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I feel a bit sick and over emotional, can somebody tell me what to do now while i calm down.

256 replies

fairyfly · 23/08/2005 18:03

My boys were picked up by their dad on Friday. Not a very reliable man and this was probably a very stupid idea. I have not been able to get through to him on his mobile. The landline has been ignored. I have constantly been rining as i promised my children i would check they were ok daily and get them if they felt unhappy or anything.
My x's girlfriend has just answered the phone and said they are not with her, they are in Scotland, they are with their Grandad who they hardly know. I didn't even tell them thats where they were going and im not allowed to ring them.
I feel sick.

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vickitiredmum · 23/08/2005 19:23

sorry, was a bit behind was all! Dont ring them now. Glad you have made contact!!!!

Flossam · 23/08/2005 21:38

Phew FF. Be glad that GP sounds a reasonable and caring man and they are with him as well as your useless decietful ex. Hurry on Monday to have them home safe and sound. x

fairyfly · 23/08/2005 22:47

I have decided while hysterically loosing the plot and sitting in a dark room till i calm down that gd is talking bollocks. Course he will have known, i was so confused and shocked that i just listened to any crap as i was relieved.
I told grandad no visits until things were sorted and he rang occasionaly, i have not heard from him since. So absolulutely no way would he have suddenly thought i had a change of heart without speaking to me and the boys just miraculously appeared with my blessing at his house.
I think he is just trying to cause the minimum amount of damage while they all smugly realise they get what they want anyhow.
I am a complete and utter fool for letting them out of my sight. I am totally exhausted with the stress of carrying all this and yet again i have been made a complete tit of. I have the most sarcastic patronising message on my answering machine left whilst i was on the phone to someone else. It is x's girlfriend calling me darling asking if i am ok now, it is so obvious from her tone of voice she is smugly ripping the piss out of me.
I want my boys home, i want them away from all this bitter, sneaky, underhand dishonest behaviour and above all i want to trust nobody apart from myself. Which quite frankly sucks and means they are getting me as twisted as they are.

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WideWebWitch · 23/08/2005 22:53

Fucking hell ff, your ex is a total c* isn't he? I've just read this in utter shock and horror so I cannot imagine what you were going through this afternoon. Sorry, I can't give any sensible advice because I would be apoplectic too. God, what an absolute vile piece of cack he is. It's NOT YOUR FAULT though, please remember that in all this. Hey at least your boys are fine. Girlfriend sounds a hag too.

saadia · 23/08/2005 22:54

Oh ff what an awful situation. Monday is so far away. Is there any way you could get to the gd's and bring them back?

WideWebWitch · 23/08/2005 22:54

Gawd, excuse my language, typed without thinking, hope I haven't offended anyone (don't expect this to have offended you Ms ff but you know, other readers may have had their delicate sensibilities upset)

marthamoo · 23/08/2005 22:57

www, I think your first sentence summed up the situation admirably. He is all of those things and then some. FF, Monday is an age away - are you going to be able to manage 'til then? Your boys do sound OK but you are going to brood about this 'til you get them home, aren't you? What a bloody mess. Where is your ex? Is he there too or are they just with their grandad?

fairyfly · 23/08/2005 23:01

Thanks www for swearing, it makes me feel better, calling him a silly sausage or other such pc words would have made me bang my head against the computer.

I rang gd politely just to check the number i was given was correct. It is, i said thanks for looking after them and i trust they are having a wonderful time. I'm not winding him up while i dont have them. Now i need to build up some more trust tomorrow and get his address, i will say for peace of mind as he realises how much i panic, hehe, silly old me, blah blah blah. Then i'm getting them picked up. How can i possible ever ever let them go anywhere now. More total irrational thoughts to screw me up.

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fairyfly · 23/08/2005 23:04

x fights for a visit and is not with them, i mean ffs, he has gone on about this for months and he is not even seeing them.
I have left another message on x's answering machine saying there is no point in hiding from me anymore, i know the boys aren't with him amd instead of digging a deeper hole he should ring me as soon as possible.

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Caligula · 23/08/2005 23:04

Can you get to see your solicitor about this? And can you call One Parent Families Helpline tomorrow? They may be able to give you some advice about future contact.

fairyfly · 23/08/2005 23:06

I'm ringing my solicitor in the morning, everyone seems to think he will now only be able to see them with supervision, how lovely for the children. Hopefully between the pair of us we can screw them up for good.

