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Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

999 replies

biscuitsandbandages · 11/05/2014 07:15

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

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mumster79 · 12/05/2014 05:11

Hi Biscuits,

I've been following your story - and wishing you all the luck and health in the world! I'm in a different continent, but think of you often.

Mumsfret · 12/05/2014 08:04

Morning biscuits.

Sorry you were worrying late last night. Understandable. I guess it might feel like a difficult week lies ahead because of The Wait... There will no doubt be a lot of waiting for you on this particular journey. Best to stay present, rooted in the here and now, and let the future take care of itself. Take each day at a time. There's every reason to remain positive, or cautiously optimistic if you like. The doctors will guide you through when news is available; and - who knows - your safe feeling may not just be an illusion.

Hope today brings with it (even just a glimpse of) contentment, and maybe even some joy (from that gorgeous family!).

riskit4abiskit · 12/05/2014 08:57

Hello again biscuits. Dont give into the 3m 'what ifs' they are sly little buggers. Really rooting for you to be able to be treated at home.

Elibean · 12/05/2014 11:04

Hey, Biscuits Smile

Love the new thread title! Just caught up and am so struck by how much you've processed and adapted over the past four weeks. You've taken charge of your health, as you say, and established a 'new normal', and are steering your own ship for sure....good on you, lovely.

I think all big shocks do that night-time-surreal thing. Four weeks might feel long, but its really a very short time to adjust so those moments are bound to pop up I suppose...

Fab to see you're still writing your wonderful posts. Just in case you ever want a second career or get fed up with HCT Wink

Thinking of you every time I raid the biscuit tin, and quite often inbetween xxx

Elibean · 12/05/2014 11:05

HCP

duh

Swex · 12/05/2014 12:00

It's funny isn't it - the time before a big answer can be a double edged sword - you want to know the outcome, but before the definitive answer you can still pretend it's anything you want!

I am feeling very positive for you today. Hope neutrophil count continues to do good things

biscuitsandbandages · 12/05/2014 14:27

Sadly my brother is not a match.
But my neutrophils are rising, barometers getting low and im breaking out into song lyrics at an alarming rate!

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Mumsfret · 12/05/2014 15:05

Sorry to hear about your brother, biscuits, but plenty more fish in the sea where that's concerned. Am I right?

Great news about the neutrophils though! And you've got me singing now too!

According to all sources, home's the place to go-oooooooo...

Grin
YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 12/05/2014 15:39

Is it raining men yet, biscuits? Keep up the singing.

biscuitsandbandages · 12/05/2014 19:31

I'm hoping by Saturday morning it will be raining small boys in my bed at home!

Yes ethnically I am utterly boring and perfect candidate to find a match apparently which is good. I'm hoping they will call and find out soon as my sample was sent weeks ago but they have to actually call and find the answer and they don't see the point until they have the bone marrow result from this week. I see the point! I want to know!

But I've been pushy enough today and a few more days wont change the answer (it's not Schrödinger's cat) so I will wait.....

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Dumplings4ever · 12/05/2014 20:04

Loving the Schrödinger's cat analogy - but I'd have to open the box because I'd want to know the cat's fate!!!!!

Good Luck to you Biscuits - fingers and toes are crossed!!!!!

Smile Smile

Aethelfleda · 12/05/2014 21:46

Yay to good neutrophils! Hope you get a good night's rest and that the next few days finds you a stonking match.....

Spinaroo · 12/05/2014 22:59

Evening Biscuits- sorry to hear about your brother but everything crossed you find a suitable match soon.

It's looking good for Saturday, though. I love the thought of you getting home and you and the kids not being restricted to one area of a hospital within certain time restrictions. A sleep with your loved ones in your own bed will be just the thing to set you up for the next stage.

Sleep well xxx

biscuitsandbandages · 12/05/2014 23:42

Early night tonight. Big day tomorrow. Thy brought my bone marrow biopsy forward. Midday tomorrow.

I'm not scared of a gigantic bore hole in my hip bone... No not me...

.... Bring on the midazolam

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saffronwblue · 12/05/2014 23:56

Oh very good luck biscuits.

Mumsfret · 12/05/2014 23:58

Good luck biscuits. Thinking of you for tomorrow midday. Be brave.

biscuitsandbandages · 13/05/2014 00:00

Thank you.... It will be over soon... That's what I'm focusing on.

Just popped back as I realised its Tuesday in the morning (days get a bit blurred) so a great big GOOD LUCK to weebarra and will be thinking of you xx

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mumster79 · 13/05/2014 06:10

Good luck biscuits!

Panicmode1 · 13/05/2014 06:19

Good luck today Biscuits ( and weebarra). Will be thinking of you both.
Thanks

OverlookedConfection · 13/05/2014 06:26

Good luck for today biscuits. Will be thinking of you, and you too, Weebarra.

Mumsfret · 13/05/2014 06:51

Quite right; a big day for weebarra today too.

Both in our thoughts.

Spinaroo · 13/05/2014 07:05

Morning Biscuits!

Wow- what a momentous day for you! It's the next step- and we are right beside you as you take it!

You will be in my thoughts and prayers today as always. xxx

weebarra- adding you too! Know you probably won't be reading this today but, nevertheless, hope you can feel the goodwill and positive vibes sent your way xxx

BehindLockNumberNine · 13/05/2014 07:53

Biscuits, will be with you all the way today, bring on the midazolam indeed!!

Weebarra, all the best to you too.

Stay stale both of you!

Mama1980 · 13/05/2014 07:54

Thinking of you biscuits and webarra. X

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 13/05/2014 07:57

Thinking of you weebarra

Biscuits, hope it goes well today.