Is anyone else homesick?

[Ancienchateau]

Does it ever go away? I live in a really nice place and I am extremely grateful for everything that is good in my life, blah blah, but for the last few days it's been a physical ache. It stops me from living my life fully when it is like this. Any advice or are there any fellow misery guts out there?

[Ancienchateau]

No its not hudyerwheesht and I hope your DH is ok now. It is a sh1t situation having no one to call on in a moment. I have mild panics when I think what would I do if such and such happened here. Thankfully my eldest 2 are teens but it's still not nice.

[hudyerwheesht]

Yeah he's fine now, thank you, but like you I worry about something like that happening again.

I've been told more than once that it sounds more like a general loneliness at having such a lack of friends/family here but it's more than that; I still have gut-wrenching pangs to go home.

Actually I'm due to go home for Easter, first time back in over a year and a half (which I realise is probably a bit of a novelty to those further afield).

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

Not a good day today...just want to be back home

[Havaianas]

Hi all, fellow homesickers 😥
Sorry you're having a rough time degustibusno
hudyerwheesht I can identify with so much of what you've written!
Another Scot here in the US but in the process of making plans to return this year 🙏
I also cried over Crazycatladys description above. I don't know when I last felt the "real me"
The language may be shared here but the culture differences are so vast I may as well be on Mars. I find people superficial and flaky. Super polite and friendly enough but no one wants to scratch below the surface. I flung myself into life here and I normally make friends relatively easily but I've stopped trying now.
DH and DS are happy enough. DH would stay in a heartbeat. DS is still young enough to be pliable either way.
As said above, it's that feeling of isolation with it just being the 3 of us here, no family, no other support, it's so unnerving. I'm also concious of the gulf between DS and cousins/grannies etc widening and I want him to have that family bond.
Lots of other stuff I can't deal with here too... the guns, the faux religious spouting, the $$$$ health"care", sugary crappy (expensive) food, everyone medicating themselves to death.

Yes, the sun shines, yes there are world class restaurants on our doorstep, yes the houses and cars are bigger but.....but....but....its just not home. 😔
This is a great thread, good to find somewhere to offload. Can we keep it up as a place to rant?
Hugs to all that need them

[Ancienchateau]

Hello Havaianas

I thought I was doing okay recently and then I went to a meeting this evening at my DS's school about a school trip to UK (wah!). The teacher was talking through the programme and when she got to the last day to be spent in London and having fish and chips I felt my eyes fill up. Thankfully the lights were off as she was showing slides

[Havaianas]

Oh Ancientchateu it's always those kind of moments that get me too!
Is your DS getting to go on the trip to the UK?

[Ancienchateau]

Yes he's going. Funny isn't it given that he's English!!

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

Oh Havaianas, I so relate to the stopped trying now bit

I find summer helps a great deal - winter usually sends me into a spiral of wine and choc!

[Blackberry81]

Hello, I have just found your thread and it is such a relief to realise plenty of other people are struggling too. Family back in the Uk seem to think we are living the perfect dream, sun and cheap wine, lovely house, kids becoming bilingual. I mentioned last year that I wanted to move back to UK and they were all like, oh its such a shame. I do feel guilty that I want to go home, am I being selfish to my family? the kids 4, 3 and 1 are happy, the first two at school. But having been here for 6 years work is so tough and my partner has now been back in the Uk for a month working. I am really struggling with the language, was nearly in tears in my French class a couple of weeks ago because I just can't get it, I can get by but I can't chat how will I help the kids with their homework? I've never been one for lots of friends and now I worry that the kids are growing up without their family I've finally realised how important roots are. I don't feel comfortable here, people are friendly but at a distance, in the Uk I loved many things but here I just have my garden to potter around in. I want to be going to National Trust properties, LEGOLAND, banger car racing, pubs, walks etc. If we move back to the UK we will have to rent somewhere which will sit sorely with my partner, he said last year if I wanted to move back he would do, which was a total shock as I know he prefers it here, so there's the guilt of making him leave as well. Fed up with going round and round in circles for a year thinking shall we or shouldn't we. I have no possibility of work here. Apologies for length of post, the silly thing is, we're not even very far from Uk compared to most of you, but financially its difficult for us to just pop back.

