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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

How can I support my son if he wants to wear a skirt to school?

190 replies

BarkhamBelle · 23/08/2022 18:29

My 10yo son has decided he wants to wear skirts. I bought him one for at home, which he has barely taken off as he loves it. Now he has asked me to buy him a skirt for school for the new term. He says it's because he likes the way it looks and the way it feels. I am fully in support of him wearing whatever he is comfortable with, but I am so worried about him being teased or bullied at school (he's quite sensitive and we've had problems before with his friendships at school). How can we best support him? I feel really out of my depth and scared I will not handle this right, so looking for any advice or similar experiences please.... Thanks

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 19:14

ChandlersDad · 23/08/2022 19:12

Mines true. Naice middle class super selective rather than an inner city comp, but true.

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Oh, now I believe you. Wouldn't happen at an inner city comp...
Ffs! Cop yourself on 🤣

SequinsandStilettos · 23/08/2022 19:16

Like a pp, I have a DD teased for haircut and trousers but she does not care. My DS, on the other hand, would not manage. When wanting pink for non uniform day, he had a t shirt with pink/purple/green illustration instead. Kids are woke, sure, but still merciless. In secondary, a pupil I am aware of, who wants to identify differently, has changed their name and has a ponytail but they do not wear a skirt. Trousers are unisex.

BlackLambAndGreyFalcon · 23/08/2022 19:18

In an ideal world boys could wear skirts and girls could wear shorts/trousers and neither clothing choice would be worthy of note or comment. In the real world whilst the latter is generally acceptable (my dd has never worn a dress or a skirt in her entire school career), the former is not. If your DS has a thick enough skin to deal with the resulting comments and stares (and assuming it is actually allowed by the uniform policy) I'd support him to do it, but otherwise I would think twice. It shouldn't have to be this way, but unfortunately it is.

There was a boy a couple of years ahead of DD in school who wore skirts and I was in awe of his confidence to just crack on with it. As far as I am aware he wasn't trans. A boy in a skirt is just that - a boy in a skirt expressing his clothing preferences - it certainly doesn't change his sex.

Skelligsfeathers · 23/08/2022 19:20

So your sensitive 10 year old who has had problems with friendships in the past wants to wear a skirt to school and you don't know what to do?
Really?
You say no. Rightly or wrongly, in our society , skirts are for women unless they are kilts or the wearer is old enough to face the consequences.

Allowing this would be like sending him to school with a kick me sign on his back.

OriginalUsername2 · 23/08/2022 19:22

“Rules are rules, kid! I like the way my onesie feels but I have to wear my uniform to work, unfortunately!”

itispersonal · 23/08/2022 19:23

I think let him where the skirt, but build in resilience and make him aware that people will probably make comments about it and there will be stares, so he can bat off any criticism/ mockery.

We had a much younger child at school come in a pinafore and the children made comments as isn't still the norm but we reiterate that children can wear whatever clothes they like, they are still them!

I am GC but think both sexes should wear the clothes they are comfortable in, obviously I don't do gender or believe wearing x or y, changes your sex.

OriginalUsername2 · 23/08/2022 19:25

Bluebells12 · 23/08/2022 18:38

You can either:

(a) indulge him and let him wear it to school, where he’ll be much mocked and, no matter what he decides and does later, he will always be that boy who wore a skirt, or:

(b) you can educate him that school has a uniform policy and traditions that are about showing respect and conformity to the group’s social norms.

I would like to wear my pyjamas to work (they’re really comfy!) but I don’t, because of social norms and traditions. I would bloody love to walk around in nothing but my knickers in a heatwave, but I don’t, because of social norms and traditions. I would like to swim and work out naked, but I don’t.

Perfectly put!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/08/2022 19:26

I'd be talking mine out of it . Kids can be ruthless! My 11 year old year 6 has kids taking the mick because his hair is longer than the usual short back and sides they all have .

GeorgeorRuth · 23/08/2022 19:27

Uniform policy is first step, second step is to sit him down and point out that while in an ideal world he can wear what he wants, it's not an ideal world.
If he chooses to wears skirts to school he is choosing to be a potential target. He needs to understand that its likely he will be picked on and there will repercussions potentially for a long time and he will have to ride it out, not complaining about bullying.

Then explain that conforming in school is a better idea and he can wear the skirts at home.

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 23/08/2022 19:30

Jojobees · 23/08/2022 19:01

There are several boys ( who identify as male) who wear skirts at DS’s secondary school. As far as DS knows no one mocks them. Not openly any way.
If he wants to wear a skirt, let him.

