Is anyone else homesick?

[Ancienchateau]

Does it ever go away? I live in a really nice place and I am extremely grateful for everything that is good in my life, blah blah, but for the last few days it's been a physical ache. It stops me from living my life fully when it is like this. Any advice or are there any fellow misery guts out there?

[jpgirl]

Yes. Bizarrely, we are actually moving home this year yet I think I am more homesick now than I think I have ever been. And Ancien I completely agree with your first post - it is crippling, absolutely paralysing. I'm wishing the days away and wasting hours on airline websites.

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

Just back from visiting family in Oz and absolutely devastated to be back I've been in the UK for 9 years now, and never meant to stay this long. Unfortunately we need around £6K to sort out my UK citizenship and DH's spouse visa for OZ which in any case will take a long time got come through. We can't afford to even get the ball rolling and I feel so hopeless and scared my depression will get really bad again

[Humphriescushion]

I am a bit homesick. I was fine for many years but miss home now. I try to go back from time to time but its never long enough.

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

I've been wanting to get back for 3 years now, but circumstances have meant it hasn't yet happened as it would be very foolish indeed to leave the UK without first gaining citizenship.
I've been crying on and off ever since the plane took off

[Ancienchateau]

Tea and sympathy all round although it's also nice not to be alone.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem, that is so sad. Can't your family back home do anything to help (financially?) to get you back there? My mood levels have been very unstable since moving here. I have to try very hard to shoo away that black dog.

jpgirl, I hope the days speed by quickly for you until your happy return.

LondonerinSingapore, my DC seemed okay too, until they told me otherwise (bad mother award). It is good your DD is talking to you I think, better than keeping it to themselves

[gottachangethename1]

I lived abroad for 3 years and spent most of that time in tears! I would gaze up at airplanes taking off from the nearby airport and imagine they were going to London and wish I was on them. I longed to walk through English supermarkets and would yearn to hear a London accent. Been back over a decade and despite our standard of living going down, I don't regret being back for a moment.

[crazycatladyonthecorner]

I'm 6 years into my sentence here and I have tried every trick in the book to stop the constant ache.
Going back, not going back, trying to live the life here as a native, trying to live the life here as a foreigner....
I don't feel anymore of a connection after 6 years than from the first 6 months.
All the BIG things are in place. the lovely house, kids great school, secure employment. That should all equate a happy life, right?
I feel like a terrible mother and wife for wanting to throw it all away and take our chances back in the UK. But I would leave with just the clothes on my back, today if I could.
I miss being me, the real me, not the me I am here.
I have spent so much time on Rightmove fantasizing about the life we would have back home.
I haven't been back for a couple of years, it doesn't help though.
It is sooooo hard to try and put a positive spin on things for the kids sake.

Shuffling off despondently to make a cup of tea

[Ancienchateau]

I'm so with you crazycatladyonthecorner I know exactly what you mean. Everything is the same for me except the DC' s schools here are not great. Academic and free but otherwise awful. gottachangethename1 I used to gaze longingly up at the planes in our old house in the countryside and I get quite giddy in Waitrose/other supermarkets back home, especially on a Sunday! Pleased you are back safe and sound, and happy. Being an expat can make you re-evaluate your life - we wouldn't have our beautiful home or be as well off in the UK, but I really don't care about those things.

[LondonerinSingapore]

Crazycat- that's exactly it isn't it- the real 'me'... You've summed up exactly what I feel too. Adjusting to being a stay at home
parent, the 'ex-pat' lifestyle which I'm by turns envious of (helpers, brunches, long lunches...) and a bit bored by. That SO wasn't my life in London. But God I'd love the help and lady who lunches lifestyle occasionally!
I realised too that it is hard to make friends as a grown up. My closest back home are from school and university (far more than 10years ago now).... And I miss the easiness of long term friendship. You just have to try so hard, it's exhausting.

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

Thanks Ancienchateau

We're trying to think of ways to get it done, but in the meantime at least summer is around the corner...

[crazycatladyonthecorner]

Just came across this post in _Chat
Is living in the UK really rubbish, or actually quite nice?
Worth a look.

