Am I being too fussy?

[salizchap]

OK, after the passing of yet another waste of space relationship, I have put a new profile on POF in the ever unrealistic optimistic hope of atracting mr right.

Is it me? 4 men have contacted me recently. Although I specifically say on my profile that I only want to date locally, the first man lives 200 miles away. The second just looks miserable and doesn't smile in any of his 10 pics. The third is unattractive and only writes 2 lines in his profile. The fourth is ok in his pic but his ortography, spelling and punctuation is awful.

None has an interesting or well paid job (full time student, lorry driver, shop worker, unemployed). I would like, for a change, date a professional man who might be able to treat me occasionally, especially as a lone parent I struggle to make ends meet. I am fed up of landing blokes who are worse with finances than me and just make my life more complicated.

Am I expecting too much? Am I being a job snob?

Ooo lordy, I'm not even sure I'm getting my man anything, his birthday is the 22nd, it's going to be an expensive old month.
Plans for Saturday thankfully seem sorted, though 'friendship' seems over :(

Glad you are sorted . She let you down a lot though Boo, friends don't really do that sort of thing, it's sad but at least you won't have the will she/won't she let me down scenario.

Boo - my ex's bday is boxing day and our anniversary was new years day. Past 3 Decembers I lived on bread and water :D

Jaqui, she stuck the knife in completely yesterday about me not having a job. Which is a bit rich coming from her, but she hit me where she knew it would hurt. I've spoken to a few people about it today though, and they've all said she couldn't say anything about my character so went for me that way. WHich is a bit low really, and I hate having arguements, but the girl'g got serious issues, and I wish she would let me help her rather than turn it all on me when I suggest there might be a problem. But I am determined to spend the rest of the week being serene. I got a fabulous edwardian wrap from the Real Mccoy today, and I almost squealed with excitement when I found a short string of black glass beads in a charity shop for a quid. I lent an identical one to another friend a few months ago who lost it, so I can now wear that on Saturday :)

BooBooGlass - just to say, I absolutely love your posts on this thead! I think you advice is spot-on and I like the way you're handling you own relationship. Slow and steady is the key.

Go, girl!

Ah Beaut, it means far more than you know to hear you say that. 'Friend' mentioned previously called me a frigid prude the other day because I still haven't dont the deed with my man, whereas she met a guy from POF on Thursday and slept with him Saturday . SHe is truly out of control and has chosen to take my concern and turn it back on me in the form of criticism . But I'm happily in a stable relationship, he's clearly not with me for a quick shag, I'm meeting his parents over Chritsmas, while she's alone being shagged and discarded by anyone who shows an interest. But apparently I'm the one with a problem. I don't get the venom towards my way at all.

I would say she is jealous Boo and at the end of the day you are best off rid.

Got date five tonight, still in twenty minds.

Saliz, where are you?

BooBoo, no, you are completely doing the right thing! I waited 4 months with the man I'm currently dating, and he's lovely, treats me like a princess.

Your way is the right way. And I can't wait to hear about the Ball on Sat!!

I am getting excited, but still so on edge about the childcare. It seems to be sorted, but all could go wrong at the last minute. I practiced smokey eyes last night, and I looked like a drag queen so I'm going to pray it'll be alright on Saturday.
Glad to hear it's going well for you too beaut, and Jaqui, date five!!!! Are you going out, or back into his lair?

Just read through this whole thread with interest, as I've done online dating before without success, although I'm considering giving it another try. Can I just ask if you all mainly use POF, or are there other sites you'd recommend? Don't fancy the Guardian one but find the blokes on POF a bit desperate.

BTW my situation is similar to yours BooBoo - was with ex for over 4 years, DS was planned then ex left me for someone else when I was 4 months pg and has never bothered with DS - in fact he's never even seen him. I, too, am very cynical where men are concerned. Very cynical.

How do you define "a date"? Simply everytime you see each other? Or actually do something "date like"? Last night new man fixed my dads computer for an hour. So guessing that doesn't count does it? And going to hospital with me definitely unromantic! Apart from those two occasions I'd say we've had 9 actual dates in 21days, is that a typical rate?

Does it really matter? It seems quite a lot to me, especially as you;re seeing each other inbetween as well. Personally I need some downtime from my man every few days. I don't know if that's because I've got used to beign on my own, but if I just need a night to myself I'm more than happy to tell him that! Do you not feel it's all a bit much? It's fantastic that you're getting on so well and enjoying each other, but what about your time?

