Is anyone else homesick?

[Ancienchateau]

Does it ever go away? I live in a really nice place and I am extremely grateful for everything that is good in my life, blah blah, but for the last few days it's been a physical ache. It stops me from living my life fully when it is like this. Any advice or are there any fellow misery guts out there?

For me, harder than missing home is the fact that it moves on without you. I feel like I'll never fit in completely where I am, but I don't belong at home now either. I find it's that limbo that makes me sad.

& sympathy to all the other struggling expats

Don't apologise tomatodizzy Most of us who are not happy would love to not feel this way and to be content where we are.
Believe me I want to want to be here. It's not a concious thought I have every morning when I wake up to be homesick.
Even knowing we will only be here for a limited period would make things easier. Living here indefinitely or possible forever makes it hard when I don't click with a place.
I agree MedicineHat about life moving on without you. I have only lived back in the UK for a few years since the late 80's. I have no connections back there now, but I still think about growing old there and I still consider it home.

We're all different. It's always good to hear that people enjoy their life abroad. I would love to feel like that here.

I know what you mean about limbo too MedicineHat I worry that my DC in particular will never fit in anywhere

I really hate Sundays here. Everything is shut!

Just read you other post crazycatlady I thought you'd been out of the UK for a shorter time, but the late 80's! Wow

Your last concrete example of life in the UK, was probably so different to what it would be like if you went back now, no wonder you are feeling like you are. and

Language is a massive barrier. When I first came here I remember feeling awkward at social events and wishing I could just talk freely. I too found the USA easier in that respect but I was far more homesick there because I had no one but DH. I made friends but it was never the same and always felt fake. I get what you mean about not being able to be you.

How old are your children? Can you not go back to the UK by yourself for sometime?

I did leave a long time ago, and I loved it, didn't really think about where I would eventually settle.
This particular country has been hard, much harder than I thought. I actually believe if I liked the country more I would be less homesick. It is so exhausting and it makes me quite sad to think that I am so unsettled even after all these years
I have been back on my own tomatodizzy. I do enjoy it, but it is still just a visit.

DeloresDeSyn It's my family I miss the most - we are all very close. But it's also that ease of being I think someone else mentioned. On the upside, It's possible we might be able to move back in 2 years, fingers crossed!

Degust I know I will miss my parents terribly, they are just down the road and I can see them whenever I want. Even though I probably only properly 'visit' every two or three weeks, it's not being able to that I guess would be hard.

I'm really so excited to be going, I hope we can do it. The UK is truly not the place it was. I feel like it's almost all engulfed in suburbia (sorry to those who enjoy suburbia, it's not for me), I need some space!

Generally I'm not but occasionally it sweeps in and then there's no reasoning- so I know I have had a massively easier life here with 2 small children than I would have in the UK due to FT childcare, geographic concentration and zero commute to my massively flexible job, but when I go back to the UK I do envy my friends with houses with gardens, decent supermarkets, that early morning English countryside smell and no employees living in your house.

I had a real shock when we went back to the UK at Christmas. DS(5) was crying when I asked him what was wrong, he said he just really missed home, and I realised that to my DC, Hong Kong is home. It's not like they've absorbed my "Englishness" my osmosis.

My garden, English supermarkets.... sighs goes off to see what the helper has made for supper.

keysersophie do yours also ask for a "real" holiday when you come back "home"?
Ie: a few days on a beach in thailand/phillipines to recover from that alien trip to Europe?

Can I join if I'm not overseas? I'm Scottish but living in England and desperately homesick. I appreciate it's not nearly as bad as an actual foreign country but it is still very different to me and not necessarily more accessible (8+ hours' drive or 4 x plane fares which ends up ludicrously expensive).

I was happy to move to England 18 years ago but I always thought of it as temporary-ish. Then I met my English DH and was - at first - happy to stay and put down roots.
Since then the novelty has long since worn off. There are many reasons, one main one is that I suffer from quite a bit of social anxiety and am very aware of my accent. I didn't used to be but years of people commenting on it/making fun of it have made me self-conscious. It sounds trivial but when coupled with social anxiety it can feel horrendous trying to make conversation with anyone which is quite limiting.
One other main one is the effort of trying to raise my DC without any of my family or friends around for help or support. I don't really get on too well with the in-laws and have never made any close friends due to aforementioned social problems.

Mainly though I just miss home. So much it hurts sometimes. DH has come in and found me in floods of tears after watching something on TV set in my home city of Edinburgh. I do worry that I will come to resent DH for making it impossible to go back home. Not that he makes me stay or that he is responsible for our situation - I chose to move here and stay, after all - but I don't want some part of me to hold it against him, if that makes sense.

Hmm. I seem to have written quite a lot, whether I could join or not - think I needed to offload that.

I'm away 10 years I actually had a thread on chat around new year about this op. I miss my mum dad and brother mainly, on the smaller scale I miss asda and sainsburys and loads more British shops! I go home usually at least twice a year and every time I leave my heart breaks I cry like a baby and my dd age 6 is distraught at leaving her nan. When I was there recently she unpacked my suitcase every time I left the room! She cried all the way home and the next day asking me why we can't be near my mum she misses her so much. I love and dread my family coming here to visit too because all I can think if is how many days they have till they go home. I get a lump in my throat and the tears come and they don't stop I hate being like this especially in front of everyone. I take to my bed then and me and my little girl cry and have a cuddle. I can't afford to move back home now but if I could I would. I am worrying constantly about my parents as they age late sixties and early seventies now and although they are healthy thank god time is moving in and it scares me, it is something I think of daily. I have a reasonable nice life here but my heart aches fir home and family, as my dd said she wants to live near nanny so she can call in every day! I would love to pop in for chats like I did back then I have no family here or any real friends so I feel very lonely. I often miss out on family occasions too like a birthday party recently I felt so sad I couldn't be there. Sorry for rambling op it is hard and some days are definitely harder than others.

