Parents don’t want me to go to Australia

[coco123456789]

My DH has been headhunted for an amazing job. But my family are very unsupportive. They think if we go we might not come back and that we should just get on with life here, settle for a ‘normal’ life as that’s good enough for everyone else. My husband is really ambitious and motivated by his job (hence him being sought out like this) but my parents view is that you just work to
support your family, shouldn’t let work be too important etc. I guess they have this luxury as they are baby boomers who could afford a great house without ever having to get too crazy at work. Am I being held back by them, or am I being selfish to leave them? I just don’t know. I have posted before about this as I am also worried I am being selfish in not letting my husband take his dream opportunity. His own parents are very supportive but they are far more contained, happy with each other and have loads of friends etc so they don’t need us so much.

Even I'd say go if it were my DD, and I'm very keen on having them within a couple of hours and moved to be closer to them.

Do what you want to do.

Melbourne is fabulous, very cosmopolitan and cultured, way more so than Sydney IMO. My parents were gutted to see us leave (US) but it was an golden opportunity, presented on a platter, for my DH and they adapted. But it was our decision on what was best for us as a couple and our kids. Nobody else was consulted!

Melbourne is fabulous, very cosmopolitan and cultured, way more so than Sydney IMO.

This. Love Melbourne and really miss it.

My kids are their only grandkids. So it is harder for them as it’s not like they have lots of family and friends

Me too Sakura, if only it wasn’t such a long hike, I’d be popping over all the time

So are my kids coco, still no reason not to go!

We moved abroad 9 years ago. No as far as Australia but far enough for it to be a couple of hours flight to visit us.
It was a good opportunity for my DH for his career.
The kids have more freedom.
At times it has been very hard. Don’t underestimate the strain on a marriage when all your usual support system is removed but I don’t regret it.
My parents visit a couple of times a year. ILs less soo. But they rarely visited when we lived 1.5 hours away so not a massive change.
I would say so what best for your family - you, DH, Kids. And if you move as they trailing spouse make connections and friends and find clubs for the kids so they have a routine.
Facebook group two fat expats is also good

Go for it.
Dont have regrets about an opportunity like this
Dont let your parents guilt trip you.
You dont need their permission

Thanks - my youngest is 1 so I am still at the stage where I can go to mum groups to meet people I guess. Always easier when you have young kids

It's their fault they don't have enough to occupy themselves without you. Perhaps it's time they started meeting new people and doing new things.
Do you think that they will just stay in and mope if you go?

Honestly, just go. Let your husband go for the dream job, it may be a wonderful opportunity that you will always regret if you/he doesn't take the chance. It may or may not work out, it won't be forever, life is too short.

Parents should never hold their children back...your parents may well miss you but you are an adult, they should be supportive and then butt out. My daughter went to Australia, I was pleased for her; she came back early but then went off to China..... It was her life, not for me to say what or where she should go to.

I would accept and go, you are not selfish, don't let your parents say otherwise.

Melbourne is still a lot hotter than UK in summer & warmer in winter
Find somewhere to live that has self contained bit - invite dp over to stay for a few months (send off to do - several- trips so you get respite & so do they )

I personally wouldn't go. Wild fires. Global warming

You really don't understand global warming do you? Your country doesn't have to be on fire/flooded to be affected. The economic effects of global warming will hit the UK, indeed no country will be immune to its effects.

Blatant racism and sexism tolerated.
Frankly silly generalisation about Australia. You could say the same about any country in the world and it would be just as daft.

Coming from London, the isolation and utter boredom after a while cannot be underestimated

The OP is going to Melbourne, not Woop Woop. And I moved form London to Melbourne so I know exactly what I'm talking about. It's great city, lots going on.

Give it a go, OP. It's a great opportunity. As for your parents, if they have the money and health they can come and visit you. It's your life. My late DH was headhunted too, and we never regretted the move.

Grasp this opportunity with both hands, if it doesn’t work out or you don’t settle then you can come home, life is for living ! Go for it.

My best friend went travelling to Australia, fast forward 5 years she has 2 babies and is getting married to a lovely Australian man she met. God I miss her but she’s living her best life.

Your parents live their lives as they choose. As you are free to do the same. Do they consult you about decisions they make between themselves? Your loyalty should be to your DH and DC, and the fact they are dissuading you is not selfless parenting. Their words demonstrate everything wrong about selfish ageing parents.
Go.

If you can picture a good life in Melbourne with your young family then go for it!!

Having apent a year in Australia I can certainly see why you might want to.

