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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

My 8 year old son has said he wants to be gay

110 replies

Bkg79 · 01/01/2023 17:06

Hi there

I am new to this. My 8 year old son is a loving, caring boy who would do anything to help anyone.

When he was 5 he was linked with a girl in his class and they would call each other boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 years. That stopped last year. When ever I asked about other girls he would get aggressive and say there is no girls.

His father and I are getting married this year after 13 years, and I causally said, would you like to get married when you are older, he said I want to be gay when I am older and adopt.

I was shocked, but also loving and caring being reassuring that he can talk to me anytime, and proud.

I know kids his age are still developing, and may change his mind. He knows what gay means so there is no questioning that. His dad says our son doesn't know what he wants to be and to leave it. But this will play on my mind. Any advice?

OP posts:
applebee33 · 01/01/2023 17:30

She is his "girl" friend , as far as a relationship they adore one another and spend lots of time together at pre school that's all their is to it , it's really not that deep

Comedycook · 01/01/2023 17:31

applebee33 · 01/01/2023 17:30

She is his "girl" friend , as far as a relationship they adore one another and spend lots of time together at pre school that's all their is to it , it's really not that deep

It's not that deep....dear oh dear. How old are you? I've only heard teenagers speak like that!

Biscuitsneeded · 01/01/2023 17:31

OK darling, that's lovely. You can choose to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend when you're older. Now, shall we do some lego/drawing/watch a film/play a game/go to the park?

I really wouldn't do or say any more than this at this age. Just so long as he knows either straight or gay is fine with you, no more needs to be said.

But why are you asking him about girls when he's 8 years old? He may well be saying he's gay to stop you haranguing him with daft and embarrassing questions!

Notanotherusername4321 · 01/01/2023 17:32

RememberNancyDrew · 01/01/2023 17:23

Dating starts at 5 now? Really?

Ooh I’m off to design a preschool dating app

🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑

LittleBearPad · 01/01/2023 17:32

applebee33 · 01/01/2023 17:30

She is his "girl" friend , as far as a relationship they adore one another and spend lots of time together at pre school that's all their is to it , it's really not that deep

So she’s a friend that’s a girl but you’ve ascribed another meaning to it that isn’t really appropriate is it.

aureus3012 · 01/01/2023 17:34

Maybe he was fed up of you asking about his girlfriends so decided he wants to be gay!

Panpastels · 01/01/2023 17:44

Weird how people don't mind their young child having opposite sex 'boyfriends and girlfriends' but are 'too young' to know that same sex relationships exist and are just as valid!

Tinner01 · 01/01/2023 17:47

gay man here. It’s honestly inappropriate for you to refer to his relationships with peers in such an adult context, and hence if he brings this up again just respond casually as pps have suggested. don’t turn it into a deep confusing conversation. What he says thinks and does at this age has no bearing on his future sexuality and even if it does it doesn’t matter.

Tinner01 · 01/01/2023 17:48

@Biscuitsneeded and @Xiaoxiong have the right ideas

Wiluli · 01/01/2023 17:50

He is at a age where he is will be aware most people feel differently, he might know exactly how he feels . Most of the gay friends I have knew something felt different from a young age but at the time ( I’m 40 ) they didn’t know what as the world wasn’t as open as today . Thankfully most children now know ( or I hope they do ) that it’s not a massive thing anymore an he will still be loved and accepted .

why do you think it’s playing on your mind ? Are you struggling with the idea ?

Coffeellama · 01/01/2023 17:50

He isn’t gay or straight or anything else like that, he’s a child. My DD plans to be Spider-Man when she’s an adult, it doesn’t play on my mind. Leave your kid alone!

BadgerLovesMash · 01/01/2023 17:51

I don't understand why this would be a big deal for you? No different to if he said he was planning to get married to a girl one day.

My eldest dd told me aged 12 she was pansexual. It hasn't changed they way I think about her future at all, she will still be able to get married, have kids and everything else she wants to do.

DD2 (10) stated she was a lesbian during a conversation a few weeks ago.

