Nonbinary Lesbian Answering Questions

[ash2301]

Hi- I'm a nonbinary lesbian teen, and I want to help answer parents' questions about their LGBT+ kids/any other questions you have. Please be respectful, but there's no such thing as a stupid question

Not like the other girls, you know.

OP, once upon a time, women would have been more deferential towards people with a worldview like yours.

But we’ve seen where that gets us - women’s rights being sacrificed on the altar of genderism and corporations colluding in that.

So that would explain why you’ve not had the easy ride you might have been hoping for on here.

OP you don’t appear to be answering many questions and where you have you haven’t @ mentioned the person who asked the question so they don’t know you have responded to them. Please use @[username] when responding to a question. Thanks!

OP why do you wish you had a penis? Do you watch porn by any chance?

If so don’t. Porn is not real, it’s abusive to females, damaging to males and there’s nothing positive or realistic about it. So-called lesbian porn is nothing more than wank fodder for straight men and bares precisely fuck all resemblance to real lesbian sex or relationships. If I can give you one piece of useful advice, and I could give you lots, it’s to stay the fuck away from porn and anyone who enjoys watching it. It’ll fuck your head up and their attitude to sex and women will fuck your head, and your body up.

Also, men are pretty shit at sex, in general, especially the ones who watch porn. They get to come once and that’s their lot, plus most of them struggle to control themselves so sex is disappointingly brief.

Do some research about your female body, it’s amazing. Having a piss might be a bit more labour intensive but apart from that we get all the good stuff, apart from periods obviously, because none of us like those, but having a cock really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either. men are obsessed with their cocks’, but they’re never happy with their own, are they?

Educate yourself a bit before coming on here telling a bunch of adult women what is what. One thing I’ve come to realise as I’ve got older is that most of the things I was told by older women about life is true.Granted a lot of it is sexist bullshit and I’ve had to navigate my own way through that, as have they for that matter, but chances are, if lots of older women are telling you something, they’re probably right. We’ve been around the block a few times.

I do feel for OP.

I cringe at a lot of the stuff I did or thought was 'cool' as a teen. I also read the stuff I wrote on here, MN, 14 years ago and it's unbelievable how much I have changed over the course of my late 20s/30s.

I don't think it's helped by all the midia hype and TRA fodder out there on the twttersphere/tumblr etc... Its a little bubble and then OP comes here and hears some home truths from grown women who have lived and it stings.

OP my advice would be to read each response carefully and definitely look at breaking gender roles more closely as opposed to shunning your femininity.

You can still be YOU, just a more genuine version. And an ally to women.

Male orgasm is a pale shadow of the female one OP. Ask your mum/ birth giver about The Waterboys' song The Whole of the Moon - sums it up. Having a penis would deny you 95% of what you have the potential to feel presently.

OP is a teenager or very young woman and she's swallowed a load of bullshit about herself and her place in the world. That's not her fault. I don't feel angry with her but with the brainless academics pushing the 'sex is a spectrum' nonsense and the activists who have empowered the narcissism movement knows as trans activism for corporate dollar.

OP you've been hoodwinked. You're 100% female through and through and that's it. Female isn't an identity. If hearing words gives you a panic attack then you need therapy and exposure, not to be protected from ever hearing those words. Hiding from the type of views you're hearing on this thread isn't a good thing for your mental health.

I could cry. OP I hope you have continuing mental health support, even though you've "gone through the system", because you don't sound healthy if you can be "triggered into panic attacks" simply by other people's language usage. You need help to build up some resilience and deal with your reactions because as numerous other posters have pointed out, it is simply not possible to police or control what other people say. And no one even wants to live in a police state that would attempt to do that.

In recent months I've come to the acceptance that life is really really different from when I grew up and went through my teens - yes, lots of stuff is still the same: sexism, stereotypes, patriarchy, all that bad stuff. But there's more these days. Kids now seem to be growing up in an era without hope and optimism. I think that's the biggest difference.

And without that hope, that life (in general and also specifically their own) will get better as they grow up, they seem turn inwards and to this kind of pointless narcissistic gender identity crap.

That you fuckery, Empress and TERF because you give me hope that my own teenaged lesbian DDs well grow up and become sensible! Thank you fuckery for so eloquently describing the rejection I feel from my own kids when they have called me a bigot and a terf when defending women's rights in the face of their transgender-centric opinions (harmful misogynistic, gender-enforcing opinions IMO).

And once again thank you to the women of MN for your genuine kindness, sincerity and intelligent debate. Thank you for your fight.

"Actually it's disgusting that with all the problems in the world that we are facing - environmental catastrophe, political ridiculousness , much of the world hardly managing to feed themselves, people are deciding which percentages of themselves are male /female and getting offended about pronouns."

God, I couldn't agree more.

Over the past few weeks I've been wondering why I've even been giving this 'gender identity' crap any headspace at all. Why I've been discussing it, arguing about it online, reading up about it. It should be dismissed out f hand - not validated by discussion.

Not aimed specifically at OP - but in general at the whole naval-gazing "identifies as" - "a million and one genders" - movement. But it's high time this ridiculous, self-centred, insular, childish, me-me-me culture was called out for the BORING nonsense it is.

