When to tell DC that Daddy is bisexual?

[Caracashiak]

I've always known DH is bisexual and it's not an issue for me. We're monogamous and committed for life. (Probably not something I need to point out here, but I'm always flabbergasted at the people who think that if you have a bisexual husband, you must have an open relationship 🙄)

I don't want it to be a secret from DC but I just can't seem to work out how to bring it up? DC are 3 and 1 and it's not like we discuss our sexual preferences or past relationships with them! The 3 year old knows that people can have 2 mummies or 2 daddies but that's as far as it goes.

I guess I also worry about them telling kids at school and getting teased for it (does this still happen?) Or them feeling worried that Daddy is about to go off with a man! I know that kids aren't very logical about it and I can understand how they might think it's a threat to their family unit.

What I also don't want is for it to be some kind of big reveal when they're teenagers or something and for it to feel like some family secret that is traumatic to have revealed to them. It's not a secret, all of our family and friends know about it and are fine with it (bar the religious great-grandparents who have been kept in the dark mostly for their own sakes!).

Help?

@ITonyah you have no way of knowing what they would think. It’s really weird that you’re saying that with such authority.

I would say that you dont need to announce his sexuality any more than a straight couple do but dont hide it either so when they are older they might ask about past relationships or an ex might crop up. So for example I remember going to a wedding with my mum and her ex-boyfriend was there. She told me that's who he was. I'd never heard of him before as he didnt need to be mentioned but it would be concealing something if she hadn't told me when she saw him.

I really wouldnt worry. This is unlikely to come up in conversation until they are teens and are more than capable of deciding what to do with the information.

I’m so glad you got deleted @rosiepony your comment was pure homophobia. And on a lgbt board, you should be ashamed.

@Hedgehogblues is absolute right: Talking about things I did when I was in relationships with my ex girlfriends isn't talking about my sex life saying “In college I dated a guy callled dave” is no more talking about sex than “in college I dated a girl called davina”

Hidden gem bisexuality and saying it’s irrelevant - what amazing lgbt friendly modelling. “It’s fine to do want you want darling as long as no one ever finds out”

Hiding not hidden gem

Honestly, if you are so sure it need to be discussed then just mention it when they are older teens.

A big announcement is all a bit Phillip S. -stunning and brave. Far better to just have age appropriate honest discussions and answers to their questions.

A huge proportion of teens seem to be at least Pan atm so I doubt they'll be in the least bit bothered, apart from the normal ick about their parents talking about sex.

We're just popping onto this thread to remind you of our Talk Guidelines - please bear them in mind when posting.

Sorry to interrupt, OP

Thanks @claramumsnet this thread is wall to wall offensive bi stereotypes and pissy ‘you’re an idiot to even post’ attitude.

I don’t think OP (who has disappeared) is an idiot to post but I do wonder why it’s an immediate concern with a one and three year old.

And yes, I know that she said a few posts in that it’s for when they’re older but I still think it’s odd to start a thread worrying about it while they’re babies.

I also don’t see why there needs to be a song and dance about it.

“Daddy, did you have a girlfriend before mummy?”

“I did. And I had a boyfriend before her.”

What’s the big deal?!

Op I think you just do in tbe same way you would your own dating history or if thry ask specifically about sexualoty - not necessarily yours but "I mschool were doing this, what does this mean" kinda thing. Well some people are straight, like Mama and are only attracted to the opposite sex, some people are attracted to both like Daddy, who had boyfriends and girlfriends before we got together. But he does need to be OK with DC then telling other people like friends

Why, just why would kids be interested and/or want to know?

Being bi sexual is about sex though isn’t it?! Am I missing something?

Yes, you’re missing the fact that orientation is about who you have the capacity to fall in love with. Plenty of gay/bi people are VIRGINS for god’s sake.

Why do posters insist on stamping their feet about how it’s not dirty or wrong or a fetish?

Plenty of posters have acted like the existence of gay/bi people is some outrageously filthy perverted things that children must be protected from knowing that gay people exist at all costs because being gay/bi is “about sex” and it’s totally inappropriate for children to know about sex. Some posters have explicitly compared being gay/bi to various kinds of sexual fetishes.

Interesting that you think people standing up for gay rights are “stamping their feet” but not the posters screeching and throwing “WON’T SOME THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!” tantrums to justify why gay/bi people should be invisible.

How on earth does that make you bisexual?

Being bisexual has nothing to do with who you have sex with.

You can be bisexual and be a virgin, or be bisexual and only ever had sex with one gender.

I don't talk about my sex life with my kids, no.
So your kids don’t know who their father is? You’ve never told them about any previous marriages or relationships? When they were teens and dating for the first time, you never shared any stories about when you were a teen and dating for the first time?

So your kids don’t know who their father is?

I think most children who have a dad living at home work this out without having it spelt out to them

I said share it with them when they are teens if it comes up if you want. Hopefully they won't be as confused as I am!

Isn't everybody anyway?

I think most children who have a dad living at home work this out without having it spelt out to them

Exactly. It’s pure homophobic double standard for people whose kids probably see their parents kissing and going into the same bedroom every night to turn around and start screeching that their kids have no idea that you are straight because it’s so awful and inappropriate to shove your “sexual preference” in their face.

If your kids are allowed to know that you’re married to a man, mine are allowed to know that I’m married to a woman.

Interesting that you think people standing up for gay rights are “stamping their feet” but not the posters screeching and throwing “WON’T SOME THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!” tantrums to justify why gay/bi people should be invisible.

Nice try. But I’m not bi-phobic. I don’t see how hyperbole helps the discussion, that’s all.

Huh, so I guess none of you straight people comment on people you are attracted to, or talk about your history? Wild

No. And not because I'm "straight". Just because im me. Most people don't talk to their children about "who they're attracted to" or about sexual history (which I assume you're alluding to). How fucking weird.

Unless daddy runs off with a man, I dont see the need to discuss it. No child wants to hear abou their parents sexuality.

Being bi sexual is about sex though isn’t it?! Am I missing something? is a woman only heterosexual after having sex with a man?

If your kids are allowed to know that you’re married to a man, mine are allowed to know that I’m married to a woman

Who has said they aren't

Some people are just massive drama queens.