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Original poster

Bad news today, feeling sick and teary.

585 replies

BonApp · 15/07/2017 18:15

My dad might be ill. I don't want to go into details but some further tests will reveal things properly in the coming weeks.

He was in tears when he told me today. I live abroad so we were chatting over Skype. I am going home in a few weeks thankfully so don't need to rush back, but I do feel bad for living elsewhere. And in fact I posted recently about this being one of my fears (parents health declining whilst I am in a different country). My sibling lives abroad too, much further than me.

My head is racing with thoughts of the short/medium/long-term. I know it's futile to speculate or worry until we know what we're dealing with but I've felt sick all day.

This is my dad. My hero. He's driven me up the wall as he's got older but I love him so much. We were supposed to be planning his 70th birthday celebrations but now nothing looks certain.

I knew the time would come when my parents would become elderly or experience poor-health but I'm not ready yet. And my dad isn't either.

Not sure why I'm posting really.

OP posts:
LavenderRains · 02/08/2017 22:57

Bon dad is in less pain thanks but the morphine made him awfully sick for 2 days which made him more weak! He looks awful bless him.
I can't believe that yet again we are waiting for results, it's like torture. I'm convinced it's bad news as they've cancelled his original clinic appointment and are having a MDT meeting before seeing him.
I don't know how he will cope really. They've told him the condition he has isn't curable anyway but if it's cancer too it's devastating.
I'm glad you were able to spend time with your dad. It must be so tough for you being in a different countryFlowers

Original poster
BonApp · 03/08/2017 19:29

That really sucks that meds to make him feel better end up making him feel sick. I really feel for you seeing your dad look so bad lavender and horrid that you've got The Wait. I sincerely hope the news is better than you expect.

I'm on my own here (DH and the kids stayed in the UK) then I go back again soon. I'm kind of enjoying the p&q and but it also feels like the stuff going at home is some weird dream.

I'm trying to be busy/productive, but difficult to be motivated when no one else is here especially when I'm a procrastinator by nature

OP posts:
EachandEveryone · 03/08/2017 19:45

Im in the same boat except my dad was the one living abroad and has come back and has stage 3 so we are doing what we can. I go hipone maybe twice a month my brother and sister take him out every day. It ucks. Hes refused treatment. Had abit of radiotherapy for the pain hated the morphine so is on a synthetic form which hes not a fan of either. He is eating and actually putting weight on. Its hard to look at him kniwing theyve only given him 3-6 months he looks so bloody well.

I feek for you all and im envious of your closeness.

Original poster
BonApp · 03/08/2017 19:59

Oh each, the thought of a prognosis scares me so much, so I'm sorry you're living "in" one. And being away is really hard. Good that your brother and sister can be close but still hard for you.

I'm glad your dad is looking well - the thought of deterioration is horrible, though as you say, must make it harder to understand it all if he doesn't look poorly.

Hugs all round.

OP posts:
LavenderRains · 03/08/2017 20:18

((Hugs)) for you all. I was just looking at a photo of my dad from April, literally weeks ago and he's lost so much weight since then. He looks like a frail old man nowSad

EachandEveryone · 03/08/2017 20:36

I know i saw the end of life care folder on the side it was empty. I guess for us we have the prognosis and i cant fault the consultant she didnt mince her words but it does help if you have an inkling and if podsible try to go with him. Its frustrating it takes so long but tbh looking back i think they get the results alot sooner than they say what they need is a plan of action before they speak to the family.

LavenderRains · 03/08/2017 20:52

I'm sure you are right each I'm sure they know the results. They've cancelled his appointment for this week and said they will be in touch after the MDT meeting.
It's a living hellAngry

EachandEveryone · 03/08/2017 21:05

My dad has always been so macho when he said he didnt want morphine hes going to "face it like a man" i wanted tomweep. It was his last birthday last week. What arw you supposed to say? I have to say he was much better once he got out of hospital after the initisl chest infection and biopsy. Once the district nurse was onboard and we coukd feed him properly he just peked up. Im dreading his detioration seeing him with a walking stick is bad enough.

LavenderRains · 03/08/2017 22:13

SadFlowers

Original poster
BonApp · 04/08/2017 22:09

When is the MDT lavender?

I too think you are right each in that they know what's wrong, the results just confirm it. I am bracing myself for this. So heartbreaking regarding your dad's birthday and his pride. I like to think love helps people through at times like this, but then again it makes it hurt all the more.

Wishing you well and I hope a comfy weekend is in store for the poorly dads...