[Ancienchateau]

Blackberry 81, I think we are in the same country. You have my sympathy Are you in the countryside? I ask because even though it was me that started this thread, I have found moving to a city 8 months ago has really improved our lives. People are much more friendly here. There is much more to do, work etc. 're the language, I found having DC at school meant my french took off quickly. I have expat friends who have lived here for years who can speak fluently but can't read or write well. I'm the opposite because I had to help my DC with their homework. Thankfully the speech is catching up now as people actually want to speak to me here (spent 2.5 years in rural hell and barely spoke to anyone).

[Havaianas]

Hi Blackberry I can relate to a lot of what you said, especially the guilt at dragging the family back bit. My DH feels it just now, due to the fact that moving here was his dream. The situation will be reversed when we return, I'll be the one feeling guilty then. It's so hard. I feel so envious of friends in my home town that have never lived anywhere else and their lovely, simple lives. They spend their time telling me how jealous they are of our exotic life in the sun!

Ancienchateau glad to hear you've turned a bit of a corner after your move. I can understand how the city could be a very different experience. It's nice to hear you're finding people to chat to.
Could you see yourself settling eventually now?

I had a rough day yesterday, two bits of bad news from home. Feel so useless and too far away to offer any help at all.
The time difference makes it all the harder too.
By the time I've done all the running around during my day and finally sit down for a minute, I'd love to have a chat and a catch up but it's 3am in the uk 😔

[Blackberry81]

Thanks for your support Havaianas and Ancienchateau, I really appreciate it. We are rural but just 15 mins from a lovely University City, moving there is not an option however. I think actually the only reason I am staying here in France is that I love our house so much and know the kids will never live anywhere like it back in the UK. But are bricks and mortar enough? We actually went back to the UK for a family party in March, first time for 2 years since then our older 2 children have asked when are we going back to the party, when are they seeing their cousins again etc I was hoping that being back there in March with rubbish weather would make me realise what a lovely life we have here, unfortunately it has had the opposite effect, I finally got to meet up with old school friends from 2 decades ago and it was like we'd never been apart. Don't want to be a misery guts, I know there are people far worse off, but can't seem to shake myself together.
I'm really pleased to hear that things are improving for you Ancienchateau.
When are you moving back Havaianas?

[Ancienchateau]

I totally understand Blackberry81. Friends look at me in horror back home when I describe my life here and say I still want to go back. Bricks and mortar, nice weather, all a bit bleurgh in the grand scheme of things, in my opinion.

Havaianas, I don't think I'll ever settle here. I'm just trying my hardest as we are here now indefinitely (wah!) and I might as well try and make it as good as possible. Unfortunately my eldest (14) is pretty miserable and that worries me a lot .

[Blackberry81]

Oh I'm sorry about your eldest, that really doesn't make things any easier for you.

[Havaianas]

Ancienchateau Fourteen is a really tricky age, my niece is the same age, hormones all over the place, happy as Larry one day, doom and gloom the next. It's hard to know what they really want at that age.
I know what you mean about being positive and trying to make the best of it, I did that for a long time.
Our DS is 7 and although his age means a lot of stuff just goes over his head, I'm sure he will feel the impact of moving more than I've realised.
We are hoping to be leaving at the end of summer Blackberry but it may end up just being me & DS initially 😔 It's a bit complicated because we have business ties here that just can't be left.
I'm just focussing on getting DS back and settled before new school starts.
I'm full of excitement and dread in equal measures. I'm scared DH will take over my role as the miserable unsettled one.

[Ancienchateau]

That's true Havaianas. It must be pretty horrible having no friends though. It was my friends that got me through those years, and beyond.

How wonderful to be going home in the summer! Extrememy envious. Please keep us updated so that we can enjoy it vicariously

[Havaianas]

👋 Just came across this old thread and wondered if any of you are still around and where you’ve found yourself four years down the line