Is anyone else homesick?

[Ancienchateau]

Does it ever go away? I live in a really nice place and I am extremely grateful for everything that is good in my life, blah blah, but for the last few days it's been a physical ache. It stops me from living my life fully when it is like this. Any advice or are there any fellow misery guts out there?

[Havaianas]

👋 Just came across this old thread and wondered if any of you are still around and where you’ve found yourself four years down the line

[Ancienchateau]

That's true Havaianas. It must be pretty horrible having no friends though. It was my friends that got me through those years, and beyond.

How wonderful to be going home in the summer! Extrememy envious. Please keep us updated so that we can enjoy it vicariously

[Havaianas]

Ancienchateau Fourteen is a really tricky age, my niece is the same age, hormones all over the place, happy as Larry one day, doom and gloom the next. It's hard to know what they really want at that age.
I know what you mean about being positive and trying to make the best of it, I did that for a long time.
Our DS is 7 and although his age means a lot of stuff just goes over his head, I'm sure he will feel the impact of moving more than I've realised.
We are hoping to be leaving at the end of summer Blackberry but it may end up just being me & DS initially 😔 It's a bit complicated because we have business ties here that just can't be left.
I'm just focussing on getting DS back and settled before new school starts.
I'm full of excitement and dread in equal measures. I'm scared DH will take over my role as the miserable unsettled one.

[Blackberry81]

Oh I'm sorry about your eldest, that really doesn't make things any easier for you.

[Ancienchateau]

I totally understand Blackberry81. Friends look at me in horror back home when I describe my life here and say I still want to go back. Bricks and mortar, nice weather, all a bit bleurgh in the grand scheme of things, in my opinion.

Havaianas, I don't think I'll ever settle here. I'm just trying my hardest as we are here now indefinitely (wah!) and I might as well try and make it as good as possible. Unfortunately my eldest (14) is pretty miserable and that worries me a lot .

[Blackberry81]

Thanks for your support Havaianas and Ancienchateau, I really appreciate it. We are rural but just 15 mins from a lovely University City, moving there is not an option however. I think actually the only reason I am staying here in France is that I love our house so much and know the kids will never live anywhere like it back in the UK. But are bricks and mortar enough? We actually went back to the UK for a family party in March, first time for 2 years since then our older 2 children have asked when are we going back to the party, when are they seeing their cousins again etc I was hoping that being back there in March with rubbish weather would make me realise what a lovely life we have here, unfortunately it has had the opposite effect, I finally got to meet up with old school friends from 2 decades ago and it was like we'd never been apart. Don't want to be a misery guts, I know there are people far worse off, but can't seem to shake myself together.
I'm really pleased to hear that things are improving for you Ancienchateau.
When are you moving back Havaianas?

[Havaianas]

Hi Blackberry I can relate to a lot of what you said, especially the guilt at dragging the family back bit. My DH feels it just now, due to the fact that moving here was his dream. The situation will be reversed when we return, I'll be the one feeling guilty then. It's so hard. I feel so envious of friends in my home town that have never lived anywhere else and their lovely, simple lives. They spend their time telling me how jealous they are of our exotic life in the sun!

Ancienchateau glad to hear you've turned a bit of a corner after your move. I can understand how the city could be a very different experience. It's nice to hear you're finding people to chat to.
Could you see yourself settling eventually now?

I had a rough day yesterday, two bits of bad news from home. Feel so useless and too far away to offer any help at all.
The time difference makes it all the harder too.
By the time I've done all the running around during my day and finally sit down for a minute, I'd love to have a chat and a catch up but it's 3am in the uk 😔

[Ancienchateau]

Blackberry 81, I think we are in the same country. You have my sympathy Are you in the countryside? I ask because even though it was me that started this thread, I have found moving to a city 8 months ago has really improved our lives. People are much more friendly here. There is much more to do, work etc. 're the language, I found having DC at school meant my french took off quickly. I have expat friends who have lived here for years who can speak fluently but can't read or write well. I'm the opposite because I had to help my DC with their homework. Thankfully the speech is catching up now as people actually want to speak to me here (spent 2.5 years in rural hell and barely spoke to anyone).