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 04/08/2017 22:21

I just found your thread OP, and have just been where you are, it's horrible.
My mum died 7 weeks ago, and last Sunday I found out my lovely dad who has loved and protected me all my life has terminal cancer. Huge shock, not expected. I'm absolutely in pieces, just lost my mum and going to lose my dad too Sad I'm 33 and 17 weeks pregnant too,
Really hope your news is better than mine x Flowers

Original poster
BonApp · 04/08/2017 22:40

Oh hot you poor thing. I don't know how you even begin to cope with such hard horrible news.

And your pregnancy must feel a bit bittersweet Sad, though I hope it can also bring you some positivity and light in what must be a very dark time for you Flowers

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 04/08/2017 23:08

I don't know how to feel, quite numb at the moment but keep bursting into tears. I keep almost forgetting I'm pregnant, baby is due on mum's birthdayConfused
It's a horrible position to be in, we got bad news but that's not always the case, try and keep strong, easier said than done and keep talking, it really helps, i find it easier if I don't know people.
Dad moved into a nursing home today. He doesn't know his prognosis, just knows what he has. Everyone agrees it's best not to let him know the full extent - not sure if he'll cope just after losing mum x

EachandEveryone · 04/08/2017 23:09

Christ that's heartbreaking I hope you have support.

Is your mum still around Bon. Mine are divorced which adds another element to it all.

Hotpinkangel19 · 04/08/2017 23:13

I have my husband, who has been amazing. No brothers/sisters. Just me and dad left now.

Original poster
BonApp · 05/08/2017 08:24

hot keep crying, you have to let these things out. 17 weeks is early, but when that bump starts to really take shape I'm sure it will become more of a focus for you. Is your DH supportive? Mine is a bit lost with all this, he doesn't really know what to say or do which I get but I swear if he comes out with another cliché (just got to be strong etc) I'll punch him! Can you lean on friends too? And do you work?

each my parents are divorced too. I've told my mum about what's going on and she'd sounded really supportive and I genuinely thought, for once, that she wouldn't make it about her but unfortunately she proved me otherwise and has had a strop off. I now feel like she doesn't deserve to know anything about it. My usual strategy with her is to tell her as little as possible about stuff so she can't somehow throw it back at me, but with this it's hard. I definitely am someone to let it all out and I know she's not the right person do that with in this case. Since my brother and I have grown up, my parents have become more bitter about each other. I've understood more about my mum over the years (don't think she's full on narc, but definitely has tendencies) and she's hurt me a few times over various things. My dad has seen that (he's never really hurt me) and it's made him really dislike her. A whole other thread I guess.

OP posts:
LavenderRains · 05/08/2017 16:30

bon I think the MDT is next week and he has an appointment the week after. The waiting is awful, especially as he's so poorly already x

Original poster
BonApp · 05/08/2017 19:19

I hope you can keep busy and distracted (and sane) whilst waiting. And that they can do something for your dad in the meantime to keep him comfortable.

My dads appt came through - 23rd.

OP posts:
LavenderRains · 05/08/2017 21:35

Same with you bon Flowers

Original poster
BonApp · 07/08/2017 21:28

How you doing lavender? I've been thinking about you and your dad.

I spoke to my brother in Oz and he's very upbeat and positive about it. I on the other hand have been googling. I feel I need to be semi prepared. I'm ok about what I've read, just hoping it doesn't apply to dad. He will be the luckiest man alive if it doesn't though.

OP posts:
MyGuideJools · 07/08/2017 22:38

HI bon thanks for thinking about me.
I'm struggling tbh, just assuming the worst then talking myself into thinking he will be OK. Doesn't help that I've had 2 days aline as DH is away.
Dad isn't great either. He's been vomiting on and off since his surgery, nobody seems to know why. He's wasting away before my eyes Sad His appointment is 22nd

Original poster
BonApp · 08/08/2017 05:54

Oh no, sounds distressing for both you and your dad. Are you in touch with doctors/GP or anyone before the appointment? I hope there is someone you can be liasing with.

OP posts:
MyGuideJools · 08/08/2017 08:04

Yes, we have a nurse at the end of the phone well (9-4) & seeing gp
Hope you're holding out okFlowers

MyGuideJools · 08/08/2017 08:14

Sorry name change went a bit wrongWink

Hotpinkangel19 · 08/08/2017 08:17

@MyGuideJools how difficult for you. Thinking about you and @BonApp this morning. It's horrible we all have to go through this x