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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

Binding

184 replies

hartof · 08/04/2022 22:25

My DD who is currently 14, told us in June 2020 she thought she was transgender. She had always been a "tomboy" we let her dress how she wanted. At the time I said nothing needed ti change as she can make herself look however she wants but we would t change anything hormonally until she was older.

She has never asked us to call her by another name, or refer to her as they or him.
She had her hair cut short later that year and last year we found a great barber who takes it shorter and makes her look amazing.

On Sunday she sent me a link to a binding bra, I don't know if I should say yes or no. I have no idea how it will affect her, but at this point I'm sure it's not a phase and this is how she sees herself. Any advice is dearly received.

( she/we have had no counselling she gets uncomfortable when I ask her questions ie when people have referred to her as male I asked if it bothers her and she won't answer me)

OP posts:
Iambecomethequeen · 09/04/2022 09:43

You should see a physiotherapist to get the best size and make sure there are no particular complications. Binding is safe IF:

  • You buy one with the appropriate measurements.
  • You don't sleep or exercise in it.
  • You don't wear it for more than 8 hours straight.

You should say yes, because it's what makes her comfortable and I can tell you it took her a lot of courage to ask you that. Moreover, saying no runs the risk of her binding with bandages, which is really not safe.
Good luck!

Clymene · 09/04/2022 09:49

Known health risks associated with chest binding include compressed or broken ribs, punctured or collapsed lungs, back pain, compression of the spine, damaged breast tissue, damaged blood vessels, blood clots, inflamed ribs and heart attacks. Link to article here.
A recent study has been conducted to assess the health impact of chest binding in the transgender community. Of the 1800 participants with experience of binding, 51.5% reported daily binding. Over 97% reported at least one of 28 negative outcomes attributed to binding. Compression methods associated with symptoms were commercial binders (20/28), elastic bandages (14/28) and duct tape or plastic wrap (13/28). Larger chest size was primarily associated with dermatological problems.
Chest binding results in difficulties in breathing so will affect levels of activity and overall health in females who choose to bind their breasts. Schools in the UK have been advised to offer longer P.E. breaks to accommodate this. Link here.

It's not safe.

LeavesOnTrees · 09/04/2022 09:50

Personally it would be a no way from me. It's more important she accepts her body as it is.
Also she may regret the long term damage she's doing to herself.

Sexnotgender · 09/04/2022 09:52

Personally I would say no.

DrDetriment · 09/04/2022 09:55

Absolutely not. Breast binding has many health issues associated with it. It sounds like she is struggling with many issues and would benefit from safe, supportive, non-trans focused counselling.

Iambecomethequeen · 09/04/2022 10:03

Also, forgot to point out 2 things:

  • You should really ask doctors for medical advice.
  • If you ask anything trans related on Mumsnet, 90% of what you'll get is fearmongering. That's the climate on the platform.
Clymene · 09/04/2022 10:08

@Iambecomethequeen

Also, forgot to point out 2 things:
  • You should really ask doctors for medical advice.
  • If you ask anything trans related on Mumsnet, 90% of what you'll get is fearmongering. That's the climate on the platform.
Right-o. So medical studies and evidence are 'fear-mongering' are they?

Do you believe the earth is flat too?

SpaceJamtart · 09/04/2022 10:40

As long as it fits well and and she doesnt sleep in it or wear it for more that 8 hrs at a time it is okay and is much better than other things like duct tape and bandages that she might experiment with if she hasn't got any safer options.

You could try having it for wearing with certain outfits like tight shirts that might make her feel uncoforta le otherwise; or just for when she's out with friends so when she is in the house she doesn't wear it.

You could also try those sports bras that are shaped with no seperate cups and look like the top part af a sports swimming costume, ut are firmer and tighter. As these are less restrictive and still supportive and also may give her some of the flattening effect she is looking for.

Its really nice that she trusts you enough to come to you to ask.

Nowayhozay · 09/04/2022 10:55

You sound very sensible and are coming across as level headed and supportive which is fantastic.
My child is Trans but m2f so I really don't have any practical advice to offer binding.

