How can I support my son if he wants to wear a skirt to school?

[BarkhamBelle]

My 10yo son has decided he wants to wear skirts. I bought him one for at home, which he has barely taken off as he loves it. Now he has asked me to buy him a skirt for school for the new term. He says it's because he likes the way it looks and the way it feels. I am fully in support of him wearing whatever he is comfortable with, but I am so worried about him being teased or bullied at school (he's quite sensitive and we've had problems before with his friendships at school). How can we best support him? I feel really out of my depth and scared I will not handle this right, so looking for any advice or similar experiences please.... Thanks

I'd like to add one more thing. I don't think a boy showing an interest in wearing a skirt means him being LGBT. I may be naive but I think it could be a genuine curiosity.

And you know when they got put on the list, do you? Youv seen the plethora of forms they have filled and know when they were completed and posted?Awesome. They have been waiting for ages. This is not a new thing. At 16 they became medically independent. They applied then, pretty much within a week. I am not bullshitting. I have recently paid for a letter of confirmation from the GP regarding their transition. We have had to apply for new passport, ID card, Confirmed that their NI number doesn't need to change, so they could get their first job, have submitted the name change deed poll. I am not going to post 'evidence' on the internet of my child's transition, but I have no reason to lie, and have no interest in proving myself to random internet strangers. I am simply sharing my experience, which is what this forum is for.

What we do know is that the Tavistock has been forcibly closed due to safeguarding concerns.

again, I am passing on details of what the GP has said to my child. They saw the news of the closure and due to their ASD went into a bit of a spiral about it and contacted their GP.

That's not the right comparison.

Can girls wear school uniform trousers at this school? If so, then boys must be able to wear school uniform skirts.

There is nothing inherently "girl" about a skirt. It is just a particular cultural norm. If you live in a city, chances are there will be children from many other cultures in that school.

The school should not tolerate any bullying for perceived difference.

There is a risk that well meaning but misinformed (or possibly downright sexist & homophobic) people will assume he identifies as a girl and guide him towards an ideology which suggests he needs to alter his body simply because he doesn't conform to male stereotypes.

Keep conversation easy so that you will know if this, or regular bullying, is happening.

Have experienced similar (not identical) with my own child. Very "mixed" school. Very positive experience.

It’s an artefact of their parents issues.

I really can’t believe that anyone would want their child sent there for sterilisation.

Compassion bypass, people are having a long drawn out nightmare, it's not fun and is not their fault.

ASD.... what a surprise. 😔

Yes, for girls.

Our secondary school does not specify boys or girls uniforms. That said, for the Op child, as they are younger, perhaps this is a place to start looking on the website so you know if your school does or not.

I'm not sure the comparison is "wrong", tbh.

It was in response to If you tell him he must suppress himself, I'm sure he'll follow your advice, but his personality and self expression will be all the weaker for it
Why assume this massive blow to his entire personality and self esteem will come from not being allowed to wear a skirt, while another child might be told they have to wear black shoes instead of the light up trainers they prefer and have to suck it up without issue?
Ridiculous hyperbole.

And yes, ASD. Not remotely surprising, unfortunately.

Hmm.

He doesn't have unsupervised access to the internet does he? Gaming sites or discord or anything?

I'd talk about it with him, I definitely wouldn't encourage it (self confessed TERF), but if you think he's definitely not being influenced by anyone else pushing an agenda I'd possibly buy him a kilt and tell him that's it's for wearing at home, but not at school.

I don't believe in gender nonsense but if he's sensitive and possibly has something sensory happening I think a kilt might be a compromise.

Your secondary school probably doesn't specify whether items of uniform are for boys or girls because they expect parents to be reasonable people who don't need everything spelling out to them, and who naturally assume that skirts are for the girls.

Yes, a bit strange both that the PP didn’t know this, and also that despite the appalling practices there that are leading to it being forced to close that they claim that they still want to send them there.

This.

Jesus... . You'd think some posters were schoolchildren themselves. "But it didn't say that, Miss. How was I to know?"

I knew, I also had no choice, they put in their own referral and told me afterward. As I sad, they became medically independent, and it was still operating as normal at that point.

OP talk to school first, especially in terms of equality and inclusion. I would encourage your DS to be himself. Honestly although i think a lot of kids won't get why he wants to do it I don't think the reaction will be as terrible as some posters would have you believe.

My DS had a session at school about a boy who wanted to wear a dress at age 6-7 (think there was a book and discussion - we certainly also talked about it at home). My DS reaction was that he wouldn't want to wear a dress but if other people wanted to, it was OK and they definitely shouldn't be made to feel bad about it

ANd I said tavi as a shorthand for where they are at. As it is up in the air as pointed out.

You support him by taking him shopping and buying a skirt he likes that fits uniform requirements and fits him properly!

He needs to know he has your support anything else will basically tell him it's not OK to be himself

How is being himself predicated on wearing a skirt?

Good. I like this move towards skirts being for everyone. Hate that so-called gender neutral style tends to just mean default (typical) male.

Quite!

This O. And I would like to believe kids are more tolerant these days about "crossing" the gender boundaries (I use gender here as in the social norms and expectations for women and men)

You say ‘no’. And let him wear his skirt in the privacy of your home for now- that’s enough and gives him the acceptance he will want.