Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 24)

[Remotew]

Hello!

morning elasta, really glad to hear things (within reason) are looking more positive. The running thing is interesting - I used to be an avid runner, can head into bridleways and tracks through local woods very easily from my house and I love getting muddy off-road, used to be able to run like that for 60-90 mins......all kind of went by the wayside in the last year or so . Really, if I can manage to get organised, I ought to be able to make time for it, on the days I work from home

so, I blocked out some time a couple of days a week for the next few weeks......test will be, do I actually go do it??

and finally....

is going to be a weird day. XH here and we have our first proper divorce discussion after the kids are in bed this eve. I am determined to be calm, sensible, reasonable and, if he is not all those things (esp reasonable) then i will just very calmly say I would rather do this via mediation or something because I am not going to just give him everything cos he feels hed done by

it gets to the point I can't think straight and worry I am being unreasonable, then I explain to an outsider and it is blatantly obv the XH is in lala land when it comes to divorce settlement......... sigh..........I just have to remember, enabling him to have the children to stay etc etc will be good for eveyone and that is the goal. If he starts with the snippy comments about my 'enormous' salasry and 'luxury' lifestyle....

Are you using a solicitor MILU

We didn't but managed to come to a fairly amicable arrangement. However Ihave wondered if I sold myself short by not using one.

Following on from the paediatric dietician appt for ds2 they sent through a further appointment and exh happened to see the letter at my house and asked me why hadn't I told him etc. The simple reason I hadn't told him was due to it being inconvenient so I was going to try to change it.

What is his problem? I think this totally demonstrates how controlling he can be.

He sees DS2 every fortnight for 24 hours when new p is also there and they totally restrict what he eats and drinks because she s a health freak and exh is still trying to impress her, plus dependent upon her for a roof over his head. The boys complain about how different he is when she is present - pleasant and charming, with them alone - sometimes snarling and gritted teeth and with me - ds1 says daddy wouldn't talk to NP like he does to you mummy!'

I have explained there are three sets of rules, mine, his and theirs.

Then exh sees him alone for 3 hours every week when he has been known to buy him cheesecake and also a smoothie - which was also suggested not a good idea by dietician.

Therefore what's the reason for him acccompanying us to the appts?

And as predicted by me ds2 is getting a bit obsessed ie looking at calories, saying he's not allowed to eat anything and weighing himself. I don't want him to get like this he is just 9 FFS.

TBH not sure he needs to go back to see her.
I can't see the point and I don't want so much made of it. I am not in denial he is a bit overweight but I am not sure this is the right way to go about things.

hey Sin

I have consulted a solicitor but XH has not - he has asked if we can use the same firm to keep costs down, having agreed between ourselves what the terms will be. If we can come up with something sensible then I am ok with this (as is my sol) but if I feel i am being disadvantaged then I will calmly back away....

ref your DS2, I really feel for you - I was bulimic from my mid-teens to my early 30's and know all about the mind games and pressures. The thing that saved me eventually that I wish I had been able to understand (much much) earlier was the recognition of stopping when I am full and being active (not a gym bunny). If there is any way to help DS2 with those things that may be the way forward

Actually I did have a session with a solicitor pre separation - it cost £165 I think and I didn't follow her advice in the end as she was talking about a 50/50 split and then joked - it would be OK if you lived in Doncaster re you both buying property.

In the event he gave me most of the (remaining) equity in the house because I think he felt guilty about screwing up financially. However it was not enough to buy again so I privately rent.

Yes I do try to get him to really feel the fullness IYKWIM as opposed to just stuffing food down and he is quite active so not a worry there.

My exh seems to think Im not doing anything to address the problem (it was him that wanted me to go to gp in the first instance)which is actually not true but what he still hasn't grasped is that there is not prescribed diet sheet or portion sizes for kids of that age - the idea is not for them to lose weight but to grow into their existing weight.

And he was also told by the dietician that ds would out eat an adult as they approach teenage years.

Just to demonstrate newp's issues - she woud not allow ds1 (13 and skinny) a 99 last year as it was too chocolately.

god yes, I remember your posts about that, crap - the newp's attitude is all wrong

making things taboo just make kids want them more - wild stab in the dark, bet she doesn't have kids herself?

ref divorce - anything that makes my xh feel guilty he projects onto me a lashes out (not physically) so I tread quite a careful line - when I think about the manner of his departure last year, reasons for and behaviour since I want to scream at his victim attitude, but weeks of counselling didn't change his view of the world (38 yrs in the making....) and so I know nothing I say now will

Hijack.

Can you check out my thread in chat which starts simething like " my 9year old son.

I thank you!

