Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 25)

[Remotew]

Kicking this off.

Hi BeautnotMag, 3rd date sounding promising and can see you are keeping your options open.

Flame I reckon Carrot is definitely into you to.I mean it takes so much effort for the majority of men to text.Maybe he is just nervous,shy or had some really bad experiences.

Like you say at least it is someone to spend evenings with as it gets so boring alone.Although i worry about keeping up the dating as am in short supply of babysitters and exp doesn't really have the boys much.I also Love having someone just to text.Just a text asking about my day puts a smile on my face.

Body image is luckily not something I have a problem with, and I know I don't look my age. My DDs are 13 and very nearly 11 and I'm 42. Kiwi toyboy, on the other hand, is only 30! He keeps telling me I'm gorgeous and beautiful and sexy and you know what, I'm going to believe him. After being married to someone who met me at 26 and never said that to me, I am in a better place now than I was.

Lilac am so .I used to be so confident.My body is probably more toned now than before children as i workout regulary but its just the extra roll of fat around my tummy.I do take care of my appearance as used to be a beauty therapist as you may have guessed.

I hope i too can one day have confidence like yours.

Oh that is really nice Lilac. I would love to have that confidence :)

Beaut - it seems to be that he has gone in all rushy with feelings and stuff, and freaked himself out when he realised the reality of it wasn't just me, but the whole 3 kids, xh etc (which he knew from day one, but possibly didn't know iyswim). He says he doesn't know if he is ready for anything, so I am messed about less as "friends". He came on the scene just as I was leaving my marital home and everything else. It has been a hell of a time to meet me in all honesty.

I'm not interested in looking for anyone else atm, so it doesn't really affect me if he takes his time - if he decides we're on, then all well and good, if not, I've not lost anything.

Flame I wouldn't stress about it at all.Your attitude about it all seems spot on.I would just say he is being like most men(not all men i realise)i know.I doubt it has anything to do with your children,exh etc as like you said he knew about all that from the start.Sounds more like he just needs to sort his head out and doesn't want to mess you about.I think it's quite sweet actually although i can understand how it must be very frustrating for you.

I'm about to move soon from a flat into a house.I felt safer in a flat but exp has still managed to push his way in and now i am moving so that he no longer knows where i live.Plus the boys really need a garden to burn off their energy.

morning all.

havent heard anything from WM. am thinking that this non date on Friday isn't going to happen :(

feel stupid now for getting so excited about it.

Text him

Take charge sponge:)

Lou speaketh sense.

Hi All, Just checking in. So much happening here.

Agree with Lou, text him sponge.

Mily was to hear about GMM, but guess it happens. It is nerve wracking for us let alone poor blokes who are under a lot more pressure!! I would give him another go.

Had a lovely weekend with mum. Everyone came to dinner on sat, all her children and grandchildren so I cooked for 14!!

I took her to the beach on Sunday and we sat in a cafe and watched my boys flying kites on the sand. Mum is not looking too bad but she is very weak and needs a fair amount of morphine to keep her comfortable. But she seems content and happy to have everyone around.

My lack of interest in dating seems to be paying off??!!! I have a very nice doctor coming to take me out to lunch on Thursday.

He found my profile on MSF and has been messaging and txting me. We had a long chat on the phone and he wants to meet me. I said I couldnt spare weekends as I was seeing mum and he was very understanding and offered to take me out for lunch this week as he is off work. Cant quite believe it, will let you know how it goes

14 elasta

lovely for your mum though, and it sounds like a lovely weekend all round

can i just update you on the fuckery that is my exh?

after all the ridiculous emails he sent, i replied with what i consider a reasonable set of points to stick to regarding the kids

this was 2 days ago and nothing

so basically he is only able to reply when he feels like wallowing in his self delusion but not when it is to try and be reasonable (imo) and try to work out a way of him keeping in touch

i am going to paste it below

"your emails are only consistent in their confusion, first you be rate me for not being interested in the past, and then you tell me i wont let go of it

this is why i only want you to contact me regarding the children, as everything else is pointless trying to debate, and usually irrelevent

i would suggest the following

1. stick to contacting me when you want to arrange to see them or arrange to make some kind of financial payment towards their upkeep

