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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

I feel a bit sick and over emotional, can somebody tell me what to do now while i calm down.

256 replies

fairyfly · 23/08/2005 18:03

My boys were picked up by their dad on Friday. Not a very reliable man and this was probably a very stupid idea. I have not been able to get through to him on his mobile. The landline has been ignored. I have constantly been rining as i promised my children i would check they were ok daily and get them if they felt unhappy or anything.
My x's girlfriend has just answered the phone and said they are not with her, they are in Scotland, they are with their Grandad who they hardly know. I didn't even tell them thats where they were going and im not allowed to ring them.
I feel sick.

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fairyfly · 23/08/2005 18:08

Does anyone know what will happenm if i ring the police, i don't know where my kids are, im not allowed an address or a telephone number. My x's girlfriend has just hung up on me when i said i need to know now.

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Blu · 23/08/2005 18:09

ff, what do you mean, you are not allowee to ring? Do you mean because ex won't answer? Do you have the number for the grandad, or can you get it from another relative?
Is ex in Scotland with them?
God, this sounds horrible.

Try not to feel sick. If they were really distressed he wouldn't be such a monster as to not let them talk to yu, would he?

Getting a landline number for the grandad sounds like a good starting point. Can we help?

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snafu · 23/08/2005 18:09

Oh, bloody hell, ff. I don't know what to suggest.

Why aren't you allowed to ring them?

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Blu · 23/08/2005 18:10

ff - think of every fact you can remember about the grandad. preumably ex's dad?
we can track him down.

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Fio2 · 23/08/2005 18:11

ring her back tell her if she doesnt give you the number of where they are now you are ruinging the police

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Aimsmum · 23/08/2005 18:11

Message withdrawn

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Blu · 23/08/2005 18:12

OR take a v deep breath, then clamly - CALMLY call gf back and say that you promised the boys that they would be able to speak to you, that ex promised he would call, and that unless she wants to be at the centre of a scandal involving the ss, it would be a good idea if she were to tell you where you children are.

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sobernow · 23/08/2005 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fio2 · 23/08/2005 18:13

very more sensible idea blu, then if no joy tell her you WILL ring the police as after all you are the one with parental responsibility

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essbee · 23/08/2005 18:13

Message withdrawn

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BunnyBoo · 23/08/2005 18:14

This is really awful FF i would do what fio suggested first, if that fails i would contact the police.

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essbee · 23/08/2005 18:14

Message withdrawn

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Pixiefish · 23/08/2005 18:16

police ff. ring them now

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Blu · 23/08/2005 18:16

ff - there is no evidence to suggest that anything bad or dangerous has happened to them, just that your ex is being typically irresponsible, selfish and inconsiderate. Don't panic. if the boys were frantic, he would have let them call you.
Just track down the grandad, or put pressure on girl-hag-friend to be upfront and helpful.

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Papillon · 23/08/2005 18:17

Agree with Blu´s advice fairyfly - this is very wrong. 100% you should know there whereabouts - taking them away to Scotland without your prior approval is very stupid of him and irresponsible behaviour, even if it is to family.

((((hug))))

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Fio2 · 23/08/2005 18:18

i agree with blu aswell ff, the boys will be fine he is just the biggest twat, honestly he is such an arsehole give him an inch and he takes a mile

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Flossam · 23/08/2005 18:19

Oh FF, I don't know what you should do. Do you know grandpa's name? Find out his phone number? Would he not be horrified by his son's behaviour atm?

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fairyfly · 23/08/2005 18:20

because i said they weren't allowed to go to their grandads until he started bonding with them and showing more interest, they don't know him.
Everyone has gone behind my back and done it anyway, he lives in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. I don't know the add and he doesn't have a landline.
My kids barely wanted to go to their dads but i made them and now they wont know what the hell is going on .

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Blu · 23/08/2005 18:23

Are there any other relatives in the area, ff? Does ex have any brothers and sisters that you could call?
He really is an arse, isn't he? This is definately a power trip.
if you can't track them down through other relatives, perhaps try the gf again and leave a message saying that if ex and the boys don't contact you within 12 hours you will call the police.

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Pixiefish · 23/08/2005 18:24

Perhaps a visit by the police to x's girlfriend may sharpen her mind a bit and get him to contact you.
When were they due back ff?
Agree with the others that the kids are ok and that ex is a total twat for doing this.
I would still phone the police as you can't get hold of the kids.

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aloha · 23/08/2005 18:24

I think Blu has a good point. Ring the girlfriend and point out that you are their mother, and that if she doesn't cough the number you are calling the police and it might seriously damage your ex's chance of seeing his kids like this ever again. He's vile, he really truly is. God, whenever I think my dh and his ex are hostile your ex pops up to remind me that she is a paragon of reasonableness in comparison.

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Aimsmum · 23/08/2005 18:25

Message withdrawn

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Papillon · 23/08/2005 18:25

Yes ff they must be wondering what the hell is going on! If they expect to hear from you also.

I reckon you need to put ALOT more boundaries on future access. Especially if your ds´s are reluctant to visit him. Because he is not listening to you or your boys.

When are you expecting them back to your house?

(((((more hugs)))))) have you got someone with you right now?

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fairyfly · 23/08/2005 18:25

Grandad has just rang. He was appalled i didn't know they were going. He was appalled i am in hysterics. He said he had no idea i was trying to contact them and he will ring everyday. He said he whole heartedly agrees what his son has done is wrong. I said this entire situation stinks of abduction and you will be in so much shit when i tell my solicitor it is a sure fire way of his son loosing all contact. Grandad was very mature and polite, told me all the lovely things he has been doing with my kids. I spoke to them and they were really happy, giggling in the background. They said they had a treehouse etc.
I really don't feel well, i have just totally shat myself.

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Blu · 23/08/2005 18:26

I am not sure about actually calling the police unless you seriously think he has abducted them or they are in danger.
If it was me, I might research my rights about access, if he is going to be so irresponsible. But if you DO need to do something seriously legal in the future, calls to the police which are more about emotional leverage than real fears for safety won't help your case.

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Flip

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