Bad news today, feeling sick and teary.

[BonApp]

My dad might be ill. I don't want to go into details but some further tests will reveal things properly in the coming weeks.

He was in tears when he told me today. I live abroad so we were chatting over Skype. I am going home in a few weeks thankfully so don't need to rush back, but I do feel bad for living elsewhere. And in fact I posted recently about this being one of my fears (parents health declining whilst I am in a different country). My sibling lives abroad too, much further than me.

My head is racing with thoughts of the short/medium/long-term. I know it's futile to speculate or worry until we know what we're dealing with but I've felt sick all day.

This is my dad. My hero. He's driven me up the wall as he's got older but I love him so much. We were supposed to be planning his 70th birthday celebrations but now nothing looks certain.

I knew the time would come when my parents would become elderly or experience poor-health but I'm not ready yet. And my dad isn't either.

Not sure why I'm posting really.

@annoyed my mum also. At the not so good stage right now.

Thanks as ever jools. Hope your dad is happier at home.

grace so sorry to hear you've been through this and that annoyed and taupo you are currently living it.

So utterly utterly shite that so many people are affected. It almost feels like it's more people than don't who get the Big C and it's the minority who escape unscathed...

Thinking of you all, and hotpink too.

Hi, sorry I haven't been on to update, we brought our holiday forward so have been away for a week, my FIL has been visiting Dad every day for me in the nursing home. I know they have taken him off tablets and he's on patches now - going to visit later and I'm so ashamed to admit I'm scared of going Will catch up with the thread in between washing...... I hope to see some good news in there. Love to you all

hot I hope you are happy with what you see when you visit your dad. I know what you mean about being scared. I dread visiting as I don't know what state dad will be in. But on the other hand I can't settle until I've seen him
I took him out in the car today, I think he enjoyed it. Even a short journey tires him so much

@MyGuideJools bless him. My dad is very tired too. I love my dad so much, just the thought of losing him is breaking my heart. I'm constantly reminded of what's happening and the tears just start. My children ask why I am crying and I have to make something up or say it's because of my mum. I miss her so much too ☹️☹️

@MyGuideJools Glad your Dad is home x

Oh hot it's heartbreaking

"It's only hurts because we love them so much"💕

I know ❤️ sounds awful but glad I can talk to you all on here.... just sad we are all in this situation x

How's everyone doing? My stomach is constantly in knots. Dad's so so tired, I've been taking him out in the car but I think he's getting depressed. He seems very withdrawn, not like my lovely dad at all. It's so sad and i dont know what to do to help him.
I wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread. Hes Still waiting for oncology appointment.
hope everyone is OK today

It's horrible 🙁 I feel sick constantly. I can just see him laying there in the bed in his nursing home.... weak and not eating, he's totally bedbound now, doesn't even look like my big chunky dad now he's lost weight... I can start to see his cheekbones too. He's been asking for a beer.. he's wanting cold drinks all the time, I have to wait to see if he can drink alcohol (even though he won't drink more than 2 mouthfuls) as he's been changed onto a low dose fetanyl patch. He thinks I'm just being awkward and overly fussy though, which makes me sad, he could have anything in the world but I need to know it's safe.

Oh hot it's crap isn't it. Im sure they will let your dad have a few mouthfulls of beer, not much to ask is it?!
My dad has lost loads of weight. He tries so hard to eat but for some reason his mouth is so dry and he can't get rid of food in his mouth. Nobody seems to know why this is. I'm sure if this could be rectified it would make him a bit happier.

@MyGuideJools this is what's happening with dad, he's constantly thirsty. The nursing home have decided to freeze pineapple juice into ice lollies for him, apparently there's an enzyme in it that helps with it. Not tried yet but may be worth a try with your dad? X

Thanks hot will try that, I will try anything at the moment!

Hi all, sorry for being a bit quiet. I've still been thinking about you all and wishing you love even if I'm not posting. I'm struggling a bit tbh, in a weird quiet calm way, rather than panicky... Dad's appt is on Wednesday and we assume that's when the diagnosis will be revealed. Trying to stay distracted but being busy seems to make the time come around quicker. Kids went back to preschool/school today so that's been the main focus. Then I feel guilty for not thinking about dad. I hate thinking of him being scared/worried and that he feels bad for upsetting us.

Much love.

It's tough Bon I'm sure you're dad will find out on Wednesday. Is someone going to the appointment with him? I really hope the news isn't as bad as you fear
The waiting is an absolute nightmare.

Thinking of you @BonApp and praying for the best news possible.
I called to speak to the nursing home today, had a chat with a lovely nurse who says that Dad is not doing as well as they expected, sleeping lots and not really eating now. Got the impression it may be sooner rather than later ☹️ can't believe It's happening so soon after mum. Spent all day sorting his house bills out, cancelling utilities etc. Just feel so useless. X

Oh hot my heart goes out to you it really does. I'm dreading it all to be honest, it's like I'm watching someone else's dad, not my big strong funny dad

@BonApp will be thinking of you tomorrow x

Me too bon really hope it's good news ⚘⚘

jools are you still off work? I hope that's giving you a bit of space and that you've found a way to help your dad swallow/eat.

hotpink Your poor dad and poor you, so much to go through in such a short space of time. Sounds like you've been doing some very important and practical things, so not useless at all. How is your bump? You must be beginning to show and feel a bit of movement? I like to think the new little life inside you is nature's way of giving you some joy in amongst all the sadness. It is probably difficult to feel much joy right now, but it will come at some point.

My dad has lost weight over the past 3 months, but I think/hope it's the stress rather than a "symptom" as such. His taste has been off, he's been finding things bland and flavourless, so has stopped drinking (liked a wine/nightcap of an evening plus an ale or two watching the football) and I think stress/poor taste has put him off eating.

When I hugged him the other week, for the first time ever, he felt a bit frail. I could feel his shoulder bone at the top of his back. It shocked me and now I try not to think about it.

My stepmum will go with him tomorrow for the appointment and they will call/facetime once the kids are in bed. He's just messaged me saying "no sweat about tomorrow, it will be what it'll be. If it's bad news we'll just have to deal with it". I so want to believe that he's feeling that relaxed about it.

One of DH's old old pals lost his wife (late 30s) to a hit and run driver over the weekend, leaving two children under 7. So much sadness in the world. Life really is very precious.

Best wishes to you all, including the lurkers who may also be going through tough times.

Thanks again for your support. This thread has really helped.

Bon I'm still off work for a few more days. I've been spending a lot of time with dad, taking him out in the car. He doesn't want to do anything really but likes a change of scenery. It's really getting him down not being able to enjoy his food.
Thinking about you all

I'm sure he likes spending time with you jools.

I've worked from home today and told dad he can call me this afternoon instead if this evening. DH and the kids are out so just me here (and our random landlord who turns up to potter around in our garage/garden occasionally).

I'm so nervous.

My brother in Oz said he would be staying up late there to speak to dad this afternoon (tonight his time).

Bon, I hope you hear good news today and just know that we are here for a handhold when ever you need it. 🌸

Thanks. Still no call. I'm guessing this means it's not so good and they are getting their heads around things. Otherwise I reckon they would've called from the car on the way home to say nothing to worry about.

I want to text but figure they need their space and they'll call when ready.

bon stay strong. The waiting is agony. Just be there for them whatever the news.