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giraffeski · 23/08/2005 23:11

Message withdrawn

Heathcliffscathy · 23/08/2005 23:12

ff, so sorry i missed this. however, blu said everything i would hope to have said but much better as per usual.

whatever else you do, i think you should definitely foster a relationship with their grandad, he sounds like a nice man and it's great that they're having a good time with him. he could really help you with you ex who is behaving just unspeakably imo.

Janh · 23/08/2005 23:13

ff, love, agree ex has been a total twat (for a change) and handled this pathetically badly (him and her) - but it sounds as if their grandad is happy to have them, and that they are happy to be there, and grandparents can be very good for kids.

So - god knows if his original phone call was honest or not, but if you have had no communication with him since things with ex went tits up, maybe he just assumed you didn't want to talk to him?

Ex certainly needs pulling up short (or maybe castration would be good) but his dad may be entirely innocent in all of this. Please give him a bit of a chance before you go steaming in?

fairyfly · 23/08/2005 23:13

Will do sometime this week, don't mind drinking gin surrounded by ironing, i do that every morning.

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fairyfly · 23/08/2005 23:15

ooookkkkk, voices of reasons Janh and soph.....how about i ask for his address, if he gives it i trust him, if he doesn't i then barge in. Good idea?

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Heathcliffscathy · 23/08/2005 23:16

great plan. i think he will give it happily from everything you conveyed about the conversation. ff, you'd know if your kids were unhappy and they sounded great.....

Caligula · 23/08/2005 23:20

Of course he should give you his address. Your children are there.

For Christ's sake, how have we got to a stage where not knowing exactly where your children are (when they are this young) is somehow considered possibly OK?

How old are your kids again, FF?

My children are staying with my aunt, and I got irritated today because I didn't realise what time it was and phoned them at 8pm when it was too late to talk to them. It just pisses me off that my aunt and mum are too mean to pick up the phone to let me talk to my children before bedtime. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I didn't even know where they were.

Janh · 23/08/2005 23:21

Um - that sounds OK, although if ex has given him any propaganda about you he may be reluctant to give it at first. You may need to negotiate a bit.

But he should be able to tell, from the time he's spent with them already, what a fantastic mum you are to them and that he should be on your side, not ex's. Hope so.

fairyfly · 23/08/2005 23:22

I think my kids are happy, i just dont trust anyone, i'm paranoid i wont be able to contact them again. But i think that is just because of the stress of today. Gd did give his number freely and sounded very concerned and sorry i was so distressed. I remember him saying don't you worry one bit i am going to tell my son in no uncertain terms you are his main priority when it comes to the children.
Also he sympathised and said he would be the same and i mustn't worry they were meeting all his ferrets and helping him clean the cage. Which sounds rather lovely for two little boys.
X has done himself no favours though as i am nuerotic and he has completely lost the tiny bit of trust we were building.
Thanks, i'm rambling.

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fairyfly · 23/08/2005 23:26

They are 4 and 6 Caligula. I promised them i would ring everyday and haven't been able to for four. That really pisses me off. I'm not going to start breaking promises to them aswell as Daddy.

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Janh · 23/08/2005 23:29

That's not a broken promise though, FF - you would have if you could - tell them daddy "forgot" to give you grandad's number, but you have it now and will ring them every day until they come home again.

They are very confident, secure and happy little boys despite their dad, and that's completely down to you. They trust you because you deserve it.

fairyfly · 23/08/2005 23:32

Thanks, i feel slightly better about them being there. Infact you know what my friend said, she said they are probably better off with him than with x and his girlfriend as they are both behaving so immaturely. gd seems to have a slightly more stable attitude. Perhaps i will wake up a little more relaxed and get on with my stress free break, but i doubt it.

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vickitiredmum · 23/08/2005 23:34

FF - janh is right. And without meaning to make you paranoid, you dont know what aspect of this story your x has given gp. He may have neglected to mention certain things, and will certainly have his own perspective on the matter, the same as you do. I think you should get the address and give gp the benefit of the doubt. And try to build on this relationship with gp - it may work to your advantage with x and h is immature ways. I dont think anyone is out to hurt your DS's in all of this and that has to be the focus at the end of the day. It doesnt do anyone any good and certainly not the kids - have seen this happen with SIL and her DDs, their dad and his 18 yr old new girlfriend! And the more people that you can trust to leave your DSs with in the long run when you need a break has got to be a good thing. (IYSWIM)

vickitiredmum · 23/08/2005 23:36

And theres no reason why you cant have a good relationship with gd, whatever the relationship/circumstances with your x and his girlfriend.

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