Page 4 | August Chat

rosmerta · 02/08/2008 21:43

Hi all, been at a class observation all day today so am now shattered! But still thought I'd pop on quickly & see how everyone is.

Paddle, hope you feel better tomorrow & that there's no noise tonight!

Partygirl, I don't think I'll be able to come over tomorrow, will have to arrange another time. My mum is coming down so have to be relatively close by in case she arrives while we're out.

Sfx, shame about the cinema trip but at least you got to enjoy the film! Btw, I've found sit down protests seem to fail if you sit down with them, you could suggest that strategy to dh. Admittedly, have had some odd looks in the street but it always takes the wind out of ds's sails .

Original poster

mellow2 · 03/08/2008 07:57

Paddle,
My sympathies. Hope you're feeling better today.

Sfx,
Coincidentally, dh and I watch Wall-e yesterday. Dd was with GPs. We enjoyed it too.

OP posts:

Original poster

mellow2 · 03/08/2008 07:57

Paddle,
My sympathies. Hope you're feeling better today.

Sfx,
Coincidentally, dh and I watch Wall-e yesterday. Dd was with GPs. We enjoyed it too.

OP posts:

Original poster

mellow2 · 03/08/2008 07:57

Watched not watch

OP posts:

2Cute · 03/08/2008 08:29

Hello everyone hope all are well.

Just got back yesterday after spending a month away with DS in Canada to build our strenth up to face life again.

Anyaways, I am going to have to be rude and jump right into it. I'm not sure if anybody here could help me but I am desperate so any help is sincerely appreciated. Issues with in laws have not stopped. For those of you that don't know my in laws have been harassing me since my husband passed away, they are after my home etc. They were issued with harrasment warnings by the police which they have continued to breach but I am too scared of obtaining an injunction because it means having to face them in court. My DS was so afraid of them that he did not feel safe anymore as his dad was no longer here to protect us from them so we moved in with my parents until he felt safe enough to go home). We have had to put up CCTV cameras etc at my home because of them and DS was finally settling back and feeling safe again. Now the in laws are taking me to court, applying for a contact order to see DS (take him for weekends etc). They have lied saying that they had a very close relationship with him etc. He is petrified of them and I promised him I would never let them near him or hurt him ever again. How can I keep that promise now? I cannot understand how Grandparents rights can prevail over a child's rights or a mother's right to keep her child safe. Now I am going to have to face them in court and I cannot stress how afraid I am. Everything they did to us in the past is coming flooding back and I can't cope with this on top of losing my DH. I don't know where to run too. Sorry for the lengthy message but I really need any advice help or anything anyone can give. It felt so good being away and I felt ready to face life again but coming back to all this has just messed my head up again.

Paddlechick666 · 03/08/2008 08:40

hello luv, was thinking of you just yesterday and wondering when you'd be back.

what a complete shit that you've had such a good time away and have come back to yet more crap from the ILs.

tbh, now they have upped the anti I don't think you have any choice but to go out all guns blazing against them now.

at least you have all the police records to show the harrassment.

i'd take action to get the injunction asap, it surely will count agains them in any action they take to get contact.

can you get any advice from CAFCASS etc? be pro-active rather than re-active and get in first to head them off.

sorry you're still having to deal with this mate.

2Cute · 03/08/2008 08:46

Hey you. They have already contacted the CAFCASS who will come and check how DS lives etc. Feels like it's all against me and I'm on trial! I'll try contacting the CAFCASS and see what they say, thanks. I'll do anything. Just got back Friday so tomorrow I'll be ringing around trying to find a good solicitor. More money I don't have down the drain. The whole probate thing is going to court aswell as they're not budging on that either. How much sh*tter can my life get ey?!

rosmerta · 03/08/2008 08:52

2cute, I can't believe the trouble they're causing . Sorry, I really don't know what to suggest though.

Paddlechick666 · 03/08/2008 08:52

God, I wish I was able to give you more/better advice but have no idea who this all works.

CAFCASS/Courts are supposed to rule in the best interests of the child so you'd hope they'd see how awful the ILs are. You might have to prepare yourself for some sort of contact tho, supervised etc.

I really really think you're going to have to actively fight back now. Who knows, if you make it hard enough they might just give up.

You can get legal aid for contact orders I believe. Trouble is, around here very few sols offer legal aid as I found out earlier this year.

Check out www.singlewithkids.co.uk there's a lot of support there from single parents across the board. Several are having ishooos where CAFCASS are involved. Mostly with exes seeking access but they'll still be able to give you some personal experience of dealing with CAFCASS etc.

bunyanvillas · 03/08/2008 09:10

Hi 2cute, have just read your post and am sending big hugs. What a horrific situation for you. I wish I could suggest something to help you but this is not an area I know anything about. Perhaps another mumsnetter can recommend a s**t hot solicitor for you within the legal/moneymatters section?