I would love to pop in for chats like I did back then I have no family here or any real friends so I feel very lonely. I often miss out on family occasions too like a birthday party recently I felt so sad I couldn't be there.

That's not rambling, Kissme - I could have written that myself and it makes perfect sense.

I could cry when people casually mention popping in to their mum's/friend's for a cup of tea and a chat.

Aww hudyerwheesht I'm taking comfort you feel the same it's always the little things isn't it.

hudyerwheesht, you are very welcome. This not a private club, just a moaning shop for the homesick

Kissmelittleass, I know exactly what you mean. Ramble away, not that you are in my opinion. This is the place. Sorry it's so hard for everyone on here

Thanks OP and kissme - good to have a vent about it with others who feel the same sorts of things.

Hello everyone,

I too am almost 10 years in but would go home tomorrow if I could. I have just come back from a long weekend in England and it was fabulous, although I have to admit that as much as I LOVE going back I also dread it aswell as I know I´ll be back here in a flash. My best friend is currently going through a bad time and I hate being away from her and wish I could just pop round to see that she´s OK.

My three children were all born here and so to them it´s their home and the only home they have ever known and I kind of feel a bit sad about that too. The older they get, I know the chances of us going back to England become slimmer with each passing year.

Thinking of everybody that´s in the same boat

keysersophie do yours also ask for a "real" holiday when you come back "home"?
Ie: a few days on a beach in thailand/phillipines to recover from that alien trip to Europe?

No- weirdly they find England, with it's petting zoos, garden centres and pebbly beaches extremely exotic and exciting . DS actually saw an elephant before he saw a horse so trips to see farm animals are particularly coveted.

"as much as I LOVE going back I also dread it aswell" this is how I feel bebespain DH said he might have to impose a ban on my trips home soon

Tear are poring down my face as I am reading this. crazycatlady I can relate so much to what you said about missing being real me and day dreaming about going back.

I think of people who have real hardships and I feel ungrateful and guilty for not being able to enjoy the comfortable life I have. Sometimes I am content and happy - but then something triggers a memory of home and the life I had there and it hits me how much I miss it, and I realise that I am only content because I forget how amazing my old life was...

Not having a social circle nor a sufficient income of my own will hopefully change in time if we stop moving every two years.

But the hardest thing is the thought that I may never have the lifestyle I love the most. I used to live in a centre of a beautiful and culturally rich city, one of those cities that people madly fall in love with and write songs about. I was in the centre of it all and I absolutely loved it. Cities like that simply don't exist where we are (we are in North America). Also, living in a city would mean apartment living and my husband would absolutely hate it. So even if we moved to a place I like, we'd have to either be in the surburbs (which I'd hate) or be in a flat (which DH would hate).

I don't have a solution right now other that I somehow make us wealthy so DH's place of work is no longer important and we can afford two live in a house in a most expensive part of a city so we both are happy.

I meant "tears are pouring down", that was a typo.

I am actually feeling better now, going to make a cup of tea.

to everyone in this situation

I have been in England, unexpectedly, for several weeks. I miss my friends at home in Paris!

I’ve just finally got around to reading TFT. So, so many things pp have said that I relate to. I feel their pain but I’m also relieved in a way that I’m not the only one feeling this way. I often feel like telling myself to get a grip because I’m over-reacting. Even my first post I was apologetic because I’m not actually abroad, as such. (although I might as well be, such is how it feels)

So it’s a comfort to know that others feel like they can’t be their real self, feel sad that their DC are not spending time with their own family, find it’s so HARD to make friends as an adult and cry at things like Paddington! And many other things I relate to all too well.

But I’ve always felt a bit like I was being over the top so this thread is a comfort and I’m so grateful to hear others’ stories and be able to share my own.

One of my biggest frustrations is that I feel like I can’t get DH to really appreciate what it’s like for me and how I feel like I’ve sacrificed living where I want to be for him. Sometimes it just hits me – I can never go home, it’s like I’ve been exiled.
A "trailing spouse" someone said – kind of feels a bit like that. It's all ok for him - his family are here, his secure full time job and second hobby-type job are here, his best friends known since school are all here. But what have I got here? Him, the DC but fuck all else.

Feeling very sorry for myself today. A virus has worked it's way through my DC and I haven't been "around" for 10 days and yet not one person has been in touch. Back home they'd be clucking around us with offers of help and just general niceness. Makes me very sad as after 3 years I obviously have no friends here.

Hope everyone else is surviving.

I know the feeling, Ancienchateau. Really makes you realise your situation, doesn't it?

My DH had to be taken to hospital to be checked over after a severe allergic reaction recently. I was worried sick as it was really quite scary and the DC were very upset and after he left I was just sitting in the empty kitchen realising I had no-one to call in and look after us in any way.

I just sat in my empty kitchen with a feeling lonely and sorry for myself!
I know I could have phoned someone - my DSIS for example - but it's not the same as having some actual company after having quite a scare.