if any offence has been caused.

Boo, how are plans for tonight shaping up?

All go Jaqui, I have got a few last minurte jobs to go crazy doing in town, then I'm dumping the kids and getting ready
Am soooooooo excited, but really nervous too, which I didn't expect. I will be back to give a full report

ooooooooh can't wait for the report. Have a fab time and try to relax a little before you go, easy on the wine though .

Oh, and if you need a little giggle, MrVeryKeen turned up on last 'date' wearing today's equivalent of a medallion..I kid you not .

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Blimey. So is that the final straw?? Did he have his shirt unbuttoned so as to reveal a little glimpse?? Where did you go in the ened, anywhere nice?

Ended up in quite a nice pub, it was ok. He had obviously "made an effort" in that he had an stud earing in, a ring and wait for it.....a necklace with an elephant's head on it..yes, yes, you may snigger!!! Funnily enough he hasn't text since, normally texts me few times each day but has left how are you type messages on PoF..maybe I am being dumped subtely .

Jaqui, I'd let him go right ahead and fade away. Pick up that ball and run run run with it. A medallion??!!! Did he have his hair greased back as well?

Ewwwwww.

MYODD, thing is, I know he will have left me a message on PoF, would it be bad of me to go on there and not reply, so that he will know I have kind of ignored him . Not sure if you have read back story to this, am very much take him or leave him but the elephant head was cringeworthy.

Boo, hope you have an amazing time at the ball .

So?? How was it, Boo?

It was fabulous
I had such a good time. Didn't collect the dc til 11 today, and he stayed around to play with them for a bit, and is coming back tonight to watch the X Factor final. I;m going to have a Big talk with him later, I think it's going really well but I don't want the dc involved really until I know this is going somewhere. He is so good with them, but had it not been for needing a lift to get them today, they'd not have seen him iyswim. I don't want to hide him per se, but I don't want them too involved when it's such early days.
I had a ball though. I felt so good in my dress, and for once I actually looked nice in all the pictures. I feel a bit drained today even though it wasn't a late night, but I know from experience that after something important that I've been worrying baout for a while I do tend to crash and need a few days to recharge. It's the relief more than anyhting I guess, that nothing went wrong!

Yay, knew you have a fab time, am so pleased it all went swimmingly.

Good plan to have a chat about where things are or maybe going, I think you are handling this really well, having a great time, taking things slowly and most importantly thinking about how this all affects your dcs.

Have you made any christmas plans with him?

oh, know you are so totally on a high from the ball but quick bit of advice neeed....do you think I should be ignorning MrVerKeen, who will henceforth be known as MrMedallion, as I think he is playing games?

My grandparents are coming down for 3 days next monday specifically so I can get some good quality man time . They insist we go out every day. My nan is a blast, has been calling literally every day to see how it's been going. It's his birthday one of those days so I think we'll do something with his friends. He's said he'd liek me to meet his parents over christmas too. It'll be nice actually as normally I head upcountry to see my parents at christmas, but it's a good 5-6 hours away and I want the dc to have a nice chilled out time, so I like knowing he's only 10 minutes away if he'd liek to come over. The last few christmases have been slightly depressing in that sense.
I'm not sure what to make of medallion man. To start messaging on POF when you're veen talking on the phone is a bit odd. The thing to remember is that if your profiles are both still up, you are both allowed to be seeing other people. Maybe he is? I'd get on there tonight, pour yourself some wine, and go on the prowl Send some messages to whoever takes your interest.

ah yes, I remember about your visitors..and he wants you to meet his folks ...this is going very well .

MrMedallion said on second date that he doesn't do the scatter gun approach ie he sees one person at a time, see how it goes and all, I never told him I wasn't going to not see anyone else, although I haven't . As said before,can take him or leave him, so perhaps I will get on there and ignore his messages in the hope he drifts away.

Update us on the chat .

Jaqui, another option would be to send him a polite message saying that although you have enjoyed the time you've spent together, you can't really see the relationship going any further.

Better than just ignoring him if you've been on a few dates I reckon.

I mean can you really see yourself making love to a man who wears a medallion in ten years time?!

MYODD, pleeeeease, do not put that thought in my mind....yes, you are right, polite but to the point. Have to say that I did venture on to PoF and he left me a message but I didn't read it. I do feel that he is playing a game in that he has text/phone almost every day and now he is leaving messages on Pof [hmmm].

Hi Boo, glad the ball went so well and that you felt gorgeous! How did the Big Talk go? I am gripped with your lovely new relationship as I think you can tell!!