Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

Hi @Fhortu
Very sorry to hear about your Mum.
This is an excellent idea for a thread. And is very pertinent timing, as my Dad has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer.

Thanks, and I'm so sorry about your dad, Elizabeth. How are you and the rest of your family handling it all? Have the doctors given you any idea about what to expect from treatment?

My mum has just started chemo. She was already very scared and down, and is now feeling ill on top of that. It's so difficult to watch someone you love going through this and not to be able to fix it for them.

Thanks @Fhortu
We’re so so at the moment. Trying to keep positive for my Dad, and my Mum.

No concrete info at the moment re treatment. We should hopefully get that at the next appointment early next week.

Sorry to hear your Mum is feeling ill. Totally agree about feeling helpless. That’s the rubbish bit isn’t it.

@Fhortu I just wanted to pop in and say you're exactly where I was a year ago. I was utterly terrified and had no idea what to expect and I wish I'd seen (or thought to start) a thread like this then. Please feel free to PM me at any time if there's anything specific you'd like to know

Elizabeth, I hope the appointment goes well. Yes, the feeling of helplessness is awful.

margotsdevil Thank you, that's so kind and I might take you up on it at some point. I hope you're doing OK now.

I have a step parent with stage IV vowel cancer. It’s a very new diagnosis and we are all rather distraught and worried. They have just started Chemo

Can I join in? My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of months ago and is still going through a barrage of tests but no treatment yet. I feel really helpless as I live 3 hours away and she's always been the sort to not ask for help as she doesn't want to both anyone, but I know she's having problems. Also her DH has dementia which adds to the stress. I just feel a bit useless.

This thread is exactly what I need, thank you @Fhortu. I had been looking through the Still the Storm thread and the general cancer thread, as well as the elderly parents board, but none really seemed the right place.
My elderly mother has got breast cancer - so far so good in terms of the cancer treatment but she is also extremely frail (while refusing to admit it) which brings its own issues…

TryingAndFailing39
It sounds like you're at the same stage as us. It's frightening how fast normal life goes out of the window, isn't it?

MeDearNoDear
Of course you can join. I'm so sorry about your mum. And her husband having dementia must make it so much more difficult as I presume she can't really rely on him for support and you're so far away. It must be very tough.

LarkRize
Good that your mum's treatment is going okay so far. Are you nearby? Is she managing to eat normally?

@Fhortu she is eating very well so far - there is a good chance it has been caught early and all whipped out which would mean no further treatment. I am not that close - about 2 hours away - but can get up as need be. She has very good local support thankfully which makes all the difference.
Has your mother had treatment yet? What is the plan?

@TryingAndFailing39, how is your step parent coping with chemo? Initially my mother said she would refuse it but I am not sure where she is mentally at the moment - it is not yet something we have had to consider properly but I think it would knock her for six…

Sorry @Fhortu, I see that your mother has started chemo - that is the big dread with my mother, just hoping she can avoid that, fingers crossed…

That all sounds pretty hopeful, LarkRize. Fingers crossed that they've got it all.

Yes, she's on her first lot of chemo. It's the kind that shouldn't make hair fall out (which I'm pathetically relieved about, as that would make it even more real), but she's still feeling very ill and barely eating.

Joining in please. Dm has brain tumour & was given maybe 3 months at the start of June & no treatment, nothing would help. As a very supportive family we're really struggling this last week with waiting for carers & equipment.

Parents didn't tell us she'd fallen 2-3 times & even with 3 people it's a mission as her mobility is minimal now but we don't want her bedridden yet. Eyesight going & no energy. It's like a runaway train atm

buckeejit, I'm really sorry, that all sounds so difficult.

Thank you for starting this thread. I have been looking for one too. Both parents have cancer. DM is stage 4 and things have been very difficult lately. I will write more soon - I'm just too tired to explain it all. DF is early stages. Sending lots of strength and positivity to all of you.

Just checked back in and have seen all the new posts.
Sending love and hugs to everyone.

Hand hold everyone going through this, my family is too.

Sending hugs and positive thoughts to you all - such difficult times and so much uncertainty, which makes everything ten times worse.
Thanks again @Fhortu, it is actually really helpful to know there are others going through such similar experiences and to have a safe place to let some of the worries out…

Hi. I'm joining the thread. DF was diagnosed with cancer 4 months ago. Had to have surgery but has been very ill since then in and out of hospital numerous times. Probably starting chemotherapy at dome stage soon if well enough. It can't be cured but hopefully can be controlled.
Its been the worst few months of my life so far and I will never be the same person I was before this. Coming at the tail end of the pandemic has been awful as well. Made everything much harder as couldn't support them in hospital at all.

I hate the fact I get to join this thread, though really pleased it's here. DF diagnosed with stage 4 cancer nearly two years ago. Palliative treatment only. He's defied the odds to still be here. But Christ watching the impact of chemo on him is hard. He'd just retired and had so many plans, so much energy, so much life ahead of him.

These last two years have been very very hard. My resilience is destroyed. Every joyful moment is tinged with sadness. I get cross with my kids too easily. I resent people with healthy parents.

Hugs to all of you going through the same.

Lotsofpots I know what you mean about every joyful moment tinged with sadness. I feel I will never be completely happy again now we know he will not just recover from this completely. And my daughters missed so much this summer as I've not been able to do stuff with her as either working or caring. And grumpy!

I'm so sorry for everyone being here. My mum is currently end of life, nurses told us yesterday to expect the worst at any time. My sister and I haven't left her side for 24hours, dad is pottering around not quite sure what to do with himself. It's shit. Big hugs to everyone

Another reluctant but grateful person joining here. My wonderful dad has stage 4 bowel cancer. Currently having his first round of chemo and is feeling ok so far. Sending positive thoughts to everyone going through hard times

@Munchies123, thoughts specially with you - I remember my father being end of life, but nobody really telling us what to expect - a truly dreadful time…