Yup. It makes me think of Marie Antoinette and her ridiculous extravagence in the face of people starving in the streets.

If you have the luxury of laying around inventing bizarre versions of yourself in your head you're definitely in the top 10% globally, if not 5%.

LemonGingerCakes "I’m confused. Do you have a penis?"

No, The OP is a biological woman, who 'identifies' as a woman (or 2/3...?) and gender neutral.

But calls herself a non-binary because she defines this as not being exclusively "male" or "female"...

The confusing thing is why OP uses female/woman and male/man interchangeably...

And then wonders why people get upset/angry/confused as to her very bizarre and made up definitions of words. It's OK for her to be upset/anxious/triggered by people calling her 'her'. but it's not OK for others to get upset at her choice of language... obvs.

Thank you fuckery, Empress and TERF because you give me hope that my own teenaged lesbian DDs well grow up and become sensible!

I came out during Section 28. In a world where you could phone the local Lesbian Line & be welcomed into a community full of lesbian pub nights, book clubs, bars, discussion groups etc and if a man told you he was a lesbian, everyone knew he was just a wanker who was trying it on. Stonewall were fighting for our rights, including our right to be out and proud as homosexual.

And even at their worst, Thatcher's government never pushed the idea that kids who weren't sufficiently close to social gender stereotypes should be put on dangerous drugs to stop their mental & physical development and then, once they were infertile adults with prepubescent bodies, be operated on to make them resemble the opposite sex.

OP, you have my sympathy because I would absolutely hate to be coming out now.

This non binary thing is nothing like people being gay, lesbian or trans.

Those groups of people know what they want and what they are and don't expect the world to conform and tread on eggs shells calling them 'they' and things like that.

A trans woman wants to be known as a woman. A trans man wants to be known as a man. Simple. I just cannot get on board with this bollocks of 'non binary' and taking serious offence to a word used in general language.

You are not non binary. You are a female that is a lesbian that doesn't like all totally female things. None of us do. Not all men like all male things either. You don't need a special label for it.

There is no such thing as feeling female. You don't wake up each day and say oh I'm a woman. You get on with your day and that's it. The same for a man.

A trans person feels they are not in the right body and want to be the opposite sex either fully (sex change) or partially by dressing as and being the opposite sex and sometimes that is enough for them, to be known socially and sometimes legally as the opposite sex. I have no issues there. They aren't asking me to do anything and if it makes them happy, then I'm happy.

However, don't expect me to stop using the terms he/she to suit you and your third not feeling female because it's just utter nonsense really. I like being called she but I don't partically like being called a girl, I prefer woman but it doesn't make me non binary. It makes me not like a certain word.

When you want the rest of the world to change how they say and do things to stop you getting offended, that's when the line has to be drawn

This is the YouTube and Instagram generation. All about the self and very narcissistic
When I was growing up we were looking out at the world. Joining groups to campaign for nuclear disarmament and a better world. Class analysis and rights
This new generation is all about the self and the individual. Too much naval gazing

From Greenham Common to this...

I would like to know:

What did they teach you at school about gender?
What have you read online about gender?
When did you first think you might not be 'all female' and why?
Do you think the human sexes male and female have a different definition from the animal sexes male and female? If so, why?

And finally,
How does this non-binary identity make you feel better about life, assuming it does? Do people treat you better, or does it cause greater angst in monitoring how they refer to you?

New question: OP, what sporting category do you think people who identify as nonbinary should compete in?

Agree with @AMAM8916, i was just wondering if i am 90% female 10% non binary because i never wear heels.. no. Im 100% female and there are no obligations to do anything in that.

I’m actually, literally 11% teenager because I have nicked my sons old hoodies and a pair of converse trainers (barely worn). But then I nicked a couple of jumpers from my husband, so that’s, what 9% middle aged man? Plus he’s a bit ‘forrin so that makes me 1/8th ME.

I don't think OP is coming back...

Some thinking to do I suppose.

In new-speak I'm a non-binary lesbian too, though not a teenage one. Not for a couple of years, anyway

I'd love to know what brought you to Mumsnet?

Oo I do have another question...

Many mners don't understand the "feeling like a woman" thing as they don't feel it.

As 2/3 of you does - in comparison to the 1/3 that you also experience which doesn't - could you explain what specifically "woman" feels like, as opposed to person?

i was just wondering if i am 90% female 10% non binary because i never wear heels

I’m now picturing you in a dress, with big hairy men feet. 🤣 Sorry.

I’m now identifying as an ill five year old, because I’ve just eaten my own body weight in chocolate. 🍫 🍫🍫🍫🍫 🤢

So what have we learnt from this informative thread?

That non-binary people are real.

That some people are confused about what the words male and female mean.

That feeling like a woman, even in part is a thing, but what that feeling feels like is yet unexplained.

That incorrect pronouns cause a panic response, but again, what that is linked to is unclear as it would seem rather ott as a reaction on its own.

That one can present in a typically feminine way but still be offended when others read them as performing feminine gender.

Are we any the wiser yet?