Bad news today, feeling sick and teary.

[BonApp]

My dad might be ill. I don't want to go into details but some further tests will reveal things properly in the coming weeks.

He was in tears when he told me today. I live abroad so we were chatting over Skype. I am going home in a few weeks thankfully so don't need to rush back, but I do feel bad for living elsewhere. And in fact I posted recently about this being one of my fears (parents health declining whilst I am in a different country). My sibling lives abroad too, much further than me.

My head is racing with thoughts of the short/medium/long-term. I know it's futile to speculate or worry until we know what we're dealing with but I've felt sick all day.

This is my dad. My hero. He's driven me up the wall as he's got older but I love him so much. We were supposed to be planning his 70th birthday celebrations but now nothing looks certain.

I knew the time would come when my parents would become elderly or experience poor-health but I'm not ready yet. And my dad isn't either.

Not sure why I'm posting really.

Thanks hotpink it is tough, I'm living in a state of worry at the moment, dreading the phone ringing. It's not fun this getting old lark!

My mother is also very bitter over the divorce and wants information all the time. Its very awkward but she has offered to give lifts which she didnt need to do i suppose.

My brother has him living with him. They were in the city i live in yesterdat it was a 200 round mile trip but my brother said it wasnt worth coming to see me as he couldnt do the stairs to my flat and they wouldnt beable to hang around as he gets tired.

Reading about Ronnie Wood refusing chemo for his lung cancer. One of my dads music heroes but of course Ronnie Wood is a multi millionaire so he was very fortunate to catch it before it got into his lymph nodes. Although when they first diagnosed my dad three months ago it wasnt in his lymph nodes or anywhere else either but by the time we had the meeting they said it probably was by then . Its such a bastard that its not found until its too late.

each on more than one occasion in the last few weeks I've wished my dad had private healthcare to speed things along. DM had breast cancer 18 years ago and had private cover at the time. She'd had a biopsy within a week of the lump being found, results 2 days later and the lumpectomy a week after that. So quick.

Though saying all that, I think my dad is half cursing the day he went to the GP about something totally unrelated, as that is what kicked this all off. He felt fine before (aside from a bit breathless) and now he's still a bit sore from his procedure and feels worse than he did, so a bit gutted to be looking like he'll be entering a world of scans, biopsies, tests, diagnoses, treatment etc.

@hotpinkangel19 how are you holding up?

I'm so so sorry you guys are in this sad shitty situation too but I really appreciate you all posting. It's really helping me, so thank you.

Well, dad is back in hospital via ambulance. Hopefully now we will get some answers before the appointment
My nerves are shot! It's 2 weeks since the biopsy, surely they must have results now?! Aaarrgh 😣

Sorry for the slow response, back in the UK now and it's been busy.

@myguidejools how are things today? Do you have any more news?

@hotpinkangel19 still thinking of you. How is your bump?)

Love to everyone else going through sad times with loved ones

His Bon how are things with you?
We finally got some answers although I wish we hadn't! Dad has cancer, and is stuck in hospital until he can get oxygen put in at home I'm totally devastated. I honestly don't think he's strong enough for chemo but we will see.
We wait again 😐. .......

Has he got lung? Do they know what stage? Bless him. Mine refused treatment and tbh he's doing alright. They gave him six months and we are coming up to four now. Are they optimistic it can be treated? Thoughts going to you all have a good as can be weekend with your dads xx

each it's mesothelioma. They've talked about chemo but not surgery. Tbh I don't think his body will cope with chemo, and can you even have chemo if youre on permanent oxygen?! He just looks dreadful, it's an awful disease

@myguidejools - oh no oh no oh no. This is what they 'strongly suspect' my dad has Such a shit shit bastard of a disease. I'm really sorry.

Dad reckons he could see the consultant this week to get results but he wants to see the surgeon who did the biopsy/drain so he can "hear it from the horse's mouth" in terms of what he actually saw in there. Typical him to not follow procedure!

I think he'll refuse treatment too. We'll see. The waiting is getting to me too now.

We head back abroad tomorrow, really mixed feelings about going. We all need to get back on with our life there but I feel so sad to leave my dad behind.

