When to tell DC that Daddy is bisexual?

[Caracashiak]

I've always known DH is bisexual and it's not an issue for me. We're monogamous and committed for life. (Probably not something I need to point out here, but I'm always flabbergasted at the people who think that if you have a bisexual husband, you must have an open relationship 🙄)

I don't want it to be a secret from DC but I just can't seem to work out how to bring it up? DC are 3 and 1 and it's not like we discuss our sexual preferences or past relationships with them! The 3 year old knows that people can have 2 mummies or 2 daddies but that's as far as it goes.

I guess I also worry about them telling kids at school and getting teased for it (does this still happen?) Or them feeling worried that Daddy is about to go off with a man! I know that kids aren't very logical about it and I can understand how they might think it's a threat to their family unit.

What I also don't want is for it to be some kind of big reveal when they're teenagers or something and for it to feel like some family secret that is traumatic to have revealed to them. It's not a secret, all of our family and friends know about it and are fine with it (bar the religious great-grandparents who have been kept in the dark mostly for their own sakes!).

Help?

Are you suggesting my husband stay in the closet from his kids forever?

He isn't in the closet. He is in a relationship with a woman.

Are you suggesting my husband stay in the closet from his kids forever?

That would be taking lockdown a bit far.

I've never told my kids I'm straight. I've never told them about my sexual experiences full stop. Why on earth would you?

I can honestly say that at no point in my life have I wanted to receive any information regarding my parents sexual preferences. Ever.

Are you concerned hes going to go off with a man?

What abuse have you had here OP?

Honestly your kids are so not going to want to know anything about your sexual lives. Ever. Trust me.

Why on earth would you inflict this on them?

They don’t need to know. Fgs.

It's a bit 'modern parents' from viz isn't it?

Honestly your children will not be interested.

They don't need to know and I don't think they'd want to know. Why would you?

I don’t think you ever have to make a big announcement just make sure you never lie about it or mislead them. For example my DD has asked me about boyfriends I had before I met her dad so at that point you can tell them that their dad has had both boyfriends and girlfriends in the past. Just answer questions honestly and don’t make an issue of it and you’ll probably find the kids just accept it

I think you're projecting your own views of what it means to be bisexual on to your kids. Younger generations are very liberal and I suspect that, by time a 1 and 3yo got to say 10 and 13, they wouldn't bat an eyelid at discovering their dad is bisexual.

I do get what you mean that if you don't tell them it will be like you have kept something from them. But on the other hand, if you are in a monogamous 'for life' relationship then you don't actually need to ever tell them.

It would be akin to discussing what you like in bed, or how many people you have slept with, and most people really don't want to know those things about their parents anyway!

No one is being abusive, people have a different opinion to you and that’s ok

I think it may be just something that naturally comes up when they are older and they ask questions. I remember asking my mum how she met my dad, if she had any boyfriends before him etc... I imagine that would be the time that your dh may disclose he's had relationships with men and women prior to you? Or perhaps it might come up if you ever have any talks about sexuality? Again, I remember asking my mum how she'd feel if I was gay and talking about family friends who were in a same sex relationship. I think either way, it's something for when they're older. Not because of the topic itself but because young children can worry about things. They only know 'mummy and daddy' and getting your head around your parents having relationships with other people prior to getting together requires a certain level or maturity regardless of whether those relationships were with the same sex or not.

My 17 year old is bi and he told me at 13. He had been told all his life that you can love who you want and some people have same sex parents etc.
When he told me he was bi I told him at that point that I had had relationships with people of the same sex too. If he had asked me at a younger age I would have told him at that point. It was irrelevant before that.
Nobody really wants to know about their parents sex life.

I wouldn’t tell my kids I was straight - sexual preference is a bit if an odd thing to discuss with your own child. I wouldn’t lie if they asked though.

(Now wondering if my parents are bi and it just never came up...)

It will all be ok, just wait for 27 years until Daddy announces it on Insta and then he can go on the telly and spill how difficult it's been for him.

I have the same thing in my marriage, also committed and monogamous. Ours are now 9 and 7 and we haven’t brought it up because it seems odd to, but I understand why you’ve thought about it and I have to. It’s because bisexuality is part of his identity and one he had to overcome shame to accept, it’s part of who he is and his history, we are friendly with one of his (male) ex partners and I don’t want the kids to feel it’s something we’ve hidden.
I’d say you don’t need worry about this when they are toddlers, we’ll probably explain Dad has loved men and women when our kids are old enough to be interested in or curious about romantic relationships. Right now they just aren’t.

I don’t think they need to know, no more than you don’t tell your child you’re straight. It doesn’t matter does it.

DH and I sometimes talk with dd about past relationships we have. Sometimes it’s because we are telling a story and we mention the person we went on the trip with or were out to dinner with. Sometimes it’s to tell cautionary tales about poor choices we made in our dating lives. So I think it just comes up naturally like that. He tells a story and mentions the man he was with or talks about an old boyfriend just the same as he might mention an old girlfriend. If he has no stories to tell, then there is really nothing to tell them. You don’t tell your kids about pure physical attraction, you talk to them about interactions with people and how those interactions helped shaped you as a person.

Why are you making it such a huge issue? You said ‘it’s not a big issue’ but everything in your post screams ‘this is a big deal’. He’s had relationships with men and women... ok... so?? Many people have had same sex encounters, flings and relationships before settling down? It’s just you don’t know about them because people arnt going around telling everyone!? Honestly don’t get why the kids would need to know? Why is it going to get around? And so what if it did? If the kids ‘found out’ as you put it, I would just say.. yes that’s true, we had other partners before we got together. End of?

Weird tbh. I'm bisexual but happily married to my husband, been together 15 years. I don't think I'd ever sit my children down and tell them I'm bisexual, unless they were teens and asked. Its more about you than them if you're wanting to make a big lgbt statement about daddy being bi

I don’t see why a 1&3 year old would need to know. If he were straight, would you tell them he only likes women? Equal chance they’ll be worried he’ll run off with another woman!
Perhaps it will come up in a heart-to-heart when therye tweens or teens... I suspect it does actually bother you in order to bring it up.