Sexuality should just be accepted as and when they tell us. I don't understand people who assume their child will be straight so therefore they feel they have to come out.

sweatyshower · 01/01/2023 17:54

oh dear. when I was at that age I wanted to marry my cat. (who was a girl but was my husband) so. there's that.
before that I wanted to marry my mommy.

My 4 year old wants to marry me now.

Tinner01 · 01/01/2023 17:54

aureus3012 · 01/01/2023 17:34

Maybe he was fed up of you asking about his girlfriends so decided he wants to be gay!

Agreed- perhaps he has noticed his close relationships with boys are not commented on! Kids that age don’t see the world with adult eyes, we choose to ascribe meaning to their relationships, they just see people.

Fireyflies · 01/01/2023 17:56

DS said he wanted to marry me when he was about that age......

Georgeskitchen · 01/01/2023 17:58

Children of that age don't need all this. Does he even know what gay means? Who told him? I didn't even know how babies came about until I was about 11, and had no idea that same sex relationships existed. I didnt need to.
why can't we let children be Children anymore, without burdening them with adult issues?

catfunk · 01/01/2023 18:14

Oh for god sake why is it a problem she asked her son about his "girlfriend" it's not serious of course , I ask my 3 yr old about his little girl friend in preschool it's not that deep.

Because it's really fucking weird for an adult to sexualise their primary age child, even if you are not being serious you're forcing the notion of them being in a (straight) adult relationship on them when it's actually just an innocent friendship at that age.

Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 01/01/2023 18:16

You're thinking way too much into this. It's just something kids might say.

Also, 'linked with'? Referring to a 5 year old? Really?

WOPTF · 01/01/2023 18:18

Georgeskitchen · 01/01/2023 17:58

Children of that age don't need all this. Does he even know what gay means? Who told him? I didn't even know how babies came about until I was about 11, and had no idea that same sex relationships existed. I didnt need to.
why can't we let children be Children anymore, without burdening them with adult issues?

I absolutely do think kids need to know same sex relationships exist. It normalises any feelings they may have. As previous poster said, we really need to stop them feeling they need to "come out".

MMMarmite · 01/01/2023 18:20

Georgeskitchen · 01/01/2023 17:58

Children of that age don't need all this. Does he even know what gay means? Who told him? I didn't even know how babies came about until I was about 11, and had no idea that same sex relationships existed. I didnt need to.
why can't we let children be Children anymore, without burdening them with adult issues?

This is really homophobic. Unless you propose that we somehow hide the existance of all heterosexual relationships too?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 01/01/2023 18:22

Is your first name Susie?

Simonjt · 01/01/2023 18:23

Georgeskitchen · 01/01/2023 17:58

Children of that age don't need all this. Does he even know what gay means? Who told him? I didn't even know how babies came about until I was about 11, and had no idea that same sex relationships existed. I didnt need to.
why can't we let children be Children anymore, without burdening them with adult issues?

I completely agree, which is exactly why my son doesn’t know that straight relationships exist and likely doesn’t know that straight people exist, as I also want children to be children, rather than burdening him with adult issues.

Bluekerfuffle · 01/01/2023 18:24

I agree with his dad.

Fireyflies · 01/01/2023 18:36

Children know about gay relationships these days and also that gay people can have children (eg via adoption). This is great for those who realise in their teens that they are gay and makes it much easier to come out and be accepted. Most parents are more chilled about it than in the past too. The thing is that young children are often more comfortable with own sex so if they're presented with heterosexuality and homosexually as equally valid they will very often express a preference for being gay, as the opposite sex are a bit scary/"yucky". Making babies via sex sounds pretty yucky too to most young children and adoption or surrogacy much nicer. So very common I think to say they'd rather be gay. I don't think this really matters - when they hit puberty hormones kick in and most will decide that they're actually attracted to the opposite sex, and sex is appealing.

Favouritefruits · 01/01/2023 18:44

He might be gay he might not be, he might just think girls stink and he’d rather live with a man, he might change his mind, he might not. No point in worrying about ‘what ifs’

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