Nonbinary Lesbian Answering Questions

[ash2301]

Hi- I'm a nonbinary lesbian teen, and I want to help answer parents' questions about their LGBT+ kids/any other questions you have. Please be respectful, but there's no such thing as a stupid question

I have no idea what a non binary lesbian is 😬

How do you define nonbinary and how do you define lesbian?

How can you be non-binary and a lesbian? If you're not a female then I don't see how that's possible.

No idea what that is these days. Same sex attracted makes more sense than all this lady penis stuff. You know where you are with that.

What is your biological sex?

You could start there. What sex was observed at your birth then people might be able to ask questions?

In what way are you ‘non binary’ and why do you feel that you have to describe yourself as such? I’ve been a short haired, flat shod, no make up, trouser wearing woman for the last 34 years but no ones ever asked me whether I’m actually a woman or not. Should I consider becoming a non-binary? Do I have to pass some kind of a test and wear a badge?

"Nonbinary" means to not exclusively identify as male or female. I personally identify as about 2/3rds female to 1/3 neutral. This means that my attraction to women is gay and I like some gendered terms like "girlfriend", but I use they/them pronouns and have chosen a neutral name.

Yes but what is your biological sex?

What does 2/3 female mean? Does it mean you wear mascara and a pretty bra but favour DMs and have short hair?

Please could you explain?

So you were born female?

Not at all. Nonbinary doesn't relate to gender presentation at all. I am quite "feminine"-presenting (makeup, bob) and pass as a cis girl completely, and obviously there are lots of gender-nonconforming cis people too. I feel uncomfortable being referred to using she/her pronouns, which is how I came to realise that I am nonbinary. I experimented with he/him but that didn't feel right either, so now I use they/them. It sounds very wishy-washy to say that I "just felt" nonbinary, but that really is what it was.

I was a goth and wanted to be a vampire when I was your age. I mean really wanted to be.

I wasn’t though, no matter how much black lipstick I wore.

I am trying so hard to word this without appearing rude but can you see why people might feel the very need to define yourself in such precise terms as a bit nonsense? 2/3 female and 1/3 NB?

I’m female but I don’t align myself with many gendered roles or rules. Why should any of us? They are all made up. But I don’t have even an inkling why that makes me less female?

What do you mean precisely by 2/3 female- which bits of you?

I use they/them pronouns

I think everyone uses that when talking about more than one person. It's not a gay thing.

Have you considered getting a hobby? Do you think most people have enough time/ effort/ narcissism to decide what percentage of their mind is male or female?

Gender and gendered presentation are not the same thing. My choice of clothes etc. has no relationship with my gender identity. I say "2/3rds female" because my attraction to woman is definitely gay. When I am in a relationship I am a girlfriend, and I feel comfortable passing as a cis girl. However, there is definitely a part of me that is not female, and doesn't like she/her pronouns or some aspects of my biological sex (I'm assigned female at birth to answer another question). I can't exactly measure how much of myself isn't female as this isn't a science, but I use the 2/3rds statistic because I feel it gets my point across quite well.

So you're a girl who has a vagina and you fancy girls?

about 2/3rds female to 1/3 neutral

Define female.

I feel uncomfortable being referred to using she/her pronouns

Ignore pp, cross post. You mean you want everyone else to use a plural pronoun when referring to you?

Cis is a prohibited word on here and many of us find it offensive. Please do not use it.

Nonbinary means not to exclusively identify as male or female, not necessarily to shun those labels altogether.

Also, can you see how the concept of non binary actually undermines women’s rights and reinforces patriarchal ideas of what men and women ‘are’?

Therefore a young woman who doesn’t feel an affinity with traditionally female conditioning might say she’s non binary, which plays into the idea that if you’re not performing ‘femininity’ you’re not a woman - whereas actually she is a woman who just isn’t into reinforcing gender stereotypes.

What part of you is not female? If it's not your clothes, what is it?

I meant that those are the pronouns I like people to use to refer to me, sorry for the poor phrasing