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Original poster

Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 25)

1000 replies

Remotew · 23/09/2010 21:37

Kicking this off.

Hi BeautnotMag, 3rd date sounding promising and can see you are keeping your options open.

OP posts:
aurorastargazer · 24/09/2010 13:47

hi everyone and new posters Smile

lou33 · 24/09/2010 14:17

do any of you know if it is possible to get your parental rights terminated?

am thnking about exh here not me

he doesnt pay towards them, he doesnt see them, he basically makes no contribution towards their life, and is now using dp as an excuse , saying they have a new dad anyway

kids tell me he is no father to them and he doesnt know them at all, that dp knows them loads better

and whilst they love him they dont miss him and feel discarded by him

if he had no rights i wouldnt be so angry about his lack of effort towards them

dp said he would adopt them if they werent such scumbags Grin

hatesponge · 24/09/2010 14:18

SCL hope you are feeling better soon - and that things improve soon with DS1. Don't know about you but I find it really hard dealing with my boys on my own as they grow older...sometimes I dont think they view me on my own as enough of an authority figure.

Eve - he has a meeting near me next week to discuss some legal stuff which I know about, I said shall we meet up after for a drink, he said yes, thats about it. but it's enough for me to get (over)excited about Grin

lou33 · 24/09/2010 14:18

messy little scumbags i mean

Original poster
Remotew · 24/09/2010 14:58

lol Lou, I thought that was a bit strong, glad you added the 'messy'. DD's dad is now named on her birth cert but has never had or wanted to exercise parental rights. AFAIK if another man wants to adopt them then his (ex) parental responsibilites are nil, including paying maintenance. That's provided the bio dad agrees or you can do it anyway if they haven't had any contact for quite some time. Not sure of the actual facts, I'm sure you can find something on the net.

Other than that you might be stuck with a far from satisfactory situation. I managed to just forget that DD has a father, a long time ago, it was the only way I could find peace of mind. Not so easy for the DC's though. Sad

OP posts:
mummyilubyou · 24/09/2010 15:03

sponge, I think you should get pleasantly squiffy and see where it gets you Grin

SCL, god that's hard. I sometimes ask (once we have calmed down) my DD1 (admittedly younger) why she thinks it's ok to talk to me the way she does when she would never speak to her teacher/granny/aunt in that way and it makes her stop and think....but our kids know all the buttons to press.
Am intrigued as to who was the intended recipient of the 'tension release' text ? something you need to share with the class? Grin

Lou, only thing I can think of is kids 'divorcing' their parents, which I have heard of in the US but no idea if it applies here

lou33 · 24/09/2010 15:08

I would love to forget him. Sadly he remembers they exist every few months and places a brief call to assuage his conscience, tho thats all he does.

kdk · 24/09/2010 17:17

@ lou - think yours is a bit like mine - least mine (I use the word mine very very loosely) has got the excuse that he was deported - but has never paid a penny towards the kids and phones intermittently to say the least.

What he does do is phone me on my mobile at around 9pm on Saturday nights and interrogate me as to where I am/who I'm with etc. We have been divorced three years and split up best part of six years ... tosser!

When he does phone kids it is just to have conversations like "Do you love me/do you miss me ..." etc. He knows f.a about them or their interests but claims to love and miss them .... I shall maintain a dignified silence on what I think about that.

kdk · 24/09/2010 17:18

And sponge - you go girl - and keep us posted.

I am jealous I want a date!

hatesponge · 24/09/2010 18:31

It's not a date though, not really! Grin

Keep having to remind myself of this fact so I don't get all disappointed when he rushes off after one drink....

mummyilubyou · 24/09/2010 19:23

or then again he might not Grin

kdk · 24/09/2010 19:39

my sentiments exactly mily!

mummyilubyou · 24/09/2010 19:40

just lit the log burner Smile

there are compensations to wet 'n' windy autumn days

Original poster
Remotew · 24/09/2010 21:00

I've lit my coal affect gas fire for the last few nights. Not quite the same is it Mily. Grin

OP posts:
elastamum · 24/09/2010 22:49

Hi all, am at my brothers next door to mum. Have just put the heating on, its really cold here. Mum has just gone to bed, not enough room for us next door. Have just had message from very interesting looking doctor, who has been messaging me on msf and sent me his mb!!?? BUT he is in london Sad

Still, he is very entertaining and has a good line in medical jokes Grin

Sponge, so pleased you finally have a date with WM!! Got a good feeling about this, he has staying power..

kdk · 25/09/2010 12:37

Hi Elasta - hope your mum is okay - and that you and your brother are coping and supporting each other.