Kewcumber · 03/08/2008 09:24

2cute - grnaparens have no legal right of access in this country but can apply to court for it anyway - it doesn't mean they will be granted. Your restraining order/Police involvement with count for you I think.

I know it is very very hard but you need to stay as calm as posisble with anyone CAFCASS send and say to them exactly what you've said to us here. Tell them all the problems you have had with any evidence you might have. Tell them that you would consider letterbox contact (ie you sent social services a etter say twice a years with a report of how DS is doing and maybe a photo) but that until he is old enough to make an informed decision himself and until they have stopped harrassing you, that you think contact will be damaging to DS. List the affect on his behaviour of some of the things they have done.

Sound like the voice of reason eg thats its possible some of their bizarrre bahviour is because of they grief at losing their son but you cant consider face to face contact until they can control that behaviour.

You have a very supportive family - its not like DS is being deprived of any family contact. Give them names and contact numbers of anyone who can back up your story particularly people from outside the family.

If you want to talk give me a call.

sfxmum · 03/08/2008 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sfxmum · 03/08/2008 09:38

sorry will ask for post to be deleted

stepfordwife · 03/08/2008 12:59

2cute. i'm so sorry you're gong through this, at a time when you need all your strength to get your life together and look after your beautiful boy.

what kew and paddle has said is right - GPs got a right to apply but that doesn't mean they'll get it. from what's gone, would be very unlikely. and, yes, document everything, however in turmoil you're feeling inside adopt the reasonable stance-- tell the powers-to-be what they want to hear.

god, i know it's easy for us to say, as you're frightened of them and you're feeling vulnerable and alone, but, you've got to summon every bit of strength (which is more than you know) and sense of justice, and stand up to them - for your sake and your son's sake.

sorry, can't give legal advice, not my field, but, as ros says, sure if you'll start a thread (apologies if you already have) sure you'll get valuable advice.

if i can help in anyway, please give me a shout and here to talk too if you want to

stepfordwife · 03/08/2008 13:00

gone on

rosmerta · 03/08/2008 15:18

2cute, I've emailed you

Kewcumber · 03/08/2008 15:34

oh and to add - form my (vast) experience of social workers you need to bang on about you main concern being "whats in the best interess of DS". Say that is your only concern and at the moment he has been too scared by their actions for it to be in his best interests to have to deal with them

ComeOVeneer · 03/08/2008 20:57

Sorry your having to deal with all this 2cute, and sorry dh wasn't able to help out with the other stuff earlier in the year either. No advice either, but just wanted to add my support,and as others have said feel free to rant and rave to use as much as you need.

sfxmum · 03/08/2008 22:02

2cute sorry about earlier, just to excited to see you about
I am sorry you are going through this, but you are a good mother under very difficult circumstances and your ds is lovely and quite well adjusted considering all that he has been through.
They can't win they can rattle and hurt you but you need to keep calm and dug in fight your corner
I am sorry at present I have no practical advice but yo can count on support for a chat or just hand holding
huge hugs to you both
(dd will be pleased you are back, keeps asking about ds)

paddle nice to see you earlier, was glad to find company

KC trust you are dry now

MrsRecycle · 03/08/2008 22:18

just a quick catch-up. 2Cute so so sorry to hear the shit you are going through at the moment. I can't help out, unfortunately, but if you were to start a thread (even change your name/post it locally) where you could log everything they have done and everything they are trying to do then you will have a record to refer back to. As long as its not in the chat section, it will stay in the archives for a very long time.

Off to watch the Murry final but wanted to grab your attention KC, if you're around, have just sent you a mail, A & H were chasing for the remainder of the balance so I said you would send it by return of post. If you want to check out the mail, all is explained.

partygirl, got your letter Saturday - thanks!

Check back tomorrow....

sillybigsausage · 04/08/2008 10:13

2Cute - God you poor thing - how horrific for you to have to go though this sh*t after everything you have already been through.

I don't have any personal experience of this but I do feel you need to have someone acting on your behalf - a solicitor or advocate. I went through a different sort of sh*t a few years ago and found it kept me togther having a couple of people (incl a good solicitor) who could give me the best advice and "hand hold" me when I was feeling wobbly.

Are there any other agencies you can go to, to get someone to guide you though the legal aspects and give you the best advice?
Would deffo suggest straing a thred and also do some googling on "grand parents access rights" etc

Agree with Kew about upping the anti- going fo the injunction if they are still harassing you.

Also worth considering support of a GP who could writ a letter confirming the affect on your DS of his fear of the GPs/ILs. e.g. has he had trouble sleeping after seeing them? All good evidence you can use in court.

Kewcumber · 04/08/2008 10:15

thanks MrsR - will sort this morning.

I am seriously considering lattitude next year

sfxmum · 04/08/2008 10:27

is it because The Observer declared it posh?

Kewcumber · 04/08/2008 10:40

you read the Observer

Kewcumber · 04/08/2008 10:40

no its becasue Rich hall was there last year!