How can I support my son if he wants to wear a skirt to school?

[BarkhamBelle]

My 10yo son has decided he wants to wear skirts. I bought him one for at home, which he has barely taken off as he loves it. Now he has asked me to buy him a skirt for school for the new term. He says it's because he likes the way it looks and the way it feels. I am fully in support of him wearing whatever he is comfortable with, but I am so worried about him being teased or bullied at school (he's quite sensitive and we've had problems before with his friendships at school). How can we best support him? I feel really out of my depth and scared I will not handle this right, so looking for any advice or similar experiences please.... Thanks

Well clearly some of them do

In upper secondary, I'd be all for this. When a child can understand the likely backlash and prep for it. When their sense of identity is more developed. When they may have supportive friends, teachers, family.

In primary, well it depends. There are schools where this would be quirky and well-supported. They are pretty rare.

A man walking down a street in London in a skirt will still get looks and comments - I have been with a friend doing just that - plenty of support, but also plenty of negativity. I don't think a primary-aged child is ready for that.

ok, bad wording. But lgbt children section. therefore, includes children who are trans?

Why I don’t believe there are “several boys”allegedly wearing skirts at Jojobees‘ DS’s secondary school? Secondary school? More than one boy? Because it’s a crock of 💩

My children have told me it depends entirely on the school - there’s a boy who does similar at my youngest’s school and is really popular but they expressed reservation about it at their old school - ironically 2mons down the road. Basically they are too polite to say the more metropolitan/ middle class the school, the more likely it will pan out fine for your son.

I just don't get it personally, I see the appeal for girls to wear shorts/trousers of course as they are far more practical in many situations - but why do boys want to wear skirts? Why do they like the way it looks better than a pair of shorts for example? How does skirt material feel different to any other clothing material? As a woman who finds it much easier/better to wear trousers 90% of the time I just don't understand why.

to clarify, they are talking about primary school

Why would anyone give a shit about a boy wearing a skirt? Surely freaking out about it shows the exact loony gender bollocks that exemplifies trans ideology? Isn't that the whole point- that kids can wear whatever the fuck they want, it doesn't change their sex..

No way on God's earth would I allow my 10 year boy go to school in a skirt. It's a recipe for disaster

Cats and babies can't talk

And there’s no such thing as a trans child.

child
/tʃʌɪld/

noun
a young human being below the age of puberty or below the legal age of majority.

transgender
/tranzˈdʒɛndə,transˈdʒɛndə/

adjective: transgender; adjective: transgendered
denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.

In England and Wales and in Northern Ireland a minor is a person under the age of 18; in Scotland a minor reaches the age of majority at 18 although minors from the age of 16 have legal capacity to enter into contracts.

My eldest is trans. My eldest is not yet 18. They have changed their name. They have been confirmed as wanting to transition by their GP. They are taking hormones and awaiting a tavistock appointment.

how are there no trans children?

I'd check school uniform policy and tell him possible scenarios such as being mocked or etc. If he still insists, I'd let him wear a skirt and ask him when he comes back from school how his day was and check if everything was ok.

If you tell him he must suppress himself, I'm sure he'll follow your advice, but his personality and self expression will be all the weaker for it
Would this also apply to a girl (or boy, why not?) who is told they can't wear their glittery fairy wings and tutu to school, because of the uniform rules?
If not, why not?

Have a chat with him to explain that although it is fine for him to wear a skirt or dress outside school he cannot do that in the school itself. Simply tell him that this is a school uniform. Also be honest about the fact that he would attract the wrong type of attention and likely be bullied if he did that.

You can be supportive of your son and tell him that is great that he does not want to conform to gender stereotypes but also to be honest about how this would be perceived at school.

If he was an older teen then it would be different but you don't to over-complicate the life of a 10 year old. When he is a bit older he will be better equipped to stand up for himself.

''@Bluebells12 you can educate him that school has a uniform policy and traditions that are about showing respect and conformity to the group’s social norms.''

That is your personal view rather than ''social norms''. These days more men feel that they don't have to follow these nonsensical ''social norms''. Can I also remind you that many men across the world with wear garment that look like dresses because of religious or cultural differences and that throughout history men have worn outfits that were closer to skirts (remember the Romans? the Greeks?) than trousers. I think it is great that people like Harry Styles are equally comfortable in suits and dresses...

There was a fascinating exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum this year about menswear that showed the evolution of male garments throughout the ages and it was fascinating to see that during some periods men were the ones wearing pink (because the dye used to create the colour was expensive and therefore a sign of health) and lace!

GLittery wings and tutus are blatantly not part of the uniform. School skirts are?

They are taking hormones and awaiting a tavistock appointment.

You'll be waiting a while then then given the Tavi has closed due to safeguarding. Or lack of.

I agree. There are children that have been messed up and left confused by our silly gender stereotyping ingrained in society. There are children suffering from dysphoria. These children need help with their mental health, not hormones or surgery.

I'd say to him that there's nothing wrong with anyone wearing what they want to, but as sad as it is this particular thing comes with a very high risk of bullying and making his life harder in ways he cant perceive right now. As his parent it's your job to protect him from things that you think may hurt him, even when he disagrees, so it's a no for now. However, this sort of thing might be a bit easier in secondary school if he still badly wants to. Probably not in year 7 or 8 while he's still settling in, but year 9 onwards when any friendships are established etc. That said if he ended up wearing one anyway I would support completely and not chastise - no "what did you expect?" if there were any mean comments.

I understand clothes are a part of someone expressing themselves but its not the end all and be all. I think in a supportive family where a kid is valued and able to express themselves in a multitude of ways, it's a good message that your clothes are not who you are. They are just clothes. The idea that it's a essential part of someone being able to show who they are to the world feels too far. I'm probably alone in that though and rather boringly think clothes are primarily about function and comfort!

They are aware. When being moved to the local centres that are being set up, they will maintain their place on the waiting list. This has also already been discussed with the GP. This has been led and driven by them, btw, despite having one parent against and one supportive parent.

I am in Scotland and kilts are on the approved uniform list for boys and girls at our school. If my son wanted to wear one, I would buy one (not that happily as they are £100!).

I appreciate that it may well be different elsewhere but I do not see why clothing is gendered, or why anyone would imagine an article of clothing can define any aspect of sexualty or gender. If he wants to wear a skirt and he can handle people's reactions, why not?