[Blackberry81]

Hello, I have just found your thread and it is such a relief to realise plenty of other people are struggling too. Family back in the Uk seem to think we are living the perfect dream, sun and cheap wine, lovely house, kids becoming bilingual. I mentioned last year that I wanted to move back to UK and they were all like, oh its such a shame. I do feel guilty that I want to go home, am I being selfish to my family? the kids 4, 3 and 1 are happy, the first two at school. But having been here for 6 years work is so tough and my partner has now been back in the Uk for a month working. I am really struggling with the language, was nearly in tears in my French class a couple of weeks ago because I just can't get it, I can get by but I can't chat how will I help the kids with their homework? I've never been one for lots of friends and now I worry that the kids are growing up without their family I've finally realised how important roots are. I don't feel comfortable here, people are friendly but at a distance, in the Uk I loved many things but here I just have my garden to potter around in. I want to be going to National Trust properties, LEGOLAND, banger car racing, pubs, walks etc. If we move back to the UK we will have to rent somewhere which will sit sorely with my partner, he said last year if I wanted to move back he would do, which was a total shock as I know he prefers it here, so there's the guilt of making him leave as well. Fed up with going round and round in circles for a year thinking shall we or shouldn't we. I have no possibility of work here. Apologies for length of post, the silly thing is, we're not even very far from Uk compared to most of you, but financially its difficult for us to just pop back.

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

Oh Havaianas, I so relate to the stopped trying now bit

I find summer helps a great deal - winter usually sends me into a spiral of wine and choc!

[Ancienchateau]

Yes he's going. Funny isn't it given that he's English!!

[Havaianas]

Oh Ancientchateu it's always those kind of moments that get me too!
Is your DS getting to go on the trip to the UK?

[Ancienchateau]

Hello Havaianas

I thought I was doing okay recently and then I went to a meeting this evening at my DS's school about a school trip to UK (wah!). The teacher was talking through the programme and when she got to the last day to be spent in London and having fish and chips I felt my eyes fill up. Thankfully the lights were off as she was showing slides

[Havaianas]

Hi all, fellow homesickers 😥
Sorry you're having a rough time degustibusno
hudyerwheesht I can identify with so much of what you've written!
Another Scot here in the US but in the process of making plans to return this year 🙏
I also cried over Crazycatladys description above. I don't know when I last felt the "real me"
The language may be shared here but the culture differences are so vast I may as well be on Mars. I find people superficial and flaky. Super polite and friendly enough but no one wants to scratch below the surface. I flung myself into life here and I normally make friends relatively easily but I've stopped trying now.
DH and DS are happy enough. DH would stay in a heartbeat. DS is still young enough to be pliable either way.
As said above, it's that feeling of isolation with it just being the 3 of us here, no family, no other support, it's so unnerving. I'm also concious of the gulf between DS and cousins/grannies etc widening and I want him to have that family bond.
Lots of other stuff I can't deal with here too... the guns, the faux religious spouting, the $$$$ health"care", sugary crappy (expensive) food, everyone medicating themselves to death.

Yes, the sun shines, yes there are world class restaurants on our doorstep, yes the houses and cars are bigger but.....but....but....its just not home. 😔
This is a great thread, good to find somewhere to offload. Can we keep it up as a place to rant?
Hugs to all that need them

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

Not a good day today...just want to be back home

[hudyerwheesht]

Yeah he's fine now, thank you, but like you I worry about something like that happening again.

I've been told more than once that it sounds more like a general loneliness at having such a lack of friends/family here but it's more than that; I still have gut-wrenching pangs to go home.

Actually I'm due to go home for Easter, first time back in over a year and a half (which I realise is probably a bit of a novelty to those further afield).

