Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

My 8 year old son has said he wants to be gay

110 replies

Bkg79 · 01/01/2023 17:06

Hi there

I am new to this. My 8 year old son is a loving, caring boy who would do anything to help anyone.

When he was 5 he was linked with a girl in his class and they would call each other boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 years. That stopped last year. When ever I asked about other girls he would get aggressive and say there is no girls.

His father and I are getting married this year after 13 years, and I causally said, would you like to get married when you are older, he said I want to be gay when I am older and adopt.

I was shocked, but also loving and caring being reassuring that he can talk to me anytime, and proud.

I know kids his age are still developing, and may change his mind. He knows what gay means so there is no questioning that. His dad says our son doesn't know what he wants to be and to leave it. But this will play on my mind. Any advice?

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 01/01/2023 18:54

My son said the same. He has a gay Aunt and a gay Uncle and we have many gay friends. He was a boy who took a doll to the shops in a buggy and was very fussed about his clothes and grooming (I know, I know, gender stereotypes) and seemed to attach very strong friendships, almost crushes, on his male friends at school. Whenever a girl expressed an interest in him he would be disinterested.

He is now 19 and has been in a 2 year relationship with a girl. He has friends who are out or bisexual. Atm he considers himself to be straight ... but who really knows?

Don't let it play on your mind. When the time is right he will tell you, one way or another.

TimeToFlyNow · 01/01/2023 18:55

One of mine was about 8 when he said he was going to marry a boy and adopt when he grew up. I just said that's nice and I can't remember it being mentioned again .

Bobbybobbins · 01/01/2023 19:05

Totally agree that this does not need further conversation but just 'that's nice' then move onto something else. My nephew (7) declared he will marry me on Christmas Day and we just smiled and then played a fun game with him.

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 01/01/2023 19:09

Comedycook · 01/01/2023 17:25

Oh for god sake why is it a problem she asked her son about his "girlfriend" it's not serious of course , I ask my 3 yr old about his little girl friend in preschool it's not that deep

It's really weird. You're three year old doesn't have a girlfriend nor did the ops ds.

Really? Is it the 1950s then?

BeautifulDragon · 01/01/2023 19:14

The way some people sexualise their young children is really bloody weird.

When my 8yo DS asked me if he could marry his best friend (a boy) I said 'Yes, boys can marry boys but it's not something you need to worry about until you're a grown up.'

'Boyfriends and girlfriends aren't for children.' Is another comment I've made when my DC have mentioned anything.

Where I work, parents who arrange 'dates' etc for their primary school children, are reported and recorded under our safeguarding policy.

I have a Facebook friend who posted a photo of her 8yo DD on a 'date' with her boyfriend. In one photo the boy is cuddling her (obviously been told to do it for the picture) and the poor girl looks so uncomfortable. Gross.

maddy68 · 01/01/2023 19:16

He might just be saying that not understanding what gay Ia or he might be gay. Just roll with it.

Xmasgrinchywinchy · 01/01/2023 19:31

He’s 8. This doesn’t warrant any headspace.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 01/01/2023 21:13

He's 8. It's about as realistic as asking what he wants to be when he grows up and he says 'astronaut'.

Just forget about it. Gay or straight it doesn't make a difference, surely?

MumChats · 01/01/2023 21:25

He probably wants to be gay because he doesn't want to have to live with a girl! I wanted to marry my cousin at that age...because we were best friends. Funnily enough as we grew up we grew out of it. What about when children in the playground think that the opposite sex are gross and that kissing is disgusting? If your DS did that would you worry he would be asexual?! You're hugely over thinking.

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 02/01/2023 02:14

He's too young. Stop asking him about things way beyond his years.

2pence · 02/01/2023 07:06

Same sex relationships are a normal part of life and so may be appealing to a boy who doesn't want to partner with a 'useless' girl. At this age, sexual orientation may not play a part in this preference.

Sadly, the sex divide is still prevalent in schools. You only have to look at a school playground to see who matters and who doesn't as the boys with their football loudly occupy the main space and the girls play their quiet role play on the outskirts.

We accept the "girls are yucky" mindset without question in this age group but nothing will change unless it's challenged and we explore where the idea that girls are lesser comes from and address it.

ArcticSkewer · 02/01/2023 07:12

Cool.

Are you from some community where everyone gets pregnant at 16 or something? Why all the focus on girlfriends and boyfriends when your kid is at primary? Stop asking him stupid questions he isn't equipped to answer and stop projecting onto his prepubescent view of his future.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 02/01/2023 08:26

My 8 year old tells me all the time she will never have a boyfriend because she likes girls and will never have children.
It wouldn't bother me either way as long as she's happy but she also can't decide what she wants for dinner either so I take it all with a pinch of salt 🤷‍♀️

Pinkflipflop85 · 02/01/2023 08:36

Georgeskitchen · 01/01/2023 17:58

Children of that age don't need all this. Does he even know what gay means? Who told him? I didn't even know how babies came about until I was about 11, and had no idea that same sex relationships existed. I didnt need to.
why can't we let children be Children anymore, without burdening them with adult issues?

