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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

My 8 year old son has said he wants to be gay

110 replies

Bkg79 · 01/01/2023 17:06

Hi there

I am new to this. My 8 year old son is a loving, caring boy who would do anything to help anyone.

When he was 5 he was linked with a girl in his class and they would call each other boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 years. That stopped last year. When ever I asked about other girls he would get aggressive and say there is no girls.

His father and I are getting married this year after 13 years, and I causally said, would you like to get married when you are older, he said I want to be gay when I am older and adopt.

I was shocked, but also loving and caring being reassuring that he can talk to me anytime, and proud.

I know kids his age are still developing, and may change his mind. He knows what gay means so there is no questioning that. His dad says our son doesn't know what he wants to be and to leave it. But this will play on my mind. Any advice?

OP posts:
HaddawayAndShite · 01/01/2023 17:12

What exactly is playing on your mind?

He might not know what he wants, or he might know exactly what he wants. Does it matter?

Celeryfavour · 01/01/2023 17:14

"Linked with" a girl age 5, and when that stopped you asked him who was next?

WhatDoYouWantNow · 01/01/2023 17:15

He's 8. He doesn't know what the future holds. At that age, he can barely comprehend what the next week or month means. Have this discussion with him in a few years, when he has more understanding of himself, te world, and what "gay" actually means.

Original poster
Bkg79 · 01/01/2023 17:15

Of course it doesn't matter. It's the protective side of me that's coming out. His friends are not the most empathetic, and I know this as I know the parents have admitted to this. Believe me I am proud of him no matter what

OP posts:
Comedycook · 01/01/2023 17:16

When ever I asked about other girls he would get aggressive and say there is no girls

Why were you asking your primary aged son about girls?

Xiaoxiong · 01/01/2023 17:17

I think the only response at this age is "oh how lovely" ie. proceed exactly as you would have if he had said he wanted to get married to a woman. At 8 this is not a big deal. At 18 it is still not a big deal!

The only way this becomes a big deal is you making it a big deal and lots of big chats and heart to hearts and intense conversations.

"That's nice, hope I'm invited and there's lots of cake!" and then "let's go for a bike ride" or "want to play Lego" is the best reaction at the age of 8.

NewBootsAndRanty · 01/01/2023 17:18

Viewing your seven-year old kid as being "linked" to a girl for two years is ... odd.

FlowerLilyFix · 01/01/2023 17:19

Linked to a girl when he was 5 and now wants to be gay? Is this some joke? What’s the emphasis or need to discuss relationships like this or at all?

my soon to be 8 year old is interested in her toys, playing with her friends, marioKart and daisy books!

I don’t think she’d know what being Gay is or what adoption is! Let a child be a child.

lunar1 · 01/01/2023 17:19

What questions about girls were you asking your very young son?

What did you expect him to answer about getting married?

Let him grow up, he might be gay, he also might be trying to find a way to stop you asking some really odd questions.

LonginesPrime · 01/01/2023 17:19

His dad says our son doesn't know what he wants to be and to leave it. But this will play on my mind. Any advice?

Just curious, OP, but what would not leaving it entail?

What is DP trying to discourage you from doing?

Echobelly · 01/01/2023 17:19

I wouldn't make anything out of it; he might be gay, he might not be, I really don't think there's anything that needs to be said or done about it at this or any stage.

applebee33 · 01/01/2023 17:20

Oh for god sake why is it a problem she asked her son about his "girlfriend" it's not serious of course , I ask my 3 yr old about his little girl friend in preschool it's not that deep. Op I understand where your coming from , thankfully kids seem more open and understanding then they were when we were growing up but at least your aware of his feelings for now, they might change they might not but as long as he can discuss with you that's the main thing x good luck

RandomPerson42 · 01/01/2023 17:20

Pre-pubescent children declaring they “want to be gay” - this is a joke surely?

