My 8 year old son has said he wants to be gay

[Bkg79]

Hi there

I am new to this. My 8 year old son is a loving, caring boy who would do anything to help anyone.

When he was 5 he was linked with a girl in his class and they would call each other boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 years. That stopped last year. When ever I asked about other girls he would get aggressive and say there is no girls.

His father and I are getting married this year after 13 years, and I causally said, would you like to get married when you are older, he said I want to be gay when I am older and adopt.

I was shocked, but also loving and caring being reassuring that he can talk to me anytime, and proud.

I know kids his age are still developing, and may change his mind. He knows what gay means so there is no questioning that. His dad says our son doesn't know what he wants to be and to leave it. But this will play on my mind. Any advice?

It is really fucking homophobic. You should be ashamed @Georgeskitchen

But back to the OP. Some kids do get strong ideas in their heads. My DD, who is only 6, and happens to be adopted and the daughter of a same sex couple, is firmly of the view that she’ll never have children because it hurts. I’ve never told her that, I have no idea where it came from but it’s a strongly held view of hers.

But it doesn’t actually matter now because she’s six. So I just go, oh you never know, you might change your mind, let’s watch some telly.

Most 8 year olds aren’t sure what they want for tea let alone who they want to marry.

I think at 8 I’d just listen and say “ok, I’ll love you no matter who you marry” or something like that.

He may well be Hopi g he is gay for some reason unrelated to his sexuality or he may well be gay. I think all we can do as parents is give love and acceptance and let them have space to figure out who they are without placing and expectations on them.

He is 8, I doubt he knows what he is or not. Don't worry about it.

I agree, really weird. So bizarre to reference children having boyfriends or girlfriends.

Zombie thread

Why bump an old thread for this post?

Ffs wise up. He's 8, just go with the flow. You thinking he knows all about being gay is totally naive. Try talking to him about his interests instead of prematurely discussing girlfriends, relationships and marriage. He sounds like he's being guided toward being a people pleaser so Mummy can brag about how he's now into gender. Tread carefully and encourage his childhood.

Whoops. I have only just seen it was a zombie. It came up in the suggestions , I am new to MN. 😵

Let her be a child ffs

In what way is the poster not letting her be a child?

At this age children in my view are just children - they don't know what the different words mean, they often talk about marrying parents! What is most likely is that they have heard references to being gay and have just latched on to this. In my view this awful sexualisation of childhood is contributing to children claiming they are gay just the same as claiming they identify as the opposite gender.

He is 8, leave him alone he is just a child

When my ds was 7 he wrote in his news book at school that he and his friend were going to "live gay and cook nice dinners." John's mum and I were quite hopeful for a while! He's 22 now, and lives straight with Gemma but he does cook nice dinners....

Yes, that's weird!

At what age did you 'know' you were heterosexual op?

"he may change his mind" this is so unbelievably homophobic and i genuinely cannot believe someone in 2023 would right this. i am outraged. you seriously need to take a long hard look in the mirror. reported.

I desperately wanted to marry my handsome dad. Sadly I now realise I probably did.

It's hard to know whether children are genuinely gay at this age or whether it's outside influence what with the way the worlds like at the moment.
I would just leave it and not bring it up again.

Agree. Its definitely alot harder now to know what's real or what is just in vogue.

30 years ago, at around age 8 I knew my cousin was gay, we all did, with the sole exception of his mum (apparently she still doesn't know, so my mum (her sister) says). It was never talked about, it was just known. There was another boy three door down where it was also obvious. If they were kids now though, with sexuality being discussed at a much younger age, it would be more difficult to tell.

The bigger point of course is that none of this matters.

I knew my ds was gay by age 8, he came out age 12 & said that he had always known he was gay.

Wow so young yet you think it's cool to be linked to a girl then say he is gay. Let him be a child are you going to believe him if he says he want to be a policeman tomorrow then a year later a bin man. Not sure why you feel the need to make an issues kids pick up things all the time they hear theres no need to make a thing of it lol

I see what you mean as it implies that not being gay would be the better option. I hope people don't mean it like that and are just clumsy in what they are saying.

If my 7 year old said it to me I would respond positively in the same way I would if they were talking about opposite sex. I wouldn't assume they are gay or heterosexual. I would follow their lead.

Your DS may be gay or not. I’d just make very light of it if/when he mentions it and say something like ‘Ok love, that’s good. What would you like for a snack/to watch on TV etc. 8 year olds are flooded with ideas, thoughts, concepts. Some kids ive worked with, I’ve really thought would come out as gay at some stage, did indeed do just that. Some didn’t. Anything is possible and is fine but I’d not make a thing of it.

Leave him be, at that age they want to be lots of things but it doesn't mean they are. And if he is gay when he is older & past the age of consent, then it's nobody's business who he sleeps with.