2. start regular visitation with them, even if you have no money the point is to be with them, they are more than happy to just hang out with you, and if you have funds then take htem out when you can. I will drop them to you, though any contribution towards petrol would be appreciated as money is tight here

3)do not call me to arrange visitation when you have been drinking

4)you may send the kids any photos or videos of themselves, but please check with me about anything else, and refrain from sending me anything that is not child related

5. rejuggle your financial arrangement wrt your gf, new baby and your prospective step child, to incorporate some kind of financial support for the 4 preceding children we had together, even a token amount would be appreciated, as there are things like school uniform, shoes , clothing etc, that does not come cheap, and you should be making some effort to assist with this

6. to ensure you treat all children equally for birthdays and christmas (i.e to spend equal value of gifts and not to forget to buy anyone a present , esp on birthdays)"

i guess he just cant be arsed, and has no comeback for rational

the night before last i asked ds1 if he was upset when his dad didnt call him after his first day at secondary school (he didnt call him til ages after actually)

ds said no he wasnt, because until he called the other day he had forgotten all about him

now despite my own feelings on them being better off without him being about, i still find that incredibly sad, even though ds was outwardly ok about it

or is that just me?

oh my good god have just seen how many messages there are for me to catch up with!
things are going very well though dock green has requested a name change

Oh Lou, Sorry to hear you are having so much trouble. I always go down the e mail only route whenever things get difficult.

It is really sad to see the effect this has on your kids. Although they put a brave face on it I know mine feel very rejected when their father lets them down.

Email is the only way i can talk to him, but i dont think that message to him was anything but reasonable, or am i biased?

Anyway all my stuff is a walk in the park compared to your situation atm

I just think its sad re ds, even tho i am glad he says he is fine about it, iyswim

Elasta - glad your mum seems a bit more stable atm.

No Lou it's not just you - another one resorting to email here - I 've pasted my latest effort below.

Exh came round for ds1s birthday on fri for a couple of hours but what ds1 really wanted was his dad to go with him to practice sport on sunday. however exh couldn't as he had to 'clear out the loft' for his new p. Ds1 was very hurt I could tell. The weekends have been all messed up since they came back from summer holidays.

As it says in the email the contact has been a bit sporadic since they returned from holiday - often she seems to arrange activities which exclude our dcs on the weekends he is meant to see them. Im not sure if that's deliberate on her part or whether exh has not properly communicated our 'arrangement' to her

For someone who insists on such a rigid routine with her own dcs she is very happy to break the routine with my dcs! And he is off on another business trip this week.

I have given up asking him for any help if I have to stay late (as I do for five days during October).

'Hello exh

Is there any chance you could give me the extra maintenance we agreed before you go way this week.

Ie £100 plus 20 for the two days the CM does when you are away.

I would rather cash if poss.

What's happening about ds2's cricket course?

And ds1 as I said says he needs new trainers which I think is correct he now needs a size 7. And has also asked for some track bottoms nad wants his hair cut again on Sat - I will of course take him to get his hair cut but it all mounts up.

The extra weekends I have had them since you came back from holiday has meant extra expenditure for me. I can hardly afford to feed them in the latter part of the month.

Sounds like a sob story but its true.

As I said we will in due course look for something cheaper to rent but that doesn't help in the short term'

I am sounding like the stereotypical ex wifey aren't I?

Hi all

Lou Think email is good that you sent exh.I would from now on only reply to emails directly relating to seeing children so that he gets the message loud and clear.He only writes all he does to get a reaction as in his strange mind any contact with you is better than none at all.Even if he has to be funny with you in order to get that contact.He wants a reaction.

Elasta So glad you had a great time with your mum.Congrats on the date with a doctor.Very jealous.Can't wait to know how it goes.

Scl such a shame everyone on here seems to have a twat for an ex.Your email is good but i know if i ever ask my ex for anything it makes him more likely not to do/give what i have asked for.

I still can't decide whether or not to go bowling on saturday.It's just the whole everyone looking at me thing.I'm rubbish at it.

Forgot to say yes sponge definitely text WM as at this stage you have nothing to lose.

