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Living overseas

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Original poster

Is anyone else homesick?

92 replies

Ancienchateau · 26/11/2015 08:13

Does it ever go away? I live in a really nice place and I am extremely grateful for everything that is good in my life, blah blah, but for the last few days it's been a physical ache. It stops me from living my life fully when it is like this. Any advice or are there any fellow misery guts out there?

OP posts:
Laptopwieldingharpy · 26/11/2015 09:48

Not until i read these kind if posts Sad
I have become quite an expert at ignoring those feelings. It shocks me me sometimes how good i've become at it!

BankWadger · 26/11/2015 09:52

Not right now. Mine comes and goes. Seems to get worse every time it hits too Sad No idea what to suggest because I'm still looking for that answer!

Going home for visit just isn't possible either due to financial reasons.

goodiegoodieyumyum · 26/11/2015 09:56

Not sure if I am home sick, very sad ad my Dad's oartner of 30 years died on Saturday and her funeral was today and I can't be there for him. Also trying ti find a house in Germany as my DH has a new job, (which he has started) it would be so much easier being at home.

Potterwolfie · 26/11/2015 09:58

When we lived overseas I used to go through phases of extreme homesickness, the physical ache and longing is awful, isn't it? I felt ungrateful and selfish as I was having the most amazing adventure in our temporary country, but the feelings of loss were real. Silly things could set me off, like watching the Paddington movie (inconsolable for days!) or listening to the traffic news on Radio 2...bonkers.

The only thing I found useful was to just accept it, let it pass, talk to DH about it and keep busy. I don't think it ever goes away entirely. We're back home now and as happy as clams.

PotOfYoghurt · 26/11/2015 09:58

This time of year it always creeps up, and any anniversaries of deaths etc where I wish I could be with my family.

stolemyusername · 26/11/2015 10:04

How long have you been away now?

For me it's usually the simple things - I would love to pop in for a cuppa with my dad, I miss the frost (but not the snow) but other things get easier as time passes.

My mum died earlier this year and not being there was very hard but that's a very extreme example and I would miss her no matter where I am in the world.

Moln · 26/11/2015 10:11

Been almost 16 years and it still comes and goes.

Biggest thing would be the lack of 'history' in the country and people as my childhood and life as I developed into adulthood was done else where.

Original poster
Ancienchateau · 26/11/2015 10:25

Pleased I'm not alone but sorry for fellow sufferers. We've been here nearly 3 years.

I don't have any family so my friends are my thing and I miss them sooooo much. We are going back at Christmas for a week and I'm dreading it in a way as the pain of coming back is awful. I sound such a drip I know.

Potterwolfie, so pleased you are happy back home. Paddington has been banned in this house!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ancienchateau · 26/11/2015 10:28

Sorry for all the sad losses. And if I've upset you Laptopwieldingharpy. Just feel quite desperate sometimes.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 26/11/2015 10:38

I am also in Germany, the only way I cope with it is going home every 3 months or so to my London flat and seeing all my friends, I'm lucky I can do this, or I really would miss home if I couldn't.

f1fan2015 · 26/11/2015 11:27

I am not at the moment. Enjoying the thought of missing 17 hours of travel x 2 as I am having chemotherapy. I know come Christmas day and skyping with my mum, sister and DP's mum, that I will be soooo homesick. It will be our first Christmas not travelling back home in 6 years Shock

mrsmortis · 26/11/2015 15:52

The worst moment is putting your loved ones on a plane home and staying behind in a strange country.

It is easier now I have a family as I can give my daughters a hug. When I was living in the US on my own it was horrible.

Hydradela · 26/11/2015 17:15

20+ years and counting. I am desperate to go home Sad

Bebespain · 27/11/2015 11:04

Another one here Sad

I have been homesick pretty much since day 1 and it´s 9 years since I moved here. I have had better times but now I no longer have my Mum (she died in 2014 and there´s no other family) I just feel I have no reason to go back if that makes sense.

This time of year is particularly hard.

Ancientchateau - I can relate so much to what you say about the pain of coming back, it really is soul-destroying.

Bebespain · 27/11/2015 11:05

Oh, and no I´ve no advice, sorry

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 27/11/2015 11:27

I was going to say it wears off after about 5 or 6 years, but I see posts on here from people who have been away 20, so I suppose it is very subjective!