[Ancienchateau]

No its not hudyerwheesht and I hope your DH is ok now. It is a sh1t situation having no one to call on in a moment. I have mild panics when I think what would I do if such and such happened here. Thankfully my eldest 2 are teens but it's still not nice.

[hudyerwheesht]

I know the feeling, Ancienchateau. Really makes you realise your situation, doesn't it?

My DH had to be taken to hospital to be checked over after a severe allergic reaction recently. I was worried sick as it was really quite scary and the DC were very upset and after he left I was just sitting in the empty kitchen realising I had no-one to call in and look after us in any way.

I just sat in my empty kitchen with a feeling lonely and sorry for myself!
I know I could have phoned someone - my DSIS for example - but it's not the same as having some actual company after having quite a scare.

[Ancienchateau]

Feeling very sorry for myself today. A virus has worked it's way through my DC and I haven't been "around" for 10 days and yet not one person has been in touch. Back home they'd be clucking around us with offers of help and just general niceness. Makes me very sad as after 3 years I obviously have no friends here.

Hope everyone else is surviving.

[hudyerwheesht]

I’ve just finally got around to reading TFT. So, so many things pp have said that I relate to. I feel their pain but I’m also relieved in a way that I’m not the only one feeling this way. I often feel like telling myself to get a grip because I’m over-reacting. Even my first post I was apologetic because I’m not actually abroad, as such. (although I might as well be, such is how it feels)

So it’s a comfort to know that others feel like they can’t be their real self, feel sad that their DC are not spending time with their own family, find it’s so HARD to make friends as an adult and cry at things like Paddington! And many other things I relate to all too well.

But I’ve always felt a bit like I was being over the top so this thread is a comfort and I’m so grateful to hear others’ stories and be able to share my own.

One of my biggest frustrations is that I feel like I can’t get DH to really appreciate what it’s like for me and how I feel like I’ve sacrificed living where I want to be for him. Sometimes it just hits me – I can never go home, it’s like I’ve been exiled.
A "trailing spouse" someone said – kind of feels a bit like that. It's all ok for him - his family are here, his secure full time job and second hobby-type job are here, his best friends known since school are all here. But what have I got here? Him, the DC but fuck all else.

[BoboChic]

I have been in England, unexpectedly, for several weeks. I miss my friends at home in Paris!

[BobbiPins]

I meant "tears are pouring down", that was a typo.

I am actually feeling better now, going to make a cup of tea.

to everyone in this situation

[BobbiPins]

Tear are poring down my face as I am reading this. crazycatlady I can relate so much to what you said about missing being real me and day dreaming about going back.

I think of people who have real hardships and I feel ungrateful and guilty for not being able to enjoy the comfortable life I have. Sometimes I am content and happy - but then something triggers a memory of home and the life I had there and it hits me how much I miss it, and I realise that I am only content because I forget how amazing my old life was...

Not having a social circle nor a sufficient income of my own will hopefully change in time if we stop moving every two years.

But the hardest thing is the thought that I may never have the lifestyle I love the most. I used to live in a centre of a beautiful and culturally rich city, one of those cities that people madly fall in love with and write songs about. I was in the centre of it all and I absolutely loved it. Cities like that simply don't exist where we are (we are in North America). Also, living in a city would mean apartment living and my husband would absolutely hate it. So even if we moved to a place I like, we'd have to either be in the surburbs (which I'd hate) or be in a flat (which DH would hate).

I don't have a solution right now other that I somehow make us wealthy so DH's place of work is no longer important and we can afford two live in a house in a most expensive part of a city so we both are happy.

[Ancienchateau]

"as much as I LOVE going back I also dread it aswell" this is how I feel bebespain DH said he might have to impose a ban on my trips home soon

[KeyserSophie]

keysersophie do yours also ask for a "real" holiday when you come back "home"?
Ie: a few days on a beach in thailand/phillipines to recover from that alien trip to Europe?

No- weirdly they find England, with it's petting zoos, garden centres and pebbly beaches extremely exotic and exciting . DS actually saw an elephant before he saw a horse so trips to see farm animals are particularly coveted.