Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

Move to US is an option- am I mad?

239 replies

Tryingtohelp12 · 16/06/2023 11:51

We’ve had the opportunity to move to the US with my dh job. Are we mad to consider it?
I feel like we are stuck in a bit of a rut and in the future we will regret not taking more risks. we have 2 (about to be 3) children who would be aged 5,2 and newborn.
pros
great for long term career for dh
experience
change
increase standard of living in terms of salary

cons
young children being away from extended family
limit on my ‘career’ as I couldn’t work as we’d have no family support - I’m honestly not super passionate about work
reliant on husband/husbands job

Are we mad for considering it?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Konfetka · 16/06/2023 11:56

You need to tell us whereabouts in the US.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/06/2023 11:57

Probably

FisherThem · 16/06/2023 11:57

I've lived abroad (pre kids) and loved it, and am v pro adventures and the opportunity travel brings for kids. However I wouldn't want to fit into the US system (health insurance costs, violence, Trump, minimal annual leave etc) and I would be very wary of the impact not being able to work might have.

Things to consider:
Where in the US and for how long?
Impact on kids' education
Expat or local package?

TheMurderousGoose · 16/06/2023 11:59

It would very much depend where in the US.

Ohio - no

NYC - maybe

TheMurderousGoose · 16/06/2023 12:00

Plus the salary offered would want to be eye wateringly tempting as everything is so expensive in America.

Tunafiiiish · 16/06/2023 12:04

As others have said, where is important. It’s like saying you are moving to Europe. France is very different to Hungary…

But as a rule of thumb, you need to at least double the U.K. salary, if not triple in some places to get a nice standard of living.

But, with enough cash, it can be great.

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 16/06/2023 12:06

You'll get a lot of "no obviously because of guns". It is something to think about but doesn't affect the day to day lives of most Americans.

The thing I would say having lived on both sides of the Atlantic and with family on both sides is that life in the US can be amazing if you have a lot of money. But it can be really awful if you don't or if you fall on hard times

ThatOnePlease · 16/06/2023 12:07

Do not underestimate the impact of not working and being dependent on dh.

Your dc are small and staying home is appealing, I understand.

Is this a time-limited post? Or open-ended? What is your path to a work visa and how long would that take?

If you and dh split up, but he wants to continue living in the US, you could be in deep trouble. Your dc would be settled in US schools. You would be in a foreign country with no right to work and an unstable immigration status. His situation could be very different.

So that's not one tiny item on a 'con' list. It's a whole universe of potential problems and worth considering in depth.

WheresSpring · 16/06/2023 12:11

1 Where? 2 How long or open ended? 3 What will the salary cover - what sort of healthcare do you get?

Original poster
Tryingtohelp12 · 16/06/2023 12:46

Tennessee. It’s a very generous package inc health care, relocation allowance, flights back for everyone 2 x per year.

it would be a minimum of 2 years.

I understand concerns about me not working- but it is something we are considering moving to in the UK anyway. I don’t enjoy work and believe the Quality of life of our whole family improves during times I’ve not been in work eg maternity leave. My work is in a desirable role and I believe a 2-3 year gap wouldn’t matter too much and I could pick up something similar fairly easily.

the biggest con for me is leaving family. We live within 5 miles / 15 min car drive of our entire extended family including both sets of parents, siblings (and nieces and nephews) and grandparents. We see them a lot. I will say though I am a social person and feel comfortable building new relationships/ friendships.

we’ve had opportunities previously and barely considered them. We both look back now and regret not being braver. I worry this would be similar regret for not exploring it.

OP posts:
MrsLully · 16/06/2023 13:04

Tennessee?! Go OP go!

Original poster
Tryingtohelp12 · 16/06/2023 13:08

MrsLully · 16/06/2023 13:04

Tennessee?! Go OP go!

What makes you say that?! The other reason it feels a bit mad is we have never even been there !!!

OP posts:
MrsLully · 16/06/2023 13:14

@Tryingtohelp12 I wouldn't go if it was on the west coast for example, I think they have gone a bit mad, also high crime rates and real state is super expensive.
Down south you'll be able to get a massive house with some land, something you wouldn't be able to afford in the UK unless you were a true millionaire for example.
I'd definitely give it a go, particularly being the minimum stay just 2 years. That will go by so quickly with 3 kids. I've never had help with mine so I don't know what you are giving up but I'm sure it will be challenging.

