Nonbinary Lesbian Answering Questions

[ash2301]

Hi- I'm a nonbinary lesbian teen, and I want to help answer parents' questions about their LGBT+ kids/any other questions you have. Please be respectful, but there's no such thing as a stupid question

I find the whole gender identity thing really distasteful, ridiculous peacocking and oppression olympics from the most privileged people who have ever exsisted on the planet.

Oh, absolutely. Read this piece on gender identity by Raquel Rosario Sanchez, the feminist from the Dominican Republic who's currently being bullied in Bristol. It's brilliant. www.feministcurrent.com/2017/07/26/white-feminism-thing-gender-identity-ideology-epitomizes/

That is brilliant. Thanks Empress - I hadn't read that before

OP, thought you might like to read a piece from yesterday about the trend of young people using identity as a 'rebellious' fashion statement at school

When I was younger I was a goth and a mod. Must seem pretty old fashioned now, but I swore at the time that the olds just 'didn't understand'.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7526655/Schoolchildren-identifying-transgender-just-rebellious-former-headmistress-warns.html

I think OP has gone

My DS (now ftm) used to identify as non binary, but they grow out of it, a lot of ftm people were confused and id as nb.

Hi OP
I’m a woman in my late 30s in a same sex relationship. My colleague just texted me for advice for her friend whose 10 year old daughter has told their parents they fancy girls. What would you have liked your parents to say to you if you had come out at 10? I just told the parents to tell their daughter they loved her, reassure her, etc, but think they were looking for something else. I don’t know the family but get a sense they’re quite socially conservative. any advice from a young persons perspective for this child and her family could be helpful.

Thank you for answering these questions even the fact your willing to do it and receive hate is very brave (it doesnt matter what there biological gender is they are answering questions to help you how is you knowing there biological gender going to help?)

@ash2301 thank you for this thread. These ideas are not ones I grew up with, but your explanations have cleared up some of my confusion. My kids are almost teenagers, so I really appreciate knowing more about non binary etc. Thanks for your patience answering questions!

Male orgasm is a pale shadow of the female one OP.

How on earth could you possibly know this? Have you experienced a male orgasm? Do you know how an orgasm feels for every woman? Surely all you know is how it feels for you, not for every man and woman on earth?

This thread is so cringingly patronising it's unbelievable.

Sex is not 'assigned at birth', it is determined at conception and lasts a lifetime.

All lesbians are gender non conforming. To be gender conforming demands that you're heterosexual.

I'm sorry OP seems to have gone. I'm guessing she thought she was going to enlighten a bunch of out of touch old mums. But statements like:

Genitals are observed, but sex is assigned because it's a meaning that we add to those genitals.

Demonstrates that it's OP who is badly informed. She sounds so very young and inexperienced. But we've all been teenagers. It's a bugger.

If she's still reading the thread I'd like to say that I am concerned to hear that she has panic attacks over something as trivial/unimportant as pronouns. This suggests that her MH - and her sense of self - is very fragile, and I'd urge her to seek support urgently.

Good luck OP. Responses to this make me want to hang up my mumsnet boots after a decade. Mumsnet is not LGBTQ+ friendly these days.

Mumsnet is not LGBTQ+ friendly these days.

That's a very untrue and damaging statement. Many of the posters on this board and on MN in general are lesbian or bisexual.

Being concerned about medicalised "treatment" of non-gender-conforming children is not "transphobic" or bigotry.

Suggesting that a young woman who has panic attacks if they're referred to as she/her is anti-LGBTQIA++++++ - or anti-anything else - is ridiculous. It's pro-supporting someone with mental health difficulties.

If OP had been through the mental health services and was talking about binging and purging we wouldn't say "Ok sweetheart, you carry on".

It's not homophobic to tell a lesbian that other women, lesbians included, are still 100% women if they don't act like a porn actress, a 1950s housewife, or some combination of the two.

And it's neither homophobic nor trans phobic to ask someone who claims to be 2/3 female what being female is - because they've just stated they know, in order to know that 1/3 isn't!

my daughter is going through the same thing, she says she is attracted to gay women but doesn’t feel like a woman herself. she’s mentioned before she might be trans ftm but could she be non-binary?

@ellatalley31- it could be very possible! The best option would be to sit down with them and talk about it, make sure they know you're there for them and have a good dialogue around it. It's good to know you've got support, especially with a conversation so personal. I'm non binary btw :~) (also I didn't know how to refer to your daughter so used they)

hi @ellatalley31 it's great your daughter is talking to you about her feelings. Please be cautious with any assumptions that she may be trans because she fancies girls. Children are now taught that gender is an innate identity (like a soul) that can be born in the wrong body. Most girls who think the are ftm actually are just lesbians and realise this after puberty and in an environment that is accepting of homosexuality.

And there's nothing wrong with being a lesbian! Butch lesbians, feminine lesbians and anything in between. There is no such thing as 'feeling like a woman', especially as a teenager, unless she has diagnosable body disphoria. It's normal for girls to feel very uncomfortable going through puberty and discovering the unwanted attention of males. There has been a huge increase in referrals to the Tavistock due to teenage girls thinking that if they fancy girls they must be trans.

If you'd like more information on some of the issues around this and the importance of waiting and seeing how your daughter feels in a few months and years' time, please read this article from a Tavistock psychiatrist: quillette.com/2020/01/17/why-i-resigned-from-tavistock-trans-identified-children-need-therapy-not-just-affirmation-and-drugs/

Being trans is becoming very popular with teenagers and yet it should be entered into with great care. Hormonal treatment can cause infertility and permanent physical changes. There are currently no clinical trials on its safety.

There is masses of information on this site for parents with trans children, looking especially at the huge increase in teenages declaring they are trans and the influences around this: www.transgendertrend.com/

Please also speak to your daughter about her internet usage. There are forums on reddit where adults adopt trans children and this is a safeguarding risk. You can find a lot more information on the male-driven trans movement on the Feminism board of Mumsnet.

May also be worth asking the school if they are a Stonewall or Mermaids champion as they push trans ideology onto children instead of discussing what it means to be gay or lesbian.

Hope you and your daughter are doing well.

If people identify as non-binary does that simply that everyone else is binary, and therefore identifies with gender role expectations?
Being uncomfortable with gendered roles and aspects of your body is nothing new.
Its basically being pissed off at being stereotyped & sexualised.

Does ANY female feel 100% female all of the time? Aren’t we all non-binary if we start looking this closely? Or can we just be female and present our femininity or not however we want?

If you are female, then your feelings are female, by definition.
Whether they are stereotypical masculine or feminine binary feelings is a whole other ball game.
To me, hosting an ever-growing bubble of rage & frustration is how it feels to be female. The desire to fuck off and live by myself in a bunker is how it feels to be female.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis, it isn’t about gender stereotypes. I know femme afab non binary people and masc amab non binary people. It’s about the person you are inside and how you see yourself. This can include gender dysphoria but doesn’t always. It’s not about what roles you can or can’t do as a man or a woman - the trans and non binary people I know are the most chill people about stereotypes and roles. I’ve never felt like I was expected to be anything. I’m non binary btw

The 'look at me' wokeness is tedious.

I don't identify as male or female either. However my sex is female, so that's what I am. The identifying bit... in old money... is what we called personality.

ACatWhoBinds great by that definition I am also non-binary, and so is everyone I know.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis do you mean the gender dysphoria (if so, I feel for you 🧡) or not seeing yourselves as women? Not being facetious btw, sometimes it’s hard to tell on the internet :~)
@Tianalia It’s separate to my personality. Personality is a multifaceted thing. This is more self image, if I had to try and describe where it fits :~)