Is it Scotland and are they kilts? otherwise I don't believe you.

ChandlersDad · 23/08/2022 19:30

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 19:14

Oh, now I believe you. Wouldn't happen at an inner city comp...
Ffs! Cop yourself on 🤣

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No idea what ‘cop yourself on means’ but you don’t think it might be more likely at a naice grammar than an inner city comp??

Cop yourself on. Probably.

CupboardOfThings · 23/08/2022 19:31

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 23/08/2022 19:30

Is it Scotland and are they kilts? otherwise I don't believe you.

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Not being arsey, but can I ask why you don't believe it? This is literally the section for trans children?

Soontobe60 · 23/08/2022 19:34

CupboardOfThings · 23/08/2022 19:31

Not being arsey, but can I ask why you don't believe it? This is literally the section for trans children?

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What’s your definition of ‘trans children”?

Johnnysgirl · 23/08/2022 19:36

The section for trans children??

vroom321 · 23/08/2022 19:36

My daughter hates wearing the formal / straight trousers. She wants to wear tighter/ leggings I just say no it's not uniform. Surely no one likes wearing uniform but it's there so no one is picked on for not having named / fashionable clothing. It will defeat the point won't it?

MissMaple82 · 23/08/2022 19:37

Why? Just why!

Mollymalone123 · 23/08/2022 19:37

Explain he’s fine to wear it at home-at10 years old in my view it’s not ok to wear a skirt to school.As others have said-if in a few years time and he’s definitely not jumped headlong into the fad of being transgender, then maybe that’s the time to wear a skirt.
Hopefully in a few years all this bloody nonsense of every high schooler being anything but boy or girl will have blown over and the next trend will come along.

for the minute minority that are genuinely transgender at least there will be acceptance

MissMaple82 · 23/08/2022 19:38

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 23/08/2022 18:55

God, this replies on thread are depressing. OP, I do agree however that the first step is to check to school uniform policy and speak to the head about it.

My daughter's school has a gender neutral uniform policy and she wears trousers or skirts with no issues. Boys should be able to do the same. Of course you need to prepare your child for how the other children might react and that they may tease him but you can support him by helping him make this decision himself with an understanding of the possible consequences. Not telling him he can't express himself because of bullies. Where would we be if no one ever went against the grain?

No they shouldn't be able to do the same, boys don't wear skirts!

MissAmbrosia · 23/08/2022 19:39

You just say no. It's easy.

PeekAtYou · 23/08/2022 19:39

I wouldn't send a sensitive boy to school in a dress.
A confident boy can cope with questions like is he gay/trans and shake off sniggering and whispering.
If he changes his mind and goes to secondary with these kids then it will become something that will be brought up. (Teen boys like teasing and "banter" ime)

TwoNightStand · 23/08/2022 19:40

As long as he understands that he may be teased and he understands that he’ll always be a boy and isn’t linking clothes to all this gender nonsense, let him.

Doyoumind · 23/08/2022 19:42

It's quite simple. You tell him no. Whatever the rights and wrongs of it, you as the adult know the outcome for him would be bad if he went to school in a skirt at the age of 10.

Interested to see that this is your first post.

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh · 23/08/2022 19:42

If the boys have decided they are transgender at our school then they can wear skirts - the school don't have a leg to stand on as they have supported names and pronouns. If the OP's son is not trans then no, and 10 is really young, young enough to just make your case stronger.

JaneJeffer · 23/08/2022 19:43

Ask the school, not Mumsnet.

JulioVonMatterhorn · 23/08/2022 19:44

onelittlefrog · 23/08/2022 18:48

I would talk to his teacher about it and ensure there are processes in place around bullying and how they would support him if he were to be teased. Also talk to him about the fact that he might get some funny looks etc. so that he is prepared. If I was happy that any teasing/ bullying wouldn't be tolerated, I would let him do it.

Some of the most confident, well-rounded people I know have been brave enough to do things against social norms and come out the other side of teasing and bullying as much stronger individuals, sure of who they are, and confident.

As a parent your job is to support him to become who he wants to be - it is society that has a problem, not your son. He might have to face a bit of teasing but if he has a stable base at home, he will be able to, and he will feel validated for who he is.

If you tell him he must suppress himself, I'm sure he'll follow your advice, but his personality and self expression will be all the weaker for it.

Your choice, really.

I completely agree, and am disappointed in the majority of replies.