Oh Bon I'm so sorry, you're right it's bloody shit!! They couldn't find it on the ct scan or in the lung fluid, just from the biopsy and it was the actual surgeon who told us. I guess we were "lucky" as we found out 2 weeks early as dad is in hospital. The surgeon said he will be referred to oncology in 1-2 weeks and said he will need chemo. We were all a bit shell shocked to ask questions at the time.
I've stupidly Googled it and it's bleak reading. you must feel so anxious going back abroad, I took some 'kalms' tablets earlier as I was a wreck! I think they've helped.

Did your dads work with asbestos? Its a shitty disease my grandpa had it. Treatment has probably moved on since then. Fingers crossed x

Dad didn't work with asbestos but came across it doing his job. This was 50 years ago! Nobody did health and safety back then.
It's such a shit disease, dad is being so so brave but I can see he's worried sick about what's around the corner. I just wish they would hurry up with home oxygen so he can get home.
Hope you are all holding up tonight

jools I hope your dad gets home soon and that he'll be comfortable and relaxed there.

They could see that my dad had had asbestos exposure by the 'plaques' visible on the X-ray and ct scan. Plus other shadows. He still seems to think it could be as simple as a chest infection or damage from previous infections. But I also googled and I think it's unlikely to be anything else than mesothelioma. He won't google (understandably) but now I feel somehow wrong/guilty that I "know more" and that he is perhaps living in false hope or is a bit oblivious to how horrendous it could be. Or maybe he's trying to downplay it for us and does know. I don't know. Maybe it won't be the shitness I'm expecting. That fine line between hope and denial does my head in.

Dad worked in power stations in the 70s and 80s so it's expected he was exposed to it then. I think he did an apprenticeship as a plumber/engineer in the late 60s too so I think he was also exposed to it then as well.

Sorry about your grandpa each

So frustrating and saddening that it could've been avoided. I can't really let my mind go there. Being angry is totally pointless, won't change anything.

Right I'm rambling now. Love to you all. Hope this week brings comfort for you and your loved ones.

Night night all bon the surgeon told my dad to claim compensation as it's hardly ever denied as there is medical proof. Hardly compensation tho is it?! What's money going to do?

Yeah exactly, all the money in the world can't make it better.

I know it cant but they are bloody owed it they may want to leave jf to teir family. I think its a straightforward procedure tgese days i woukd why should they get away with it?

I'm sure my dad would want to go for it each but it's a relatively small amount (£17k) and not that a big amount would make it better but feels a bit of insult. He could die soon, he'll go, my kids won't remember him, my stepmum will fall apart, he might not get to see my brother get married or meet any children he may have. No amount of money will change that, or make up for it...

Dad is home from hospital. He's got home oxygen installed. We now wait for oncology appointments......I'm absolutely dreading what they will say, he's just so weak.
How are you doing Bon ? I've been to the GP and got signed off as I'm just not sleeping and am so emotional at the moment. It's like a living nightmare.

I'm glad your dad is home jools. I can't recall if you live with him or nearby and have much other support for him and you? Do you know when he'll see oncology?

Sorry to hear you've been signed off, though sounds like it's for the best... it is so draining probably good to take other pressures (i.e. Work) out of the equation, even if temporarily.

I feel exhausted mentally and nothings even definite yet. I'm glad I've told people at work but they are all asking how things are. I can talk about it now but think it'll be a different story after next Wednesday. I'm a bit worried about bursting into tears on thurs/fri and have busy jam-packed days so need to be there.

Thanks bon I don't live with dad but just a few minutes away. He's got mum but she's also getting frail. I just seem to be worrying about them constantly.....Work have been brilliant, thing is as soon as someone starts being nice I just cry!! & I know when I go back people will ask how dad is. I need to grow a tough skin somehow.
The surgeon said we should hear from oncology within 2 weeks.
I really hope your news is more positive

hotpink how are things with you?

Just want to send you all hugs. I went through similar to this with my dear dad a few years ago. I was 30 and pregnant with my first baby. There's not much I can say, but i want you to know you're all in my thoughts x

Hi all. So sorry to hear about all you're all going through. My dad is currently dying from a brain tumour. Is ok at the moment but that could change any time. Gutted for my mum. And for me. And for my daughter, who loves her grandaddy. Can't bear to talk about it and feel so alone xx

Many thanks Grace

annoyed that's so sad, so many people having such a shit time.