OnsenBurner · 16/06/2023 13:19

Why would you even want to live there? And I speak as somebody who did live there as a teen and was a huge USA fan.

crap holiday entitlement like my dad used to get two weeks a year and he was really senior.

shooters

womens rights

race issues

crap food

healthcare system

It doesn’t quite offset the fact that you can get a mansion for nothing.

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 16/06/2023 13:36

Tryingtohelp12 · 16/06/2023 13:08

What makes you say that?! The other reason it feels a bit mad is we have never even been there !!!

Show quote history

American here...whoa, put the breaks on, OP!

Tennessee is a Red state in the American south and is likely to be a huge cultural shift for you. And while it's a lovely state, there are lots of rural areas and (if it were me) I'd need to know what the school system was like in the area I was considering.

My brother and his wife had to relocate there (from the East Coast) for his job some years back. They lived in a suburb of Nashville. They are quite wealthy so money was never an issue (no kids either). They never really fit in. People were very friendly but many social activities revolved around church and as they are not religious this wasn't an option for them.

I wouldn't even consider it without taking an extended trip and having a good look around the area.

IfYouDontAsk · 16/06/2023 13:42

I personally would never consider the US because it doesn’t appeal to me from a cultural perspective.

The thing that jumped out at me from your post is that you’re currently very close to extended family. I think that would be very hard to give up. Do you have a plan for what happens if one of you decides they want to stay there permanently but the other one wants to move back?

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 16/06/2023 13:45

To add to my above post...

I split my time between two homes, one in New England and one on Florida's gulf coast. I wouldn't fit in well in Tennessee; it would be too big of a cultural shift for me. Nashville is a vibrant, fun city to visit (and it is also quite expensive), horse country is just gorgeous, but just not a place I could live full time.

mybestchildismycat · 16/06/2023 13:49

We spent three years in the mdwest when our three DC were primary age and just had the best time. Amazing memories. Our kids were slightly older though so we were able to really make the most of it - loads of travel and I was able to study and work when the kids were in school. Like you we left our family support behind but it was manageble because we were coming out of the worst of the baby/toddler phase. The frequent flights back and forth from the UK were also not such a daunting prospect as they would have been with younger kids.

Based on my (admittedly very limited!) experience I would say you'd get more out of it if you wait a few years. But if its now or never, I'd go for it.

coxesorangepippin · 16/06/2023 13:51

I'd be there like a shot personally

coxesorangepippin · 16/06/2023 13:52

Try it for two years, if you hate it come back

RedRiverSun · 16/06/2023 13:54

You need to visit first. Memphis would be a hard no. It's one of the most dangerous cities in the US. Nashville I'd consider.

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 16/06/2023 13:57

coxesorangepippin · 16/06/2023 13:51

I'd be there like a shot personally

@coxesorangepippin As an American this really fascinates me! Would you not be concerned about (maybe) finding yourself a "fish out of water" in a culture that was alien to you? Or would you look at it as a learning experience/adventure? So interesting!

mondaytosunday · 16/06/2023 13:58

I'd jump at the opportunity! A lot of Tennessee is rural. But a friend lives there (who has a farm) and loves it.
You need to look at the schools carefully when deciding where (what neighbourhood) to live - when I lived there (Massachusetts) you went to your closest school without exception.
Being able to fly back a couple times a year and also maybe sone family visiting you and really this isn't an opportunity to miss!

WeAreTheHeroes · 16/06/2023 14:09

The business about holiday allowances always comes up on threads about the US. For managerial roles holiday allowance is akin to what many people will get here. The tax regime can be beneficial too. What places are like very much depends on what state they're in. A few years ago I found my preferred places were aligned with my political views😃

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 16/06/2023 14:20

A lot of Tennessee is rural

...and poor. The poverty rate in Tennessee is higher than the national average. This will impact schools and healthcare. Nashville is an exception, but expect a substantially higher cost of living.