Parents don’t want me to go to Australia

[coco123456789]

My DH has been headhunted for an amazing job. But my family are very unsupportive. They think if we go we might not come back and that we should just get on with life here, settle for a ‘normal’ life as that’s good enough for everyone else. My husband is really ambitious and motivated by his job (hence him being sought out like this) but my parents view is that you just work to
support your family, shouldn’t let work be too important etc. I guess they have this luxury as they are baby boomers who could afford a great house without ever having to get too crazy at work. Am I being held back by them, or am I being selfish to leave them? I just don’t know. I have posted before about this as I am also worried I am being selfish in not letting my husband take his dream opportunity. His own parents are very supportive but they are far more contained, happy with each other and have loads of friends etc so they don’t need us so much.

Selfish to hold you back IMO.

Dont rub it in their faces but quietly get on with moving.

Its not like youre going to want to move there permanently. Climate change would put me off. Its far too hit and in the future will struggle with water supply. O.k. for a year or two.

I wouldn't be supportive of a move like that at all. But then, I know 3 couples where they moved for one of them to be the trailing spouse, the man had an affair (with someone from the new job, of course), they split and the woman was fucking stuck there because he didn't want to go back to the UK or let her remove the kids, sometimes having to fight for her right to stay and in danger of herself being removed and the kids left behind in Australia. Nope.

As usual, the supposition on MN is that all men are looking to have affairs!

You can't let your parents influence a decision which, ultimately, only you and dh can make.

It's not a supposition, I know people it happened to . I don't find it a good move to travel along in that respect in any case, FWIW. There was even a poster on here it happened to years ago. They had 4 kids. On the reverse, one of my friends is from NZ and had a child with a British man and had to stay in the UK due to this even though she was desperate to return to NZ. It's something to consider and rather foolish not to.

It's your life to live as you want without Fear, Obligation and Guilt(FOG)

My Adult DC emigrated to Oz 10years ago...same thing headhunted.
He has a fantastic life and career.

Unfortunately I will never make the trip to see them due to chronic ill health.

But I have never ever told them that they should not go. I wanted them to go and live their life to the full with no regrets.
My second DC is emigrating this year and although it will be hard to see them go...I am really excited for them.
You need to change your mindset about your parents...it's your life not theirs.... so get on and do it.

@coco123456789 I think if you don’t go you’ll regret it.
My dad was offered an amazing opportunity in NZ when I was a child, my mum wouldn’t go. Still regrets it!
Many years later two work colleagues & one of my husbands friends (different places/unrelated) emigrated to Australia and they have never looked back. (Nor had affairs?!?! - how bizarre!)

Of course your family are unsupportive, they love you. They don’t want you to go - sell the amazing holidays! You can always come back if you don’t like it xx

I would go. Whereabouts is the job. Do you have children. Are the company offering perks like schooling, accommodation, healthcare, flights home allowance for holidays and how long is his initial contract.

It’s your life to live, don’t let your parents hold you back. However some things to consider, is your work transferable? Do you have D.C.?

Things can and do go wrong especially withy the stress of an international move and no support around you. Believe me I know! Don’t get stuck not being able to work yourself, you’ll be very vulnerable if that happens.

My parents (for now) have good health, are retired and they are also well off so could easily afford to travel over. Our aim would be to go for 3 years. They would miss the grandkids I know.

You must both go !! It sounds an amazing opportunity, saying that my niece has been there for two years and now just wants home the bush fires are just so bad, she says the air quality is terrible, she just wants back to Scotland as she thinks that it will maybe like this every summer with global warming.

The job is very well paid. I’m not sure if I would want to work, I don’t work at the moment. Quite like being around for the kids and going for lunches and Pilates I’m afraid! But the company said they could get me a visa to work if I wanted to do something.

I worry that my mum was always so entwined with her own parents that when they died it left her a bit bereft. She never put my dad before her parents and so their relationship isn’t great. I fear that if I don’t support my husband in this dream I could end up on a similar path.

Forget your dp and dh for the moment - what do YOU want? Does the thought fill you with a resigned sinking feeling, or do you feel excited for the opportunity?

I wouldn't be supportive of a move like that at all.

But if two grown adults decide it's the right move for them and their family, why not? Ultimately the decision is nobody's business but theirs.

I think it could be fun. I am 40 and I don’t know where I want to be in 5 years time. I don’t yearn to move to the suburbs Or countryside like many of my friends (we’re in London). I can’t see my life ahead of you know what I mean. So if we didn’t go I wouldn’t think, oh goody we can stay here forever.

If you want to go then go for it!

But I would check just how good the salary is with the Aussie MNers. And ask lots of other questions too.

Two or is it 3 of the Mums in my book group now have DC who've emigrated (and I can name a few others around). It is really common, it's hard, but a supportive family would support you and do their best to keep in touch via Facetime etc.

You need to do what YOU want to do, it's your life and you only get one!

Spending 3 years in Australia is probably quite an alien concept for your parents as opportunities like that we're not so common when they were younger. Plus they would miss you all I'm sure. So no wonder they are against the idea!

Do you want to go?

Never mind even your husband. Has to be a joint decision.

I personally wouldn't go. Wild fires. Global warming. Blatant racism and sexism tolerated.

Coming from London, the isolation and utter boredom after a while cannot be underestimated.

You can't just hop on the train to Paris, everywhere is a long haul flight.

That would put me right off.

I'd go for it! Life's too short. If it doesn't work out, you will all just move back. Will you keep your house over here, or be selling up?

We would keep our house here. We would be in Melbourne so in probably the most ‘european’ of the cities and the weather is pretty English I think, definitely plenty of cold rainy days.

I personally wouldn't go. Wild fires. Global warming. Blatant racism and sexism tolerated.

Coming from London, the isolation and utter boredom after a while cannot be underestimated.

Couldn't be more different to my experience when I lived there. Honestly don't know how anyone can complain of boredom in Australia unless you're living in the middle of nowhere, in which case comparisons to London are ridiculous.

I have family in melbourne. They went for 1 year and are still there 18 years later and love it. If your dh company have a good package then your family can come and visit.

The last sentence of the OP was very telling..... talking about the ILs having lots of friends and things to do so 'they don't need us so much'.
Parents are guilt tripping you because their lives are too empty.

Bluetrews25 - you have it right