Well typically see each other in the evenings when he's finished work and weekends. But I really really look forward to seeing him and get jumpy when I get a text etc. it's been years since any thing like this so guess I'm just enjoying it. Just wasn't sure how much is deemed normal to see each other

Eek, Luceeloo, slow down.

It's great that you've found someone you like but you only met this man 21 days ago. You don't know him! Nine dates in 21 days is basically seeing each other every other day. Plus other stuff in between. Much too much in my opinion. What were you doing with your life before you met him, and why aren't you still doing it?

I personally would only see a new man once or twice a week for the first few months while we were getting to know each other. That's plenty.

Don't make someone you don't really know your whole life. It's a huge mistake.

So it's wrong to have met each others families? Don't get me wrong my days are still identical as they were before - mum and baby groups etc, lunches with friends, gym, shopping nothing has changes there. And had 3 nights out with the girls in the 3+weeks we've been "dating". Don't worry still very much enjoying myself otherwise! As is he with his friends, sports etc. It's not like we have to plan much in advance, we literally live barely even a 2min drive apart. I doubt if we lived further we wouldn't be seeing each other much. Very much getting the vibes that I'm doing something wrong/abnormal here. Is it so wrong that we want to spend time together?

I don't think you're 'wrong' and I definitely don't think you're 'abnormal' for goodness sake. Of course it's natural to want to spend a lot of time with someone you're excited about. But I don't think it's healthy to jump in so deep so quickly. You're investing an awful lot of your energy and emotions in someone you've only known for three weeks. You don't know him well enough to be able to trust him with all that investment.

Look, I know it's hard when you really like someone but it's not always best to do exactly what you feel. It's often better to reign yourself in a bit, slow down, observe a situation a bit more before immersing yourself in it. Relationships have a sturdier foundation that way and as a result tend to last longer.

Meeting each others families tends to be a sign that a relationship is becoming more serious, and you just can't know after three weeks whether he's someone you'd want to get serious with. Personally I'd run a mile if a man suggested to me that I meet his family so soon. I'd assume he was a bit needy, and desperate to 'lock the relationship down' before we'd even had time to enjoy the initial getting to know each other and honeymoon periods. I take it he has met your child as well.

I completely agree. You're not abnormal by any stretch of the imagination, but you are an abusers wet dream. I'm not for a second implying he's anything other than lovely, but you seem to have given up your life for him and invested way too much. Who is looking after your 5 month old to allow you to go out so often?

She is nearly 7months and my parents willingly have her when I'm at his/ or out. They willingly have her because they've met him, like him, and see that I'm happy.

An abusers wet dream? That is sick.

And please note how I said my days are still filled in the same way. We haven't given up our lives fgs!

I really don't know what to say to you then without you getting defensive. You've had some good advice here. I don't blame you for liking the attention and that first rush of love. But you are going way too fast. What do you know of his previous relationships? I would bet they were very short and intense, to introduce each others families so fast is just beyond my comprehension. The fact your parents seem happy about this new man is a little surprising too tbh. I'm sure they think it does you good to get out, but if you've had so many nights out with the girls too, then tbh you are gettign that even without a man on the scene. I don't know what to suggets without sounding preachy, and clearly you're not really going to take it on board anyway. You're free to live your life how you wish, but the people here who have given you advice are speaking from experience. A little caution would go a long way for you I think.

Thank you for your thoughts boo, but I very much have my head screwed on, I may be only 23 but I like to think I know what I'm doing, I'm a smart girl - Oxbridger! When I go out it's when my daughter is asleep, I don't drink. His last relationships were 2yrs and 1yr he's 27. I was with my ex for 3 years I'm 23. As I've said previously, I am forever the optimist, I am cautious when caution is needed. We've had seriously in depth conversations. Some may say too deep too soon, we've both agreed it's awesome that we feel comfortable enough to listen to each other on a non-superficial level already. I genuinely do appreciate advice, but I'd appreciate a tad bit more enthusiasm and a little less cynicism. You're wise to some degree to have that mentality, but maybe you too should try filling your glass a bit more full so to speak.

My glass is plenty full thank you.

We'll agree to disagree. But I'd say definitely get your bloke a Xmas present

Smart girls get their fingers burned too Luceeloo.

I'm not trying to put a downer on your relationship, like I said I think it's great that you've found someone you like so much. I would love to find someone that I was really into! I'm just advising a little restraint and a little caution that's all.

That way the good thing you've found might last a lot longer, rather than quickly burning itself out. Take your time getting to know this man. Don't make yourself so available. Take a little step back. He will want you all the more for it, trust me.

Thank you myodd :) saw him last night and won't now until Tuesday. For me that's a good few days! Taking dd to her first Xmas party tomorrow!