Move to US is an option- am I mad?

[Tryingtohelp12]

We’ve had the opportunity to move to the US with my dh job. Are we mad to consider it?
I feel like we are stuck in a bit of a rut and in the future we will regret not taking more risks. we have 2 (about to be 3) children who would be aged 5,2 and newborn.
pros
great for long term career for dh
experience
change
increase standard of living in terms of salary

cons
young children being away from extended family
limit on my ‘career’ as I couldn’t work as we’d have no family support - I’m honestly not super passionate about work
reliant on husband/husbands job

Are we mad for considering it?

American education is not 'dumbed down', DS has been educated in Tennessee since 1st Grade and has managed to get himself into Oxbridge (having to clear a higher bar than UK students in the entrance exams).
Cicadas are not a reason to avoid Nashville, I've had ONE in my house the entire time I've lived here and maybe a couple of dead ones on the patio.
I wouldn't base major life decisions on the availability of a decent cup of tea and Tetleys is readily available in the local supermarket if needed!
Nashville traffic is not great but I lived in several major European cities and faced much worse.
Nowhere and nobody is perfect but you can have a fantastic quality of life in Tennessee and I've never regretted moving here.

you can choose to call it whatever you like but the US sport indeed is strange. American football and baseball are just like variations of Rugby and cricket and not many ppl other than Americans play them. Basketball is ok though.

As for your valuable suggestions abt the Budget airline destinations in america that’s still not the same deal as being able to visit the “real thing”. Besides that after a while most of the US starts to feel more or less the same.

As for best universities in america, well those are not necessarily indicative of general education standards in america. Even those highly ranked prestigious American universities are heavily delegated on brain drain from other countries.

Have you seen international enrollment at English universities lately? As well, in both England and America, international enrollment for undergraduates (and taught masters) has as much to do with money as talent and ability. The US could do better with encouraging students to stay in STEM, but this is also about terrible progression and not just talent.

Let's not forget how many NEETs the UK has -- we all focus on the high end, but that's not all there is. Both countries have quite some work to do on vocational and technical education to compare to the likes of Germany and Switzerland, which again have their own tradeoffs because of selective education.

I genuinely believe that my SN kids, especially the 2E one, are more likely to achieve full academic qualifications in the USA than they are in England, where too many kids still have to choose between an environment that can handle ASD and one that provides a full academic curriculum. One of my kids might have really thrived in the English system but I think the other two would not.

I don't see how you can say that the USA all "feels the same", like Arizona and Maine feel similar at all except they have the same fast food chains. Plus, you can go to other places in the Americas.

Yes American sports are often derived from British ones. But people play soccer here too. Rugby and cricket are heavily tilted towards ex-British colonies. There are other countries that play basketball and baseball and ice hockey. (Baseball is played in Japan, the Caribbean, Taiwan, Korea.) If you are somewhere with a lot of West Indian or South Asian immigrants they will play cricket.

In my area one of the most popular school sports is lacrosse which was invented by Native Americans in the St. Lawrence Valley.

(I certainly don't think the US is perfect, far from it, but there are some stereotypical complaints I just don't like.)

Most states look the same? Have you travelled in the US at all? I live I. California and can go from desert to mountain to beach to redwood forest, big city, wine country all without leaving my own state. There are some truly incredible things to see on the US and they are massively different. Clearly you hate living in the US which so your prerogative but you just sound ignorant and closed minded to say all the states look the same.

@britinnyc I had a few discussions about this with American relatives before I realised we were talking at cross purposes - they were talking about difference in terms of landscape differences, forests Vs mountains Vs beaches etc, but what I like about travel is cultural differences.

And of course there are some cultural differences between different bits of the US (there are cultural differences within any country) but different areas of the US are more similar than they are different to me. Of course it's subjective but as someone who has lived in both countries and travelled extensively in the US, I think I am entitled to an opinion.

Or to summarise: places can feel the same without looking the same.

You obviously know what i meant. I didn’t say ‘look the same’ i said “feel the same”. Devoid of any real soul.

