School report calling daughter 'he' feels like a bereavement

[Peterbear]

Can anyone help me deal with this.
Dd in year 9 presenting as Male and says she is none binary. I'm trying to be open minded and supportive - have let her sked me to use they/them - which I am going to try to do (I know I'm using she right now!)
Just had her report and it's crap but more upsetting to me is the use of 'he' in it. I've been sat here sobbing - I'm really happy to support my child to be whatever they want but I'm struggling to deal with what feels to me like grief.
I have massive reservations about the current climate and lack of discussion-between both 'sides'.
Mostly though my 'daughter' no longer exists and I don't know how to deal with that. Googled but all info very polarised. Anyone any experience/wise words. Be kind plz . Thanks

The first. Which is why I've given up on educating you.

I agree it's a waste of your time to "educate" me. I've done it myself.

I’m sorry I don’t know what I would do in your situation. I think I would have to be honest and say that ‘trying on’ different experiences or thoughts is perfectly fine, however I wouldn’t be comfortable enabling such a big change at 14 years old by saying that I thought her sex was actually changed, because I don’t believe that.

I’d want to keep to close to my child, and I do feel that can happen without letting them totally lead. You must still love and care for your child? So keep doing a lot of that and try not to make it the central issue between you?

Because it makes them uncomfortable. That's what dysphoria is: discomfort over words related to gender. It has nothing to do with gender stereotypes

You do realise that gender stereotypes are quite literally made out of “words related to gender”?

“Girls like pink” / “she likes dolls” / “Women should be kind” / “Be a good girl” / “Women should serve men” / “Sugar and spice and all things nice, that’s what little girls are made of”.

All gender stereotypes, all made up of words relating to gender.

If you don’t realise they are the same thing, you need to do a little bit of harder thinking. Language doesn’t come in a special “stereotype mode” that’s separate from “pronoun mode”. They are part of the same linguistic system. Use a “word relating to gender” and it comes along with a preexisting set of ideas, aka known as a stereotype. That’s the entire point of why the “gender dysphoric” feel uncomfortable with it.

HTH. You’re welcome. 👍

Dd in year 9 presenting as Male and says she is none binary.

We're all "non-binary" in hat most people are gender non-conforming in some way.

Non-binary but using male pronouns etc when she's female is so so regressive: it's assuming that presenting as male is neutral and that male is the default human position. Very sexist.

But - you are where you are.

Contact Genspect and Transgender Trend for support, advice, and resources

genspect.org/

www.transgendertrend.com/

Both organisations are coalitions of therapists, parents and transgender people.

And the podcast "Gender: a wider Lens" might also help. The two therapists discuss aspects of what you and your daughter are going through, and offer some useful insights. They are wonderfully compassionate

gender-a-wider-lens.captivate.fm/

"That’s the entire point of why the “gender dysphoric” feel uncomfortable with it."
No it isn't. A trans woman doesn't feel uncomfortable (or at least not only) being called a man because they're not stereotypically manly. God are you ignorant.

Oh dear. @Iambecomethequeen you really are revealing that you are finding it very difficult to understand complex ideas.

Its bullshit isnt it OP.

A trans woman doesn't feel uncomfortable (or at least not only) being called a man because they're not stereotypically manly

So you speak on behalf of the beliefs and feelings of all transwomen??

Wow

OP I am just so sorry you are having to deal with all this worry with your dd. I have known trans students who have used a binder, had hormone blockers but then left school, where their peers encourage it all, and then change to heir minds. I saw a prior student about 4 months ago with a all baby. She stopped to chat to me. In Sixth Form she had a binder, shaved head, insisted she was a he, used a male name and was intent on having hormone blockers. She told me she met her partner and wanted to be female again.

I present as evidence for the prosecution the very feminine and utterly fabulous John MacLean

instagram.com/lordmaclean?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

And on the other hand Danielle Muscato.

grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/danielle-muscato-grifter-supreme

Gender is a social construct - play away. Love it.

Gender identity is ego and ideology.

Be more Lord MacLean! She's fabulous. (And that is misgendering. John goes by he, but they are my pronouns not hers)