[HerRoyalNotness]

I've been away from home 20yrs

The main thing for me now is that I have DC and they are missing out on being with their cousins and holiday img at the beach all together and getting to know my cousins and family etc. There is something about home that is familiar, you feel at ease when you land. Although last time I went back I didn't use the 'eftpos' only lane in the supermarket because I couldn't remember what that meant

Right now we've been in our latest location just over 2 years and it has without doubt been the shittest 2 years of my life. We're trying our best to make things better but the universe is not cooperating. I think I'm sick of the moving and the expat business and want to stay somewhere. No clue where, but I fear through lack of ability to direct our lives (H very company orientated), we will get stuck where we are now

[allegretto]

Another homesick one here! 20 years for me and I never intended on living here, dont like my flat, schools or city so feel a bit of a mug sometimes for still being here.

[crazycatladyonthecorner]

I am so tired of the What ifs
What if: we stay but change x, y & z?
What if: we move to a bigger/smaller town?
What if: we go back to the UK more often?
What if: we don't go back to the UK as much?
I am running out ran out years ago but still sadly clinging on to some hope of What ifs.....

[sayatidaknama]

Me too crazycatladyonthecorner I feel absolutely exhausted by it all. If I had the energy I'd run away!

HerRoyalNotness there is nothing more demoralising than being a trailing spouse. I hate it.

[sayatidaknama]

I've got two names - am the OP ancienchateau as well. Will try and stick to that one in future!

[DeloresDeSyn]

I am about to leave the UK for Australia for a year (initially) with DH job. Can I ask you all what it is that makes the pull for 'home' so great?

We are really excited to be going and have wanted to try it for a long time, We are a really close family unit (4 kids), and don't actually have any close friends in the UK that we socialise with for various reasons. However, we are near to my parents and SILs, and will miss them.

Those of you who say life has all the elements to be good, what is missing? Or is it something you can't quantify?

Will I just not know until I get there?

Do you think we'll have an idea after a year whether a life there is for us?

We don't have anything to lose as we can come back after a year without anything changing, but we were hoping it would be a more permanent move and I guess I'm a bit worried reading through your posts!

[Ancienchateau]

DeloresDeSyn don't be alarmed. This thread represents only a tiny percentage of overseas dwellers on mn. Most expats love their life abroad.

For some of us it is just harder. There are all manner of reasons, many personal, many we can all agree on. For me the things that make life difficult where I live are not being able to work (properly), language, schooling, the social and cultural differences and missing my friends. This just magnifies all the frustrating things about living here x100.

Moving to a country where you all speak the language is sooo much easier just for starters.

[DeloresDeSyn]

Thanks ancient, that's reassuring, I guess I'm worried about missing my parents but I know they would hate us not to stay for that reason.

Good luck to you all

[allegretto]

A lot depends on the language too. I speak Italian fluently but it is (and always will be) obvious that I am not Italian. I find that as I get older I am just fed up of being foreigner - it is hard work and I just don't have the energy for it anymore!

[Ancienchateau]

Same here allegretto. I speak the lingo but I just prefer speaking English. I seem to be constantly thinking "I just can't be arsed" these days. I wonder if it's my age?!

[crazycatladyonthecorner]

I agree allegretto & Ancienchateau I am fed up being a foreigner. No matter how long I am here I will never sound or be a native so I will be answering the same questions for the rest of my life about when and why I moved here.
I agree about the language too. I lived in the States for a while and found it so much easier not having to conquer a language. It took me a long time to master the language here and I still prefer speaking english.
Having the chance to move somewhere for a year without a major commitment sounds fantastic DeloresDeSyn. Go for it, enjoy it and don't think too much about liking or not liking it, just enjoy it.
All the little things here are starting to really get to me, or maybe they have always annoyed me and I have just been better at ignoring them!!!!

[SmallBearMumma]

I am glad I am not the only one who spends hours longingly browsing Rightmove crazy. I moved abroad in March last year and promptly became pregnant which made me hate it even more than I did when we arrived. Spent the next 6 months the missing home, using a vpn to watch the iplayer and travelling home. Currently living with my Parents as I couldn't face having a baby in China and dreading having to go back next month.

[Pikablu]

Ive been away abroad for coming up to 6 years and for the most part i dont get homesick, i find skype is the reason for this as i can call home at any point! But when i do get a bit homesick is usually once we have come back from a trip home or when i have missed a big event.
We will eventually go back home at some point but right now we are still enjoying ourselves out here and so are not in a rush to go back home to live.

[tomatodizzy]

I think there must be something wrong with me. I do miss my mum and friends but not achingly so. I think it helps that DH's family is close by and I love my work/friends I have here. I have a childhood friend who is doing diplomatic work here and she's desperately homesick, her move is temporary though, when DH did contact work abroad I did get homesick because the places we lived could never really be home, so our heart's were always elsewhere.