Higher education especially for “international students” is a cash cow business in both countries. It really is not an indicator of the quality of education and standards. Leaving the elite universities aside, the general education standards are below par in the US.

I ve studied for a master’s degree in both UK and US (as well as prior education of in Germany), so i do ve some idea of what i am talking about.

From what I know about the US, there aren't many toddler groups etc. as maternity leave is short to non-existant, so you may find there isn't much to do as a mum to 2 small children. For me, I wouldn't want to move where 5 year olds are taught a shooter drill at school, where my DH had very little annual leave and taking a DC to A&E landed me with a $1,000 bill, but I guess that's the difference. Be clear what this is giving you / your family, not just your DH, that you wouldn't get staying in the UK.

My younger DS was 16 when we came to Maine. He had not done well in his GCSEs. He went into high school as a sophomore so did 3 years there and graduated, not spectacularly but well enough. I honestly feel the system here works far better for students like him than the UK system does.

It's not a misconception though is it? You may have a generous annual leave allowance but generally speaking that's not the norm in the US.

Ignore the poster who say women's healthcare is limited in Tennessee. My daughter is a doctor in TN and I lived there until a few months ago. Abortion itself is prohibited, but you would be treated swiftly, respectfully and expertly for any other care: miscarriages, ectopic pregnancy, etc. You can get Plan B, etc.

In skilled jobs leave is very liberal because otherwise the company could not attract top workers. My daughter is a doctor who gets unlimited paid time off for illness and 4 weeks off for vacation a year. My son is a cloud engineer for a large company and can get unlimited paid time off.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/business/pto-statistics/#:~:text=The%20average%20American%20worker%20gets,service%20increases%20to%2015%20days.&text=After%2010%20years%20of%20service%2C%20it%20rises%20again%20to%2017%20days.

This gives some objective evidence on paid time off in the US.

I have many American relatives in skilled jobs and none get as many paid days off as posters on here.

I mean it's an average so obviously there will be outliers but it's not a misconception to say that Americans in general get less time off work.

Just like some British people living in big houses doesn't make it untrue that, on average, British houses are smaller than American houses.

"Devoid of any real soul." What does that even mean?

The PTO situation is changing rapidly in the US, however, is it it's getting harder to hire and keep people. We just received notice last week that our accrual calculation is increasing. Plus we were notified that in addition to all the federal holidays, we will get the day after Thanksgiving as well.

personally I’d be up for the challenge! Especially if it’s only two years. You’ll never do it when the kids are in secondary.

id consider homeschooling though!

20 days annual leave is considered 'very liberal'

4 weeks would be considered very poor in the UK.

I get 33 days plus 8 bank holidays. Sick leave is a little more complicated but if I had a serious illness, I would have six months on full pay

I would say that yes, on average Americans get less time off, but there absolutely is a misconception that you'll only get 2 weeks. From a big-picture perspective the average is pulled down by people who don't get any. If you're being recruited to move here, you're not in that group. The fact that we're not guaranteed leave is appalling, absolutely. But from a personal decision level, it's irrelevant--someone in a highly skilled job is likely to get more. Some companies are more generous than others.

I really don't find the USA culturally homogeneous, except for a certain kind of urban middle class lifestyle that seems to exist in every metro area these days.

I'd still maintain that English educational standards are ahead for the kids who achieve in the first place. If you're a solid, hardworking academic student you'll do well in England, though the early specialisation is a down side in my opinion. For kids who don't fit that profile, the exam oriented system is not so nice.

Visit a few places in the US and try spending some time In each of them, you’ll quickly realise what that means.

@BlauVogel I've been living in the US for almost 30 years and have travelled reasonably widely in a lot of it, admittedly not new England and the Deep South. Of course there are plenty of soullessly industrial/commercial/could be anywhere bits, but you could surely say that of many places in the western world. The US is not only that, as you surely know.

"No soul" sounds suspiciously like when Europeans say Canada/America/Australia haven't got any history.