MILU
yes she does actually they have dts together - however they are still very young - toddlers and tightly controlled atm - still in very regimented routine (the one devised by she who shall not be named on mumsnet)

Lou will look at your thread.

sin, now I remember , poor dts

well I have been for a run for the first time in 6 months, am bright red but chuffed to have finally got off my backside. Maybe a good omen for this evening's chat

lou, am still in awe at DS gumption

see you all later in the aftermath, hope some have fun planned for this friday eve and all have a good one

Oh your poor Ds :( I hate dieticians that cause that.

we've had joys of various sickness here. now completely drained and so behind on packing. we're going to be shifting furniture around the stuff i think. seeing the state XH left the house in after i was ill last night, think even if he begged to come back i am well and truly done now.

carrot was still being on and off. decided i was too tired for pissing about and sent a text asking if we were ok or what? Said it was a yes/no thing not a deep analysis. turned out it WAS a deep analysis. i am trying to appreciate one who shares feelings. pretty much he is scared of letting himself get involved with anyone (ongoing thing), but doesn't want to stop seeing me. i am still learning this whole dating thing anyway. current plan is carry on as we are and if he (or me i guess) wants to change in either direction then go with directness. This ain't seeming promising for my sex life any time soon though! So much for uncomplicated fun. Part of me thinks its a lot of hassle for a guy i barely know, but i am listening to the part that has been so happy this month.

Oh your poor Ds :( I hate dieticians that cause that.

we've had joys of various sickness here. now completely drained and so behind on packing. we're going to be shifting furniture around the stuff i think. seeing the state XH left the house in after i was ill last night, think even if he begged to come back i am well and truly done now.

carrot was still being on and off. decided i was too tired for pissing about and sent a text asking if we were ok or what? Said it was a yes/no thing not a deep analysis. turned out it WAS a deep analysis. i am trying to appreciate one who shares feelings. pretty much he is scared of letting himself get involved with anyone (ongoing thing), but doesn't want to stop seeing me. i am still learning this whole dating thing anyway. current plan is carry on as we are and if he (or me i guess) wants to change in either direction then go with directness. This ain't seeming promising for my sex life any time soon though! So much for uncomplicated fun. Part of me thinks its a lot of hassle for a guy i barely know, but i am listening to the part that has been so happy this month.

hey

survived

Hi all,

Waves 2nd glass back!!! Am at mums tonight, have had lovely evening with mum and nurse who is same age as me and fab. Took mum for MRI - her tumour is much worse than last week but still not treatment plan - suspect it is too late

nothing at all from sailor, even though he knows I am here dealing with a load of shit. If i dont hear from him tomorrow then that is the end for me. Have had loads of support from my friends today and f**k all from him. I guess that tells me everything I really need to know about him at this stage in my life

Mummy - how did it go???

hey elasta, god my love, that puts it all in perspective for me - so glad you have had a nice evening but desperately (sp??wine.....) sorry about the prognosis.

Sailor tough call but your instincts sound spot on

I just feel really hollow and empty. Basically, very sensible and sane conversation with XH which concluded with us pretty much agreeing - so far so great

and then I cried and cried and cried

I don't love him, but he is my DH and DCs's father and I feel like such a failure

FFS

I am ok and I know this is the right thing, but it is not what I dreamed of

gah

Big hugs to both of you - both having hard times in very different ways - sometimes life is a bloody bitch!

I've just been told today that my DD will be having wave 3 intervention which seems to be an indication that she has SEN so now just need to find exactly what those needs are ...

Would join you in large glass of something but am just too knackered but sending you support and virtual support as needed!

kdk, hugs right back

on the plus side, have just taken a wander off to the AIBU topics and realised there are some people who just don't get out enough.....inapropriateness (sp sp, sp??) of black dress at a wedding anyone??!! But it made me lol

is possible that what I need is a nice date with GMM (sunday eve, check) and a snog (, lets see how that goes shall we?). Will you think I am bad for using him in this horrible way??

god, I thought I was over all the crying

y'know, I am really looking forward to the first anniversary of XH departure (3rd Nov, for reference) so that I can move on - things keep happening where I think, goodness, this time lst year was so lovely and it was all before.... must remember for mental strength that, at that time, he had been regularly chatting hideously explicitly with various lovely ladies on t'internet and had posted pics of himself and his enviable bod (nowt left to the imagination...) , no rose-coloured specs chez MILY....

am off to bed.

see you all anon

elasta i am really sorry to hear about your mum, i am thinking of you (have been there myself)

flame, i think you should just tell him you wanna rip his clothes off and do bad things to him

kdk, wave 3 is definitely confirmation that a child has SEN. I wish teachers would just tell parents straight instead of hiding behind jargon. Normal, differentiated teaching is wave 1, additional support is wave 2 and wave 3 is targeted, individualised support with the intention of the child reaching at least level 1 by y2 and level 3 by y6 (both of these are a level below national expectations, btw).

So I joined lovestruck london, have had over 200 'hits' in two days and met a guy last night! He was sweet, we're going to meet again next weekend, although I'm chatting to several others too. Don't know if I dare tell any of my friends though, since he is 30 and I'm 42

Nothing wrong with that age gap!

flame - am glad you get on with your mom's nurse, it makes an unbearable situation slightly less bearable i think ((((((((()))))))

mily - ((((((()))))))

kdk - ((((())))))

lilac - sorry i havenm't said hi before my head's kin dof in the clouds at the mo i agree with lou - nothing worng with an age-gap, it depend s if you and he have issues with it, nobody else's beeswax

great news for you aurora :)

i am in pain, i banged my funny bone really hard this evening on a sharp corner and it still hurts, and i cant bend or straighten my arm without wincing :(

Ouch lou, hope it feels better today.