Our move was always going to be permanent (or as permanent as anything in life is, moved here pregnant with number two and committed to staying til the kids were through school) so we've never been in limbo (I suppose if you knew you were only in your current country for say 3-5 years you'd never really settle). Also we only go back once a year even though we are in Germany and theoretically could go more often - but as family are not anywhere near an airport or even a train station its much more expensive and time consuming to travel than it would be if they lived in London, Edinburgh or Manchester, and the obligation is to visit family if you visit the UK... I wonder if visiting "too" often and at the other extreme knowing you quite simply cannot visit even in an emergency (due to being so very far away) both exacerbate the homesickness issue.

I found it a rollorcoaster during the first 3 years I'd say, but even though I miss "living in English" and don't speak the language perfectly here I can't say I've been even remotely homesick for the last 3 years or so, and really not properly or intensely since about year 3.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/12/2015 17:31

Light at the end of the tunnel, maybe... I was really homesick for the first 8 years (in waves, not constantly). But a pretty shit trip home last Christmas and; the economy, terrible events in Paris and getting my citizenship here, I'm really appreciating Canada right now.

Moopsboopsmum · 04/12/2015 13:38

I am OP, have some Cake. The idea of our tenants sitting in front of our gorgeous fire enjoying Christmas. Argh. But I do appreciate being away from my nightmare family and PILS and all their drama!

ohjessie · 05/12/2015 07:10

I am back home for a visit right now and I am feeling sick about going back. I am so so torn, I just don't know what to do. I love my life in Canada, I have a great job and a DP over there. My first two years I was basically never homesick, I think it was the excitement and newness of it all. Now it's more like real life, and I just miss home terribly.
It's coming up to a point where I need to make a decision about whether or not to apply for permanent residency and I don't know what to do.
It's so hard :(

Original poster
Ancienchateau · 28/02/2016 16:59

Hello fellow homesickers!

Hope everyone is surviving. Thought I'd revive this thread to celebrate Hmm just passing the 3 year mark. Was back home recently and spent most of the time just dreading coming back.

Sadly, DS who I thought was quite happy has now announced how miserable he is. There have been many tears this week. Waaaaaaa.

OP posts:
Laptopwieldingharpy · 28/02/2016 22:00

Awwww
They feed off our emotions. This is your life here and now and you must try and project that. Unless this is very temporary and you have a specific short term plan to relocate, you must try and spin this positively.
I thing that helped us with every move is routine routine routine. Family rituals, weekend rituals, anything that is transposable everywhere regardless of the environment.
The second thing is relatinships. Find a strong social connection outside of work school to a "mentoring" group with long term expats and locals. That can ve a sports team, charity work etc....get busy and involved. People care for the same things the world over. You can be trully engaged wherever you are!
Take care!

Original poster
Ancienchateau · 29/02/2016 08:09

Thank you Laptop Smile I am doing ok just sadly 2 of my DC aren't, the eldest especially, and that is really hard.

OP posts:
Unhappyexpat · 29/02/2016 20:48

I've been here (Sweden) almost three years and I feel the same. I have a good standard of living, lovely house etc, wonderful husband, blah blah...

But I'm incredibly lonely. I'm struggling with the language, don't feel like I belong here at all and struggling to fit in.

I've moved around a lot and liked other places I've lived do it was a surprise to feel like this. I try to push it down and ignore it but it's difficult. I think dh feels guilty for be bring so unhappy but he is happy here and it's a good place to raise kids I suppose.

I try not to think about the future. If I do I just see a long , friendless lonely life stretching out ahead of me. I miss the uk so much.

LondonerinSingapore · 01/03/2016 05:56

I hear you OP (and others)...
We've been in Singapore a year and I don't think I've found my niche yet. I've changed from working to being a stay at home parent (and we've had a second child since we arrived) and whilst there are nice mums to have coffee or play dates with, no one I've really clicked with... I feel pretty lonely much of the time, and frustrated with so much about our new country.
I don't have any answers for anyone, just sympathy I suppose.

LondonerinSingapore · 01/03/2016 05:57

And yes Ancienchateau my eldest (primary age) frequently says she wants to go home (despite being seemingly happy much of the time).... And I don't know what to do about that either.