Trans girls not allowed to go to girls secondary schools, have I got that right?

[Sendhelpsoon]

Just checking as daughter is navigating this now and I’m sure many have been here before us.

Op you don't seem to be aware of quite how rare a persisting trans identity is

You don't seem quite aware of how often trans identifying children have multiple other issues - be it homophobic families, autism , sexual abuse , depression which , if tackled often lead to the child being more comfortable with their sex

That's why people are expressing concern - if you acknowledged these facts and showed a broad understanding then you would have less challenging

@Paigeycakey sorry to derail, but nobody has both a penis and a vagina at birth, a quick Google could tell you that. It is possible to have one ovary and one internal deformed testicle where the other ovary should be, but this is an extremely rare, and the ovary and testicle are removed as soon as they are discovered as they have a high potential to become cancerous.

Fortunately for your child, schools are one of the facilities that don’t need to segregate by sex, so there are plenty of mixed sex schools out there.

Single-sex schools will be set up with single-sex facilities, so it’s not reasonable to expect girls to share toilets/showers/changing rooms with a male, irrespective of that male’s gender identity.

Though obviously single-sex facilities are legally required within mixed sex schools!

Your GS doesn't speak for everyone.

Incorrect. It is possible albeit it rare to be born with both penis and vagina although generally they won't be fully functional. Nonetheless recognisable P&V. It is even possible to be born with both sets fully functional but this is extremely rare. Only a handful of cases have ever been documented.

To be fair to the OP they haven’t said anything that indicates they are or aren’t aware of (or agree or disagree with) any of the points you’ve made in your post.

They have just said their kid wants to go to a single sex school, but they feel it’s best for their welfare to go to a mixed sex school (which most people here agree with), and asked whether it’s true that trans kids can’t go to single sex schools, so they can use this info to give their kid an additional reason why they can’t go single sex.

The OP doesn’t owe you a long background post explaining their level of knowledge, their views or their parenting style. They asked a question, it’s been answered.

Child safeguarding is everyone's business. It scares me that you are so outraged at someone who only wants to protect your child from abuse and harm.

If you genuinely want to help the OP’s child or the OP, I don’t think starting by accusing the OP of doing something you think is really damaging (affirming their kid) is the right way to go about it though. The OP hadn’t said anything that suggests they are or aren’t affirming their kid. They’ve only said their kid want to go to a single sex school, and they don’t think this is best for their welfare (something most posters here agree with) and are seeking info to help persuade their kid that a single sex school isn’t an option.

If you do want to give the OP help / support / information / your perspective - probably better to start by asking if they’d like a chat or more info.

I don’t have a dog in this fight, but telling someone you don’t know off the bat that they are wrong and harming their child, (especially when nothing they’ve said has indicated they are doing that) isn’t going to make them open to hearing your views or accepting your help

I didn't say she was abusing or harming her child. I said if she is encouraging her child to believe he's not really a boy, then this is risking pushing him down a path towards pain, regret and medical abuse. I said if she is telling him there is something wrong with his body, this is abuse.

OP's response was to tell me it was none of my business. I'm not sure why she couldn't reassure me that my fears were unfounded, instead of acting offended that I would even raise the question.

they feel it’s best for their welfare to go to a mixed sex school (which most people here agree with)

To be honest I'm not so sure about that. Some single-sex schools might be better at coping with dysphoria and with children who are not gender conforming. It is probably becoming more familiar to them too.

But her DC couldn't go to an opposite-sex school.

Source please?

Yes but you did start off by saying…

“Encouraging your child to identify as the opposite sex (at age 9!!! Ffs) is going to cause them untold mental, emotional and likely physical pain down the line.

Accept that you have a non-gender conforming son and let him know it's fine to have whatever interests he likes. He is still a real boy and it's abusive to tell him he's not.”

That could (generously) be interpreted as you saying IF you are doing this THEN it is going to cause…..

Or IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING TO accept that you have a non-gender conforming son THEN you’d should let him know that ….

But to me it does read much more as you assuming the OP is already doing this and telling her that she’s going to harm her son.

I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with your points, but I’m not surprised the OP interpreted what you said as an accusation or a judgement, rather than as an expression of open hearted concern and an offer of support and information.

This with bells on

But you aren’t safeguarding my child or protecting them from harm.
You invented a false narrative of who I am based on nothing.

Im sorry “it scares you” that I’m outraged by that, but to be honest “it scares me” that people like you sit behind a computer waiting to shout child abuse and decide how I’m parenting my child, and that that’s abusive based on nothing.
Have you really nothing better to do with your life than create these perpetual ideas of people and spout it online.
Fair enough if there was some indication I was harming my child but you are just stirring up trouble where it isn’t needed or wanted and I will absolutely stand up for myself when somebody suggests (because they’ve made it up) that I am harming my child, just as I would if you were stood in front of me.

Do you walk down the street shouting at people that they are abusing their kids based on no information? I assume not. Yet behind a keyboard you are happy to.
Theres a name for people like that. I think they live under bridges

I'd suggest mixed-sex anyway, regardless of the rules.

I'd also suggest that your child gets the chance to join their birth sex for sports as they grow into their teenage size, having watched the low-key way our town's boys football team squashed any mockery of their transgirl player and 'let her be herself' amongst physical equals (and later 'let him be himself' again, given that he desisted in late teens).

Why do I need to reassure you?
I need to reassure you that I don’t harm my child because you decided it’s likely I do? Based on nothing.

You really can’t see it’s not ok to jump on people you know zilch about and accuse them of child abuse can you.

Based on what you've posted, it's reasonable to assume that you may be encouraging your child to transition. You may not be. I don't know either way. But it's reasonable for me to ask the question and raise a concern.

I'm sorry I've clearly upset you, but my comments were a reasonable response to what's been posted. If you want comments that are more closely related to your situation, you need to give more information. If you don't want to give more information, you have to accept that people will have questions. It's an open forum - you can't expect people to automatically understand where you're coming from.

Calling your son your daughter raises alarm bells that you are encouraging or supporting your child to transition.