If the distance is a problem with medico you can always pass him here Smile - I've always fancied men in white coats!

And has anyone heard from Sponge? Should we all hope that no news is GOOD news Wink?

Off to take my DD to a bowling party - she has a better social life than me ...

lilac21 · 25/09/2010 14:11

kdk, my ex doesn't know his kids at all and misreads and misjudges them frequently.

Cold here too, I have turned the boiler up so that the heating will come on if needed. I was hoping to last til October. Bizarre to think that on Wednesday (yes, just THREE days ago) I drove home with the roof down on my car.

Kiwi toyboy will be here in four hours and I have to drive from London to Farnborough and back again before then, I'd better get myself organised.

elastamum, I used to date a plastic surgeon in London, hope it's not the same guy!

lou33 · 25/09/2010 14:34

would ay of you ladies try and decipher how this message from my exh absolves him from making any effort with the kids over hte last 5 yrs?

"terms of te kids you will never know (if you saw the early vids you can see what a dad I was)
On the day we split I drove 200 miles to cornwall in tears.

when I returned in 2007 with crap leg
I came across a mum feeding ducks like i used to, while her kids watched, I broke down into a mess

Of course to you this is all just faff

Maybe someday you will have the capacity to understand"

ive sent my last message back to him about this, i find him utterly draining

BeauticianNotMagician · 25/09/2010 14:37

Hi all another one with the heating on it is freezing here.

Well had my date last night.It was so good instant connection.We talked and laughed all night with no uncomfortable silences.He said half way through that wants to see me again Grin.Bit of an awkward goodbye i wasnt sure what to do so gave him a kiss on the cheek.

However,as it went so well last night i realised that im really not into the guy im supposed to have a date with tonight.So i cancelled and told him the truth and got a whole heap nasty texts back.Feel so bad.

Original poster
Remotew · 25/09/2010 14:44

Lou, I take that to mean he is punishing you for splitting with him depriving him of being a good dad as he claims he would have been if you were in his life. All crap, of course and terrible to take it out on the DC's.

Beaut, totally out of order to reply with nasty emails, he should have taken it like a man.

I havent had any contact with neighbour since we went out. I've ran out of credit but will be topping up later and going to text as we should be in touch if we are going to see each other again.

OP posts:
BeauticianNotMagician · 25/09/2010 14:59

Lou i would take that message to mean the same as what abouteve said.But i really would try to ignore it as he is just wanting a reaction.I only respond to exps messages now if they are about the ds's.

Abouteve yes i'm thinking maybe i had a lucky escape there i mean anyone would think from the way he is carrying on that were dating for months not that we had two dates.
Definitely think you should text neighbour.

BeauticianNotMagician · 25/09/2010 15:03

Lou sorry i mean directly about them like times having them,school plays etc.Any messages about his lack of relationship with them and blaming me i ignore.I've had some truely laughable ones.

lou33 · 25/09/2010 15:22

There was more waffle. I just replied saying you dont stop being a parent just because a marriage fails. Then suggested he looked into ways of waiving his parental rights and properly walking away.

I also said there will be no more pushing from me to see the kids, he has to make the effort.

Told him the subject is closed.

He also went on about why it isnt weird to send me wedding vids

BeauticianNotMagician · 25/09/2010 16:08

Lou thats the best thing to do know if he sends you any messages to do with anything other than seeing the children i would just give a short and sweet reply such as 'contact me only for dates you would like to see the children.Thank you.'

I found with my ex when i used to ask when he wanted to see the boys he could never be bothered.Howeve,when i stopped contacting him he would beg to see them saying i was being evil keeping them away.When will he realise that i have two children and my responsibilities to worry about without ensuring he meets his Angry

How old are your dcs do they see for themselves what he is like?

BeauticianNotMagician · 25/09/2010 16:09

Know meant now sorry

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