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Original poster

How can I support my son if he wants to wear a skirt to school?

190 replies

BarkhamBelle · 23/08/2022 18:29

My 10yo son has decided he wants to wear skirts. I bought him one for at home, which he has barely taken off as he loves it. Now he has asked me to buy him a skirt for school for the new term. He says it's because he likes the way it looks and the way it feels. I am fully in support of him wearing whatever he is comfortable with, but I am so worried about him being teased or bullied at school (he's quite sensitive and we've had problems before with his friendships at school). How can we best support him? I feel really out of my depth and scared I will not handle this right, so looking for any advice or similar experiences please.... Thanks

OP posts:
ColonelCarter · 23/08/2022 22:52

Celeryfavour · 23/08/2022 21:08

What feels nice about wearing a skirt? Or looks nice? I'd definitely be looking at where this idea has come from. For better or worse, society has attached meaning to the way we present ourselves.

Skirts aren't practical for school either in the classroom or the playground - sitting cross legged, running about. I'd suggest shorts instead, if they are within uniform code.

Have you never seen little girls swishing and twirling their skirt because they think it looks nice and they feel like a princess?

It's really disingenuous to say that women and girls don't wear dresses and skirts to look and feel good.

I don't feel "sexy" in a skirt, but I do feel good about myself and I like looking nice and skirts suit my figure better.

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 22:54

We're talking about school uniform skirts.

BackBleb · 23/08/2022 22:58

Seriously? My kid loved the way skirts looked and felt - swooshy, freeing, I dunno. I kept trying to get her to wear trousers because it was more practical but she wouldn't have it. (Then she witnessed girls being teased for their knickers being on show on the climbing frame and stopped wearing skirts.)

Seriously though, so much policing of "normal" here.

ColonelCarter · 23/08/2022 22:58

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 22:54

We're talking about school uniform skirts.

Yes. I liked mine. We were allowed to wear trousers. But I chose not to. DD is also allowed to wear trousers (and has several pairs) but chooses pinafores. They are grey, with pleated skirt part, no fancy bows or anything. But she still prefers them.

OriginalUsername2 · 23/08/2022 23:06

A ten year old is just approaching year 6. The year where all the boys start getting rowdy and the kids get more clique-y. I really can’t imagine it going well.

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh · 23/08/2022 23:06

We're talking about school uniform skirts
**
Did you really hate your school skirt Johnnysgirl?
**

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 23:08

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh · 23/08/2022 23:06

We're talking about school uniform skirts
**
Did you really hate your school skirt Johnnysgirl?
**

It certainly didn't make me look or feel like a Princess. Did anybody's yours?

Just10moreminutesplease · 23/08/2022 23:11

MissMaple82 · 23/08/2022 19:38

No they shouldn't be able to do the same, boys don't wear skirts!

Show quote history

And girls didn’t wear trousers at one point, then people realised it was stupid and sexist to prevent someone from wearing the clothes they felt comfortable in because of arbitrary rules on ‘appropriate’ dress. Why can’t the same be true for boys and skirts?

OP, how I would handle this would depend on the school. If it is fairly progressive and accepting of differences, then I would speak to them and allow my son to go ahead. If not I’d explain that he needs to wait until he is older and can handle the backlash (although this is unfair, it might be the safest option).

ColonelCarter · 23/08/2022 23:11

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 23:08

It certainly didn't make me look or feel like a Princess. Did anybody's yours?

Show quote history

DD still twirls around in hers, but she's 4, anything that twirls is "princess dress". I didn't feel like a princess, but at secondary school I did try and emulate the St. Trinian's vibe (and got told off for it!).

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh · 23/08/2022 23:13

I did quite like it - a bit more of a 'cut' than my home clothes, I had nothing like an A line skirt at home! School trousers weren't an option then.

Mariposista · 23/08/2022 23:16

He will be bullied and laughed at, which will affect his MH and his learning (which is what he is at school for). So what’s more important, his right to wear a skirt or his education? He can wear what he wants at home but he is at school for a reason and making himself a target unnecessarily is a really bad idea.

Doyoumind · 23/08/2022 23:17

I'd love to live in a world where anyone could wear what they want. I've been gender non confirming since I was a child. But the reality is a sensitive 10yo who has problems making friends is going to benefit far more from being protected from the reactions of others to him wearing a skirt than he is from the 'freedom' of 'expressing himself'.

Even if the children were kind enough not to take the piss, he would be the focus of attention for confused peers. I would want that for a sensitive child of mine. It takes resilience to stand out from the crowd.