The only thing I think would be unreasonable would be expecting your parents to travel. If keeping a relationship between your dc and your dp is important, then I think that as you are the ones moving, you need to factor that in.

But otherwise I can't see anything wrong at all. (Bet you dont come back )

I think it sounds like you want to go and in your situation I absolutely would!

It's my long term goal to live abroad at some point, even if it's just like you've said you plan to do and go for a few years before returning.

Do please go, it is a great opportunity. You will probably be glad to come back in three years but the experience will have been worthwhile.
Put your house in the hands of a reputable letting agency who will take care of everything, vet tenants, see to repairs, etc, for a reasonable fee.

Your parents will get used to it, the time will pass quicker than they anticipate and they can come out and visit if they want, also you can holiday back home.

You’re not wrong for wanting to go.

Your family are not wrong for not wanting you to.

It’s rather lacking in empathy to criticise them for feeling this way, IMO.

You can make this decision without dismissing their valid and normal feelings as stemming from small-minded, empty lives (etc).

Do what’s best for you and your family. You may find you want to stay, you may not. How will you feel if you don’t seize this opportunity.

In your shoes, I’d go. With Skype and face-timing, it’s so much easier to keep in touch.

Your family are not wrong for not wanting you to

They are wrong for pressuring OP though.

I'd say go for it @CocoLoco87. Australia is an easy country to move to - no language to learn, similar culture. Thee are adjustments for sure, but three years isn't as long as it sounds.
1-6 months - settling in, everything is new
7-12 months - feeling like you're starting to really live there
13-24 months - actually living there
25-30 months - aware you're in your last year and looking at doing things for the last time (last Christmas there, last school year etc).
31-35 - winding down
36- you're there but rushed off your feet attending farewells and organising all the last things related to the move.

3 years isn't that long.

However, as you may notice I have some experience if this, and I would HIGHLY recommend that you do not disregard what the poster above said about relationships falling apart. You are so much more vulnerable abroad than in the UK. We buy medical insurance before we spend two weeks on holiday, just in case the worst happens. Your relationship sounds great, but you need to make sure you're protected as a non-working spouse. If your DH cares about you, he will want this for you too.

I also know people - women, ALWAYS women - who have been stuck in countries because they have kids and are living abroad. You know your rights in the UK. You know that if you were to divorce for any reason at all (not necessarily cheating!) sweat the likely outcome would be regarding where you live and the school your kids go to. That all completely changes abroad. For example, your right to bring your kids to spend Christmas in the UK with your parents is determined by your then ex. He has to sign papers agreeing to you leaving the country, the dates you'll be away and the country you'll be in. If he says no, you have to accept it, or go to court. There are MANY other examples. Think that if you're not working and we're to get divorced, how would you get a work permit if you didn't have one? What would your eligibility be if you were no longer married? You know the answer to that in the UK, but I'm betting you've no idea about Australia.

They seem like nothing to do with you now, and that's great, but nobody ever gets married thinking they'll divorce, yet it happens 50% of the time.

I'd advise you to make the move, but also to first visit an international family lawyer to get advice on your position and what you can do to make it either similar to the UK, or whatever you want it to be. This is a massive boost to DH's career, which helps benefit from with or without you, so there's no reason for you as his partner to be disadvantaged in any way.

And remember, when you get there and he gets up that first day (and many others) to go to the office, meets people and naturally makes connections, you'll be settling the kids and forging out your own social life - it won't be ready made for you like his is. So, you already start at a disadvantage. Don't put yourself at any more of one than that.

*sweat = that
*which helps benefit from = which he benefits from

Sorry for other typos!

I'm from a family where pretty much everyone moves abroad at some point, and their parents don't resent them but instead enjoy visiting them.

My brother and SIL moved to Melbourne at the age you are now. That was 11 years ago now - they are still there and love it. Their kids have grown up swimming constantly, bright, inquisitive, eager to travel, and lovely.

I have various other friends who've moved to Australia. All stayed even when the going occasionally got tough. None regret the move.

Think about what you want. It sounds like you'd like to try it for a while.

I emigrated 47 years ago, not to Australia but the U.S. I'm so glad I did. Melbourne sounds lovely and your parents will love visiting you there.

My parents were going to emigrate to Australia around 1963 but cancelled when one of their parents became ill. Around 1966 they were going to emigrate again, this time to Canada and again cancelled when another of their parents became ill. They finally gave up and stayed put in England but loved visiting me here.

If you don't do it now you never will.