Im afraid that you are not going to get very balanced advice here.

savehannah · 09/04/2022 10:57

@Iambecomethequeen

Also, forgot to point out 2 things:
  • You should really ask doctors for medical advice.
  • If you ask anything trans related on Mumsnet, 90% of what you'll get is fearmongering. That's the climate on the platform.
I asked my GP to talk to my dd about binders and she admitted she didn't even know what one was!!!!
Iambecomethequeen · 09/04/2022 11:28

Hi savehannah, I don't know how to quote your post yet. You're right, not every doctor knows about binders, which is why I recommended a physiotherapist and not a GP.

Iambecomethequeen · 09/04/2022 11:32

@Clymene I wasn't referring to your post specifically. Though it's worth noting that, as you said, most symptons come from unsafe methods of binding, which I warned OP about. Saying binding in general is unsafe because some people bind unsafely seems a bit misleading to me. I assume OP will do her research with actual doctors.

veronicagoldberg · 09/04/2022 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Iambecomethequeen · 09/04/2022 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted as it quotes a deleted post.

Sexnotgender · 09/04/2022 14:09

Lol, equating transgender people with transracial trolls

Why is transgender ok but transracial is not?

mudgetastic · 09/04/2022 14:11

8 hours a day - so she goes to school then out with her mates -12 hrs ?

No child will stick to 8 hrs a day especially if ( based on my feelings at that age) what she wants is to squash the things out of existence

mudgetastic · 09/04/2022 14:12

Sports bras also have the 8 hr guidance

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 09/04/2022 14:14

Those saying binding is safe do you have any links to credible evidence of this please?

Babdoc · 09/04/2022 14:21

If your DD was self harming in any other way, you would be seeking an urgent psych referral. Why is wanting to crush her breasts any different?
Has she had any counselling, to explore whether she is actually simply gay, or having difficulty coming to terms with puberty?

HouseOfGoldandBones · 09/04/2022 14:41

OP, I'm glad your child trusts you to come to you for help.

I think your best bet would be to try to find some unbiased advice.

Some of the advice you've received so far wouldn't fall within that.

In the meantime, could you buy her a sports bra? But do bear in mind that the advice is that they should only be worn for a maximum of 8 hours per day.

DrDetriment · 09/04/2022 14:42

@Babdoc

If your DD was self harming in any other way, you would be seeking an urgent psych referral. Why is wanting to crush her breasts any different? Has she had any counselling, to explore whether she is actually simply gay, or having difficulty coming to terms with puberty?
This.
Clymene · 09/04/2022 14:46

[quote Iambecomethequeen]@Clymene I wasn't referring to your post specifically. Though it's worth noting that, as you said, most symptons come from unsafe methods of binding, which I warned OP about. Saying binding in general is unsafe because some people bind unsafely seems a bit misleading to me. I assume OP will do her research with actual doctors.[/quote]
The survey I linked to of 1,800 young women who bind their breasts reported that 97% had negative health outcomes. Most of them wear a commercially made binder.

Binding developing breasts damages the tissue. It's dangerous and unhealthy

Iambecomethequeen · 09/04/2022 14:50

@mudgetastic

8 hours a day - so she goes to school then out with her mates -12 hrs ?

No child will stick to 8 hrs a day especially if ( based on my feelings at that age) what she wants is to squash the things out of existence

She probably eventually wants them gone. If OP tells her that wearing it unsafely might cause problems or make it impossible to get top surgery, which is true, that might convince her.

Also, if OP's daughter tries to bind anyway, 12 hours with a binder is still better than 12 h with bandage wraps.

PrelateChuckles · 09/04/2022 14:51

Have you asked why she wants her chest to be flatter?
Will she not get called transphobic if she so openly associates being a boy with having an "assigned male at birth" (ie male) body? (Assuming that is why she's doing it).

Iambecomethequeen · 09/04/2022 14:54

@Babdoc

If your DD was self harming in any other way, you would be seeking an urgent psych referral. Why is wanting to crush her breasts any different? Has she had any counselling, to explore whether she is actually simply gay, or having difficulty coming to terms with puberty?
True. OP, you should ask your daughter if she would like to see a therapist, of course LGBTfriendly. If she says no, ask her why.