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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

How can I support my son if he wants to wear a skirt to school?

190 replies

BarkhamBelle · 23/08/2022 18:29

My 10yo son has decided he wants to wear skirts. I bought him one for at home, which he has barely taken off as he loves it. Now he has asked me to buy him a skirt for school for the new term. He says it's because he likes the way it looks and the way it feels. I am fully in support of him wearing whatever he is comfortable with, but I am so worried about him being teased or bullied at school (he's quite sensitive and we've had problems before with his friendships at school). How can we best support him? I feel really out of my depth and scared I will not handle this right, so looking for any advice or similar experiences please.... Thanks

OP posts:
abovedecknotbelow · 23/08/2022 18:51

Fucks sake. You say no. He follows uniform policy and can wear whatever he wants the rest of the time.

HarrietSchulenberg · 23/08/2022 18:53

It's good practice for schools to offer the skirt or trousers to all pupils regardless of sex or gender preference, but check your school's uniform policy first to be sure. What does he plan to wear underneath it as girls' tights aren't usually a great fit on boys' nether regions, so he needs to think about that.

Make sure he is fully aware that his choice might attract unkind comments from other children. Ask him how he would feel if that happened and how he would deal with it.

If he does want to go ahead and wear a skirt, and it's within school policy, you need to consider whether he is mature and confident enough to do it. He can, of course, make his own choices but you are the one who'll pick up the pieces if it doesn't go as well as he hopes, so you need to help him decide if this is a workable choice or not.

If he does wear a skirt, please give his teacher a heads up beforehand so she/he can be prepared.

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 23/08/2022 18:55

God, this replies on thread are depressing. OP, I do agree however that the first step is to check to school uniform policy and speak to the head about it.

My daughter's school has a gender neutral uniform policy and she wears trousers or skirts with no issues. Boys should be able to do the same. Of course you need to prepare your child for how the other children might react and that they may tease him but you can support him by helping him make this decision himself with an understanding of the possible consequences. Not telling him he can't express himself because of bullies. Where would we be if no one ever went against the grain?

SirChenjins · 23/08/2022 18:57

Children like wearing all kinds of things at home - that doesn’t mean they should be allowed to wear them to school.

The teacher can prepare the class all they like - the teasing will happen and he doesn’t sound like he’s robust enough to deal with that. What’s his reasons for wanting to wear it beyond ‘I like it’?

Totalcredence · 23/08/2022 18:57

If he is sensitive and has had trouble with friendships I would be very cautious about allowing this. It’s not like he is a confident, popular kid who can style this out.

I would be absolutely frank with him about what this would mean in terms of bullying/ friendship. Even if the school were supportive, the best they could do is watch out for overt bullying. They can’t stop him being frozen out of friendship groups.

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 18:57

He will get teased by his peers, I daresay, but not so much if the school has prepared the class
Why in the name of God should the school do that? Hmm

JaninaDuszejko · 23/08/2022 18:58

The easiest way to make sure he doesn't get teased is to send him in trousers.

DD1 got an asymmetric bob when she was about that age and likes wearing trousers. Both within the school rules and she was not unique but she constantly got comments from children and adults 'are you trans, are you a boy'. Even though in theory it's more socially acceptable for girls to wear trousers it still provokes comments. And even now she's 14 and clearly female she has to constantly correct people and tell them she's a girl.

Marcipex · 23/08/2022 18:58

I think some kids won’t care. The kinder, more mature kids will accept it, but it is no use pretending that bullies don’t exist.

I think some schools are getting round it by having a trousers only policy, where girls aren’t allowed to wear skirts.

SirChenjins · 23/08/2022 18:59

Exactly - because teachers really haven’t got enough to do 🙄

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 18:59

Now suddenly the thread is filling up with accounts of skirt wearing school boys 🤔

LaFemmeNicola · 23/08/2022 19:01

@HarrietSchulenberg

It's good practice for schools to offer the skirt or trousers to all pupils regardless of sex or gender preference.

Really? Good practice according to whom?

Jojobees · 23/08/2022 19:01

There are several boys ( who identify as male) who wear skirts at DS’s secondary school. As far as DS knows no one mocks them. Not openly any way.
If he wants to wear a skirt, let him.

LaFemmeNicola · 23/08/2022 19:02

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 23/08/2022 18:55

God, this replies on thread are depressing. OP, I do agree however that the first step is to check to school uniform policy and speak to the head about it.

My daughter's school has a gender neutral uniform policy and she wears trousers or skirts with no issues. Boys should be able to do the same. Of course you need to prepare your child for how the other children might react and that they may tease him but you can support him by helping him make this decision himself with an understanding of the possible consequences. Not telling him he can't express himself because of bullies. Where would we be if no one ever went against the grain?

Well we’d have fewer women being raped in prisons, for one thing.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 23/08/2022 19:02

Doubt it will be that big a deal tbh 🤷‍♀️

whosaidtha · 23/08/2022 19:03

My worry would be that he would be mocked and that would put him off wearing skirts altogether, including at home, even though he enjoys it. I wouldn't allow it just yet.

Soontobe60 · 23/08/2022 19:03

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 18:59

Now suddenly the thread is filling up with accounts of skirt wearing school boys 🤔

Sounds like social contagion!

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 19:05

Soontobe60 · 23/08/2022 19:03

Sounds like social contagion!

Show quote history

😂

Soontobe60 · 23/08/2022 19:07

Cue sad photo of a parent and son in a school skirt with a sad face under the headline ‘sexist uniform rules at local high school’ in the Sun newspaper.

jays · 23/08/2022 19:07

He genuinely said …. it’s because he loves the way it looks and loves the way it feels? Seriously? Yeah send him in with a skirt. 👍 give me peace here. Honestly.

CupboardOfThings · 23/08/2022 19:08

Years ago, about 4?, a boy in ds class wore a skirt in primary. No one blinked, but he was a very extroverted child anyway.
Last September my elder NB (born male) child walked down the stairs in a skirt to go to school, hadnt even discussed it with us, borrowed it from a friend. We didnt care, no one at school cared either. (They now wear skirts regularly) BUT they were in the last years of secondary so a bit of a different example.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 23/08/2022 19:08

No way would i let my son wear a skirt to school.

Even if it's a short lived idea, the other kids at school will never let him forget it.

ChandlersDad · 23/08/2022 19:12

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 18:59

Now suddenly the thread is filling up with accounts of skirt wearing school boys 🤔

Mines true. Naice middle class super selective rather than an inner city comp, but true.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 23/08/2022 19:12

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 18:59

Now suddenly the thread is filling up with accounts of skirt wearing school boys 🤔

Yeah, I don't buy it either. 🤔

Wheresmymoneytree · 23/08/2022 19:13

At some point years ago, a girl wanted to wear trousers to school.

How is this different?

My school is quite accepting of kids that chose to be different, we aren’t strict on uniform and kids expressing themselves and people wouldn’t bat an eyelid. It’s a shame others aren’t more like it.

I would sit him down and explain how other kids might react and how he would feel about that, how he can handle it and leave the decision with him. All kids are individuals, why stop that to make them conform.

LadyApplejack · 23/08/2022 19:14

The best thing you can do for him is to say no. Cruel to be kind applies here.

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