Doyoumind · 23/08/2022 23:18

*wouldn't want that

NotRainingToday · 23/08/2022 23:25

OP, I haven't read the whole thread (sorry, it's quite long) but the first page seemed to be very against the skirt.

My DC (male born, non-binary) is older, they have just finished GCSEs. They wore a skirt every day all through year 10 and 11. No-one remarked on it. It was literally not a thing.

(my) house rules were: no bare legs, no underwear showing. Tights or leggings under is a must. Soft cotton shorts also good for "modesty" (hate that word but you know what I mean) and especially good over tights for keeping them up.

I really don't think it's a problem, but if it turns out to be, your DC can always revert to trousers.

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 23/08/2022 23:45

Mariposista · 23/08/2022 23:16

He will be bullied and laughed at, which will affect his MH and his learning (which is what he is at school for). So what’s more important, his right to wear a skirt or his education? He can wear what he wants at home but he is at school for a reason and making himself a target unnecessarily is a really bad idea.

Oh stop talking so much sense 😉

Walkingtheplank · 24/08/2022 00:00

🍪

My first ever...

Thesethingsareudderrated · 24/08/2022 01:56

My DD continually got detention for having her earrings and bracelets on.( They are only allowed one set of tiny studs and no bracelets or chains etc- she has three piercings in each ear😀 ) and all these mad wee rings and stuff on her fingers . Would she listen ? Naw! She was at the wind upand detention after detention she got...

Honesty, I wonder why some teachers can be bothered. They were very selective in who they pulled up about the uniform policy . Not the wee rich kids who had massive eyelash extensions in whose parents gave massive donations and were on the PTA etc etc ...
Speak to the Head of year ,OP and see what they say . They might be sympathetic to the boy as the times are changing . I hope he gets on ok . My girl is off to Sixth Form with hunners of bangles on !!❤️

singingblues · 24/08/2022 10:32

I know, and I know of, a few children whose parents have given in to and even encouraged this type of behaviour. I can tell you not a single one is happy. They might not have been happy before but in no case has it helped. Please don't do it. Please look to see if there is anything else that needs fixing.

Marcipex · 24/08/2022 10:55

I think the thing he needs support with is friendships. Work on those.

When he has a good group of supportive friends and is more mature himself, maybe consider it again.

But as things are, I think it would be madness. It shouldn’t matter, but it does.
Kids shouldn’t bully, but they do.

WheresTheLambSauce · 29/08/2022 03:08

Op, I think the best way to reach a decision would be through having an honest, open discussion with your son in which you outline any possible outcomes (positive or negative) from him wearing skirts to school. You know your son best, only you can have a good idea of how he'll actually handle it.

With that said, I'm honestly disenhearted that mumsnet, which I believed advocated against gender conformity and enforced norms, is taking such umbrage with someone exploring their personal style? I thought it was wrong to gender clothes, to expect girls to be inherently 'feminine' and boys to be inherently 'masculine'? I'm not personally a fan of skirts, but they're loose and free-flowing and can be fun to wear. Why is masculinity seen as the default, and feminity seen as jarring?

In other cultures, and in the past, it was completely fine for men to forgo trousers. If we collectively supported people who wanted to express themselves through their fashion, then maybe we could all make the world a more accepting place. I think, as a demographic who had to fight to wear trousers not so long ago, we could all be a little more understanding.

PinkFrogss · 29/08/2022 19:04

Seems it must be a regional thing then as all the schools around here have generic uniforms, same white shirt, tie, blazer and choice of trousers/skirt/shorts that isn’t split by sex. As it should be really.

Double check your school uniform policy OP just in case but otherwise if he’s dead set on wearing a skirt I would let him.

Telling him he’s wrong to want to wear “girls” clothes and other gender stereotyping is in part to blame for the increase in children identifying as trans.

Crazykatie · 29/08/2022 19:23

Just another excuse to be bullied, he wears what all the others wear at school, and I would not have encouraged him at home either, when he is18 he can please himself.

I did go to see “Boy in a dress” at the theatre, very amusing, even the headmaster ended up in a dress, fiction, real life is much harsher.

tillytoodles1 · 04/09/2022 20:27

No matter how old he gets or how he turns out, he will always be remembered as the boy who wore a skirt at school.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 03/10/2022 14:01

How is your son getting on with his skirt at school?

Cillery · 03/10/2022 14:22

There is a time to put a foot down with the kids and tell them that some things are not appropriate even in this do as you like society.