When to tell DC that Daddy is bisexual?

[Caracashiak]

I've always known DH is bisexual and it's not an issue for me. We're monogamous and committed for life. (Probably not something I need to point out here, but I'm always flabbergasted at the people who think that if you have a bisexual husband, you must have an open relationship 🙄)

I don't want it to be a secret from DC but I just can't seem to work out how to bring it up? DC are 3 and 1 and it's not like we discuss our sexual preferences or past relationships with them! The 3 year old knows that people can have 2 mummies or 2 daddies but that's as far as it goes.

I guess I also worry about them telling kids at school and getting teased for it (does this still happen?) Or them feeling worried that Daddy is about to go off with a man! I know that kids aren't very logical about it and I can understand how they might think it's a threat to their family unit.

What I also don't want is for it to be some kind of big reveal when they're teenagers or something and for it to feel like some family secret that is traumatic to have revealed to them. It's not a secret, all of our family and friends know about it and are fine with it (bar the religious great-grandparents who have been kept in the dark mostly for their own sakes!).

Help?

Just if it came up in conversation when they're older as any other conversation.

@itonyah which part of you stay attracted to men and women do you not understand?

You don't have to act on every attraction for them to be relevant.

They don't need to know.

When your kids are old enough to date then he might bring up that he's dated men and women but that's as much as they need to know. Kids don't have a right to know their parents sexual history and I'm not sure that they should necessarily know.

Being bi sexual is about sex though isn’t it?! Am I missing something?

Eh?
This has to be the weirdest thread I've ever seen.
My kids are grown up and have no idea about my sexual preferences, wtf would I tell them? wtf would they want to know, just ew, no.

Your kids are 1 and 3. Get a grip.

Weird thread. Agree that you really don’t need to discuss your sexual preferences with your children. It’s completely irrelevant to their lives.

Why do posters insist on stamping their feet about how it’s not dirty or wrong or a fetish?

Who said it was??

I'm bi but have only been in LTR's with men. My dc know that men and women can love men or women and have always known that, so if I got into a LTR with a woman it wouldn't be a big deal. However, my personal sexual preferences and past sexual experiences are none of my dc's business! I wouldn't be doing a big 'announcement', that's for sure.

Why on earth would you need to burden you children with their dads sexual preferences? Bizarre. Unless you think he's going to leave you for a relationship with a male.

I don't talk about my sex life with my kids,

Talking about things I did when I was in relationships with my ex girlfriends isn't talking about my sex life but ok.

Being bisexual is about sex tho?

As much as being gay is about sex. It's not just about who you have sex with, it's about who you love, feel attracted to etc

So yes and no it's just about sex. If her husband never has sex with another person, he would still be bisexual.

I can't believe I'm having to explain this on a LGBT parents group.

No-ones trying to tell there toddler or any age children what they prefer in bed for fuck sake.

Being bisexual isn't a sex act. It's an orientation.

How do all these biphobic heterosexual people hide their own sexuality from their children? After all, unless they are huge hypocrits they will make sure their children never find out they are heterosexual because according to them it would be gross, innapropriate and TMI

Just when you’re talking about couples/people getting married you can say something like “Daddy wanted to get married when he was grown up but he didn’t know if be wanted to marry a man or a woman”.

Of course bisexuality is about sex! It's not a personality trait as someone said - nor is it a fetish (which no one said ). It's a sexuality.

I think I talked about my parents' previous boyfriends and girlfriends with them when I was in my 20s. When I'd left home and really and completely had come to terms with the fact that my parents had sex.

Would it be useful when a child comes out? Possibly? Although I think there is a lot less trauma for kids coming out today than there was

'bit more special than a boring old vanilla couple

ah! I see you now! It's not special, just different. I still now you're insecure because you think it's some 'special' sex thing people do that you're not cool enough for. They call it bisexuality but you think it's about being promiscuous.

I get it now.

but he feels its important to say he is attracted to men, they will be expecting him to have an affair with a man.

Don’t be so ridiculous! So being bi means you’re children will sit around waiting for you to cheat?

I think if young kids see him married to their mum, a woman, but he feels its important to say he is attracted to men, they will be expecting him to have an affair with a man.

That’s the exact prejudice I’m talking about in this thread, why would him being bi mean he’s going to an affair with a man?

I grew up knowing my parents are straight, they talked about celebrities they found attractive, same as my friends parents and my family, they didn’t hide that they were attracted to the opposite sex at all, so why should OP’s husband hide that he finds men attractive when we don’t expect heterosexual parents to do the same? There’s nothing dirty or shameful about being bisexual or gay, and there’s no need to keep it from children any more than heterosexual parents should hide their attractive to the opposite sex. Children grow up surrounded by heterosexuality in books, movies, tv programmes, adverts etc so people can’t use the excuse that children don’t know about sexual attraction, it’s nonsense.

I’m bi and the only time I can envision that being relevant to my DC is if they speak of being unsure in what their own sexuality is many years from now, or if they ask me about my first ever relationship which was with a classmate in my teenage years who was indeed female, otherwise it’s a non-issue surely? (Not saying sexuality is ever an issue but that it is in no way relevant to your DC if that makes sense?).

*attraction

Because why would you tell them unless you are planning to act on it? That's what they'll think.

I still now you're insecure because you think it's some 'special' sex thing people do that you're not cool enough for

Yes, yes that's absolutely right. I'm not cool enough to need to tell my kids about my sex life.

Because why would you tell them unless you are planning to act on it? That's what they'll think.

No, that’s what you think. My mum and dad told me about people they were attracted to and I didn’t think they were going to act upon it and have affairs. I know my MIL is attracted to numerous male celebrities and I don’t think she’s about to have an affair with them, why would it be different if they were female celebrities?

I'm bisexual, I have been in a relationship which DH for almost 10 years. I don't intend to sit DS down and tell him at any point because it feels a bit weird to do that. I intend to tell DS if he ever asks and I won't hide it from him if it somehow comes up in conversation. My sister is gay so he'll know about same sex relationships pretty early on.

@Navisprite I don't see it an issue per say. More I don't want to avoid mentioning it, if it comes up on conversation.

I don't want my children to assume hetrosexuality is the default and the norm.
Even if it looks like it on the surface, it's not in the default in their household.

I want them to be open-minded enough to consider that it might not always boy/girl. I hope by being open minded they'll be more considerate of other people and their lives/choices.

I'd like that part of me to remain open to them if they have questions etc when they're older.

I wouldn't consider sitting them down and coming 'out' because that I don't think is necessary.

However, I do think there's something to be said about the scales of bisexuality..iyswim.

I can understand if you've had one dalliance that was a long time ago why you wouldn't necessarily feel like it was something to be said?

If you've had more 50/50 gender relationships, then you might identify more strongly with 'queer' culture/history. You might have previous same sex relationships where there are step children etc. I feel that's where I would put myself. Its part of who I am, and I couldn't hide it.

@itonyah no-one else said it was 'cool' but you. I used your own words. Not everyone be subversive for the sake of it. Sometimes we are just different?