Beamur · 01/01/2023 17:20

I wouldn't be concerned. I'm guessing he's picked up on something he has heard at school.
My DD had friends of both sexes but the girls in particular were keen on the idea of marrying each other and had a whole series of marriages and divorces worked out between them.
Chat about it just as conversation and showing interest in his ideas and aspirations. He might be gay and adopt kids, he might not.

jamoncrumpets · 01/01/2023 17:21

I'm pretty sure my autistic 8yo is gay. Just a thing I feel in my bones as his mum. Don't think about it much at all to be honest. If he is he is. If he isn't he isn't.

IOnlycreatedaccountforthispost · 01/01/2023 17:22

My daughter told me she liked girls when she was around that age (she is now 11) but has never expressed interest in a particular girl or had a girlfriend. At first I felt upset but think I was just shocked as once I got over the initial shock I was fine with it. I just told her that was fine and love is love etc.
it is very (very) fashionable to be LGBTQ now in schools so my advice would be to just accept it and move on, I think there is too much pressure on kids to define their sexuality and gender. My daughter recently said she liked a boy so 🤷‍♀️ I don’t really say a lot as don’t want to put pressure on her to decide who she likes etc. She has plenty of time to decide who she does and doesn’t like and as long as she is happy I don’t care. She says she wants to get married and have kids (being gay doesn’t limit this anymore thank god) and we talk about this in random conversation’s, but I never ask what the sex of her spouse will be anymore, I just say spouse 😂

RememberNancyDrew · 01/01/2023 17:23

Dating starts at 5 now? Really?

TeenDivided · 01/01/2023 17:24

My view is you discourage talk about boyfriends and girlfriends at primary age, they are far too young.
He didn't say he is gay, just he 'wants' to be. Probably because he is 8 and thinks girls are yucky.
Just leave it for at least 5 years, let him be a child.

WOPTF · 01/01/2023 17:24

If your 8 year old kid says they are going to marry someone of the opposite sex when they're older you say "oh, nice". When they say they are going to marry their (same sex) best friend you also say "oh, nice". They're kids. God knows what they will be, who they will be, and who they will love.
At this age all you need to do is listen, so they know you will always listen, and they can always share without judgement.

Some weeks my 10 year old is going to marry her male best friend. Some weeks she says she thinks she'll never marry. She's recently asked what bisexuality is. She's not sure if she'll have kids or maybe adopt. Her twin says he is definitely living alone but adopting a son to give his Pokemon cards to. They're kids. All they need to know is that I'm here for them no matter what and to never stop sharing and talking to me.

MiniHouse · 01/01/2023 17:25

He said "he wants to be gay". When I was eight I decided I wanted to be a journalist, a violinist and a single mum with two kids because I thought boys seemed strange and liked children. My friend wanted to be a princess and vet.

There is no need to do anything about this or to talk about it unless he wants to. He's 8, put it into perspective. He's just talking about ideas and things he's heard. He probably is saying he prefers his male friends, it's a modern version of "I never want to marry as girls are boring and yucky"!

LittleBearPad · 01/01/2023 17:25

And what are you going to do if you don’t ‘leave it’?

He’s 8!

Comedycook · 01/01/2023 17:25

Oh for god sake why is it a problem she asked her son about his "girlfriend" it's not serious of course , I ask my 3 yr old about his little girl friend in preschool it's not that deep

It's really weird. You're three year old doesn't have a girlfriend nor did the ops ds.

MMMarmite · 01/01/2023 17:26

Some kids know their sexuality that young, some much later, some change as they grow. I understand your wish to protect him. What I would do (which I'd want to do anyway) at his age is make sure that all forms of relationship are talked about positively in the household, and make sure that he has access to a range of positive gay role models (e.g. in TV show and books). I'd also discuss discrimination and bullying, including homophobic, when relevant, so he knows he can get your support if he needs it.

RandomUsernameHere · 01/01/2023 17:29

I really doubt that this is any indication whatsoever whether he will or won't be gay. When I was a young kid I said I wanted to marry my cousin (have absolutely no idea why I said that)!

TeenDivided · 01/01/2023 17:29

At 5, or 3, they aren't girlfriends or boyfriends, they are a girl who is a friend or whatever.

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