How on earth is knowing that all types of relationships burdening a child with 'adult issues'?
My children's uncle is a married gay man. Do you suggest we hide them from him?

Namechangeforthis88 · 02/01/2023 08:50

It pains me when people talk about such young children having boyfriends and girlfriends. I wonder if you've created this situation my telling him his friend was a "girlfriend", if the two kids have formed new friendships and he now doesn't have a "girlfriend" but his friendships are with boys, it follows that they must be "boyfriends" in his 8 year old mind. Which is not so cute any more in your mind. Maybe it would be best for small children to simply have friends.

CoffeeBoy · 02/01/2023 09:04

Maybe at the age of 8 like most other 8yo boys he has no interest in girls. Maybe he’s interested in playing with his mates.

and because he’s been “linked” to a girl at such a young age and has people asking who’s next, etc he thinks that he should have an interest in girls and therefore assumes as he doesn’t he must be gay.

or maybe he is gay and always would have been.

i definitely think you need to leave it and let him be an 8yo.

Abraxan · 02/01/2023 09:13

Georgeskitchen · 01/01/2023 17:58

Children of that age don't need all this. Does he even know what gay means? Who told him? I didn't even know how babies came about until I was about 11, and had no idea that same sex relationships existed. I didnt need to.
why can't we let children be Children anymore, without burdening them with adult issues?

Whilst I agree children of these ages don't need to be dealing with the whole boyfriend/girlfriend issue, I disagree that children shouldn't know that relationships and families are made up differently across society.

There will be very few 8 year olds who wouldn't know what it meant to be gay. Many will have experience of members of their own family or friend's families being gay. They may have same sex relationships between their own parents, their friend's parents or other relatives. It's hardly uncommon.

At my school we have had at least one or two same sex parents in most year groups, from when I started working there several years ago. So even if 4 year olds know that mummies can love other mummies, and daddies can love daddies, in its simplest form.

And relationship education at schools starts from key stage 1, even eyfs to an extent. Books in schools tend to reflect all types of relationships these days. It's the norm, and it's a good thing.

Abraxan · 02/01/2023 09:14

Georgeskitchen - does your child know that hetrosexual relationships exist? If so, why?

Runningintolife · 02/01/2023 09:26

When mine were at primary and dating came up I always used to say 'you don't need to worry about dating until you are older, when you are through year 11 you'll be more ready and mature, just don't worry about all that yet'. And I tried to always talk about 'future boyfriends or girlfriends' not assuming heterosexuality. It took the pressure off.

2pence · 02/01/2023 15:34

For the girl to be just a friend and not a girlfriend you first have to acknowledge that she is his social equal and worthy of his friendship for merits unrelated to her sex.

Misogyny is learned social behaviour which starts with the blue/pink divide from birth.

"You're acting like a girl" is not a compliment.

RedHelenB · 02/01/2023 15:36

My ds said similar at his age. Girlfriends ever since.

Newnamenewname109870 · 02/01/2023 15:40

It’s hilarious but also sweet he ‘wants’ to be a sexuality that has been discriminated against for centuries. Ask him why. Then all you need to say is “ok darling, don’t worry about it you will like who you like when you’re older and it doesn’t really matter what you want. Whoever you like is fine.”

Soontobe60 · 02/01/2023 15:42

Bkg79 · 01/01/2023 17:06

Hi there

I am new to this. My 8 year old son is a loving, caring boy who would do anything to help anyone.

When he was 5 he was linked with a girl in his class and they would call each other boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 years. That stopped last year. When ever I asked about other girls he would get aggressive and say there is no girls.

His father and I are getting married this year after 13 years, and I causally said, would you like to get married when you are older, he said I want to be gay when I am older and adopt.

I was shocked, but also loving and caring being reassuring that he can talk to me anytime, and proud.

I know kids his age are still developing, and may change his mind. He knows what gay means so there is no questioning that. His dad says our son doesn't know what he wants to be and to leave it. But this will play on my mind. Any advice?

His dad is right.

Soontobe60 · 02/01/2023 15:47

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 01/01/2023 18:22

Is your first name Susie?

😂😂😂

pianaoff · 02/01/2023 15:49

Celeryfavour · 01/01/2023 17:14

"Linked with" a girl age 5, and when that stopped you asked him who was next?

Where did the OP ask who was next? She said whenever I ask about girls he says there are no girls. Stop creating your own story.

Swipe left for the next trending thread