Bnm, i usually do as you said, the only reason i replied this time was because i felt so incensed that he could make time to piss about on a video, but not call the kids in over a month.

He still finds ways to have his rant whateveri behave like or dont react to. He even gave his thai gf my
number once so she could text me too about rubbish

Lou can't believe he is even giving other people your number.Sorry i keep repeating myself.I dont mean it in a bad way i just know what it is like is all.Everytime i think exp has finally moved on he comes back into my life and trys to ruin everything again.

elasta, glad mum is coping and getting enjoyment from you and yours. And great re Dr

the eejits we all have for X's

am feeling sorry for myself. Crap customer meeting this morning where their senior people didn't bother to show, and I had herded the senior cats at my end into the room, which made me look like an idiot (I shouldn't care, but I do )
Then another meeting all afternoon which was fine but by the time I had run around getting the projector back to the right building and battling the horrible tube, I was roasting and suddenly felt really ill on the suburban train from Euston. No seats and I ended up on the floor because my stomache was in horrible cramps and I couldn't trust standing up I felt so weird.
Got home and lovely nanny and dd1 were so sweet I burst into tears which was a bit of a shock for all concerned.
Am now in bed with hot water bottle on my stomch, feeling a little bit better but utterly shattered

Now's when I really wish there were some srong manly arms around me hugging me

MILU - I think the weather was not good for travelling or anything today. Bet it was very hot and stuffy on that train. Its so horrible feeling ill on public transport. Think when you rush around all day it can hit you the minute you have a bit of time to take stock.

I was quite busy at work and didn't really eat properly at work today (ate when I got in then didn't have much aftewards) stupid me. When I left off I felt so tired and as I was walking along felt really shaky and faint. Had to really talk myself out of it IYKWIM - think it was a minor panic attack which I have had in the distant past.

I just think we all do too much - long long days and mucho stress. I sometimes think I will go to my GP and say I just can't cope any more.

Thing is when married my exh would just roll his eyes when I felt ill.

Sorry for sounding so self indulgent.

Sin, you hit the nail on the head with all that. not self-indulgent, we may not be badly off compared to some but we are all dealing - the stress thing is spot on. I am ok for a few days, then I feel as though I am being stretch really thin, no elasticity left or resilience and then the smallest thing can set me off, that's when not having someone to turn to to take up the slack and let me step off the hamster wheel really gets to me

I am feeling a bit raw and fragile atm becuase of the divorce I think. I would just liek it to be over

It will get better mummy, my first year was by far the toughest, just sorting out the divorce, finances and arangements for the children and ours was agreed between us with little involvement from solicitors.

Also, dating can be quite stressful in itself as you feel you have to look your best and then stress what someone thinks about you.

WHY do we put ourselves through this?? Because I have a lunch date on Thur, I now have to get my hair done as I have let everything go to pot a bit recently. Still cant quite believe it, a man is coming all the way from London to take me out to lunch - his idea not mine. Said he didnt care about the distance he just wanted to meet me

MILY + SCL - nothing to really contribute but just wanted to send you (virtual) tea and sympathy.

elasta - well, take that on face value and enjoy yourself , you are most definitely worth it

the dating is stressful actually. I am feeling v odd about the GMM situation. He emailed me in response to my email on Sun eve but nothing since, feels a bit like pulling teeth sometimes....

and not a thing from anyone else on GSM (endless meaningless ice breakers on SWK ) so my ego feeling at low ebb

divorce, yeuch. It just is sad sad sad

Grrr, I am absolutely hopping mad...

Kiwi toyboy has been a bit elusive since he left here on Sunday pm, have been trying not to read anything into it. I was getting so Bridget Jones about checking my phone that I actually turned it off at bedtime last night and left it that way til 4.30 today after work. There was one text from him, which I didn't respond to, then another one about 8pm tonight with 'I've been thinking about us'.

Oh goody, I thought, so have I - how wrong I was! He admitted he had met someone else and since he knew it couldn't be serious with me (which is what he said he wanted, is only here on 2 yr visa after all) and he really liked her etc etc....Bastard.

Hope she knows he left my bed a few hours before meeting her. She's welcome to him.