How can I support my son if he wants to wear a skirt to school?

[BarkhamBelle]

My 10yo son has decided he wants to wear skirts. I bought him one for at home, which he has barely taken off as he loves it. Now he has asked me to buy him a skirt for school for the new term. He says it's because he likes the way it looks and the way it feels. I am fully in support of him wearing whatever he is comfortable with, but I am so worried about him being teased or bullied at school (he's quite sensitive and we've had problems before with his friendships at school). How can we best support him? I feel really out of my depth and scared I will not handle this right, so looking for any advice or similar experiences please.... Thanks

Get a grip and tell him no. Who is the adult here? Also get him some help because he’s looking for something.

I have seen this first hand and it can get difficult as they get older. Great intentions - let him express himself as he likes, etc - but then wearing skirts become the identity (at y7 ish there is a developmental change and they start tying to figure out who they are, what tribe they belong to), wearing a skirt will be makes him stand out and feel special, what drives his reputation. He will get feedback that he’s so brave, lots of adulation, lots of sympathy because he’s being mocked, he might enjoy the self-righteous feeling of martyrdom, etc.

All fine (ish) until the next step happens. It’s not easy being a trans kid. I’ve seen the self harm and suicide efforts that accompany it all. He will certainly go searching for likeminded people on TikTok etc. Hard to find a teenage partner. Hard to go back on yourself and detransition without feeling you’re betraying your new TikTok friends.

If he is trans then let him come to that when he’s a few years older and a little more able to deal with it. Perhaps past the age where puberty blockers might be wanted.

It seems an easy step to just say no at the moment. Watch and wait.

Last year at the local theatre we went to the play “Boy in a Dress” hilariously funny but far removed from reality, even if a child wants to be “different” he needs to understand that looking even more different will make life harder because others will discriminate against him.

You can’t force others to like you, physical or verbal bullying is one result but emotional bullying and discrimination is even more harmful, there is little that can be done to stop it.

Do not send your son to school in a skirt.

Do not send your son to school in a skirt

probs a bit late…it was over 18 months ago

You'd be as well painting a target on his back. Be a parent, and be responsible for his wellbeing.

How did you get on? My 10 year old would like to do the same. School would be fine with it and he knows about the risk of bullies etc. He's not trans, just wants to be able to wear a skirt (with leggings).

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory ·23/08/2022 18:55
God, this replies on thread are depressing. OP, I do agree however that the first step is to check to school uniform policy and speak to the head about it.
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My daughter's school has a gender neutral uniform policy and she wears trousers or skirts with no issues. Boys should be able to do the same. Of course you need to prepare your child for how the other children might react and that they may tease him but you can support him by helping him make this decision himself with an understanding of the possible consequences. Not telling him he can't express himself because of bullies. Where would we be if no one ever went against the grain.

This. If girls have the choice, boys ought to.

Snugglemonkey · 23/08/2022 20:15
I am in Scotland and kilts are on the approved uniform list for boys and girls at our school. If my son wanted to wear one, I would buy one (not that happily as they are £100!).
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I appreciate that it may well be different elsewhere but I do not see why clothing is gendered, or why anyone would imagine an article of clothing can define any aspect of sexualty or gender. If he wants to wear a skirt and he can handle people's reactions, why not?”

And this. Seriously, it’s fabric. Look back through the ages. Make and female humans have worn all sorts of clothing. Why do some people get so worked up about it?

Our 6ft 5”, heterosexual son is Cornish. Good luck to anyone who tries to deride him for wearing his kilt.

My friends son is gay, and has been since he was in early secondary school.
She let him wear a summer dress for school for a few days because he desperately wanted to.
Even now at 40+, he occasionally bumps into his old classmates and is still remembered as the boy who wore a dress at school.

Interesting. I don’t know any gay men who wear skirts.

Just to point out that the original post was made nearly 2 years ago and OP has not made any other posts so think we can safely say they aren’t coming back!

Don’t let him, it starts with this and before you know they’re beginning for hormones and sex changes. He’s a boy and needs to accept that. It’s being cruel to be kind to be honest about it

When I was a kid in the early 1970's, girls were bullied and teased because they chose to wear jeans and dungarees instead of skirts and dresses. Did that bullying stop girls wearing jeans and dungarees? No, it didn't, and now it's accepted that girls can wear trousers and jeans, so why can't boys wear skirts or kilts and have the same clothing rights and freedom of expression that girls enjoy?
Moreover, I would go further and say this gender clothing nonsense has been backwards for centuries. Trousers and shorts are better suited to the female anatomy because they have internal genitalia and don't suffer crotch compression like males do. Skirts and dresses are better for male anatomy because they have external genitalia and need the extra room that those clothes provide.
I say let boys wear skirts to school and break this gendered clothing nonsense for good, otherwise males are going to be stuck in trousers and shorts for evermore. Men and boys must stand up for their rights to wear whatever they like and have equality with girls and women, and judging by the comments on this thread, they are going to need to fight for it, but if girls fought for their rights to wear male fashions, I think boys should do the same.

It's very easy to understand. Trousers and shorts are better suited to the female anatomy because females don't suffer crotch compression, whereas males having external genitalia do suffer compression and discomfort in that area when wearing trousers and shorts, therefore anatomically, males need the extra room that skirts and kilts provide, that's why they find them more comfortable to wear. It has zero to do with changing sex. This gender clothing conformity has been backwards for many years.