I'm not OK

[Willowkins]

My lovely DH was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer with mets in the liver and lungs last year. After 6 long months of chemo we have the scan and results this coming week. I have been holding it together all this time. The thing is I suddenly realise I am not OK. I know this sounds selfish and this shouldn't be about me but I feel so sad. I was listening to Run by Leona Lewis and I just burst into tears. Also, I've realised that I need everything to be perfect to feel safe but of course it's not perfect so I get really cross. I wanted to punch a man in his car earlier today. This is not OK is it?

That sounds pretty positive five. Hope you've had good news b y now.

squirrels, I went body boarding earlier this week. The surf was ok but a bit messy. But it's good fun and good exercise whatever. Might go again tomorrow.

Hello all. Any updates? Third round of chemo starts tomorrow...

Sorry I got that wrong this is the second round. Apparently a round is 12 lots of chemo not 6 - and he's having 12 this time not 6. I'm thinking of starting a 'Things I wish I'd known about cancer' thread.

Good luck with the chemo Willow, I wish I knew nothing about cancer and could go back to blissful ignorance .

Good luck willow

DH's lymphocyte top up has not worked so he will probably have another one in a month. But on the good side his blood counts are holding up and he feels fairly ok.

I am being made redundant.

Oh FuzzyCustard hugs. How are you feeling about it?

Cheers squirrels
Sad about everything. And so so tired.
How are you?

Glad he's got to the next stage.

It is so fucking sad isn't it. Just thinking back makes me want to cry.

I'm doing okay, in that I'm getting on with life, but a lot of it seems to be going through the motions, and everything is just less without John.

Not surprising that you are tired Fuzzy just waiting takes so much energy.

And here is a big hug for you squirrels.
Thanks for all your good wishes. Chemo went okay today and I'm watching out for steroid weirdness DH had last time. Might need to buy some more in preparation.

The waiting is the hardest bit

DH is home, with a leaking wound drain. I rang District Nurses to make sure he was on their list and they didn't even have a referral for them, grrr, but very kindly added him to their list and coming back tomorrow.

DC's are back at school, which is taking a bit of juggling while DH can't drive.

I have Bestival to look forward to this weekend, it's in our village and going with a friend in the evenings

Hi Five. Why is it that communication between different bits of NHS are so difficult? We had so many phone calls today to organise getting DH's chemo pump removed. It's not life-threatening but over time these things add up. I bought some posh gin today so I'm ready.

The communication bit has felt the most difficult to us in many ways. Dh's stem cell transplant was delayed because of a communication issue. We have been offered half and half care between the big regional hospital and the smaller one, but the risks just seem too great. We'd rather all the notes are kept in one place.