Nonbinary Lesbian Answering Questions

[ash2301]

Hi- I'm a nonbinary lesbian teen, and I want to help answer parents' questions about their LGBT+ kids/any other questions you have. Please be respectful, but there's no such thing as a stupid question

And I agree if normal everyday speech is "triggering" you and causing anxiety that is a mental health issue that you need to seek help for, not a reason that everyone else should change their speech around you.

Hi op

Do you think that judging people on their gender is useful? Personally, I don't. I'd be much happier if we treated everyone the same, regardless of whether they wear dresses, trousers, or anything in between.

To me, gender is like your favourite food or music type. It's a small part of your identity, but you shouldn't be defined and judged on it.

I don't like not having a penis, for example

Why don't you just identify as having one. Problem solved.

^^

I am a woman, an adult human female.

Many years ago, I was a teenage girl and young woman.

I can recall loathing my body. I can recall thinking how unfair life was for girls.
I wondered, a lot, what it would be like to have a penis and have sex as a man, because, somehow, I had decided I knew how men got pleasure from sex but not how women did (this may have been linked to me finding and reading my dad's men's magazines! And....patriarchy).

It's confusing being a teenager. It's a bit shit being a young woman.

But, you grow out of it. You learn what's what.

And you're still female. A woman.

I still wonder now and then what it would be like to have sex as a man (but these days, I just ask men). But that doesn't make me "1/3rd male" or "1/3rd neutral". I'm a woman. A straight woman.

whatisthisfuckery
I wish there was a stand up and cheer emoji for an amazing post, your post. was so eloquent and very personal. And so much of it resonated with me.
👏👏👏👏
@ash2301

• Genitals are observed, but sex is assigned because it's a meaning that we add to those genitals do you actually realise how fucking stupid this statement is?

My DD and I are doing this all wrong.
I had CVS so knew I had a child with xx chromasomes and noticed at both that her genitals matched so we skipped the assigning after observing her sex.
DD has short hair,was mistaken briefly as a boy today and despite being diagnosed with anxiety failed to be bothered by it.
She has normal teenage body dysphoria and is exploring what she wants to wear now that she is in college.(We're past the goth phase and it's Doc martens and jeans so not confirming to stereotype)
She has gone through the lesbian,bi,pansexual bit and for now is rejecting labels and now if asked(because the young these days like their labels)says 'confused'.
She finds pronouns a mine field so uses people's names if talking about them and face to face you.

I'm going to say something which might not be popular but here goes... Get over the labels thing and just be your unique, individual self. I mean this in the kindest possible way

I'm assigned female at birth, but I could just as easily identify this way and be assigned male at birth.

I really take issue with this statement, as being categorically misleading and incorrect.

A lesbian is a female homosexual - a person is observed male or female at birth. Therefore, a person observed male at birth can simply not be a lesbian. Because lesbians are females, attracted to other females.

When you call yourself non-binary, or say you don't fully "identitfy as a woman" you sound like you are simply rejecting the gender stereotypes that countless women of countless generations have rejected. Those women sometimes call themselves feminists, and now seem to frequently be called "terfs" and threatened with violence. Which is a shame.

Instead of rejecting the word "woman" and "she" pronouns - why aren't you rejecting the female gender stereotypes that have imprisoned those humans born female for generations?

OP I don't want to cause you harm or distress so this is a general question.

Isn't it possible to not conform to societies expectations of a woman yet still be a woman? Why is that so wrong?

Yes! To whatisthisfuckery

OP in my younger days (long before gender identity was fashionable) I selected they/them pronouns in early social media & selected neutral sounding usernames, the only place that pronouns ever cropped up. Not because I felt some in between nb state, (I have no gendered feelings at all) but because I didn’t want people knowing I was female. I didn’t want people to know this because I was sick and tired of the sexism, the harassment, the creepy fuckers who stalked me and all the other bullshit that comes with being female, however the fuck we identify in our heads. I was uncomfortable with ’woman’ because it denotes a sense of being grown up and all the presumptions that came with being an adult woman like babies and marriage (it’s pushed from childhood as the norm and inescapable).

I was just being ridiculously immature. I am a woman. It’s the default of being an adult female. Pretending otherwise only worked online and even at that not very well. Truth is, you can identify In your head however the fuck you want but it doesn’t change the reality that society knows just by looking that you’re female, that unless we break down gender stereotypes and expectations (which the whole trans-enby thing buys into) you’re going to face the oppressions all females experience and pretending you are some kind of ‘other’ will never identify you out of those oppressions.

My question, do you think perhaps your need to identify as 1/3 not female is just an attempt to pretend these Female oppressions won’t affect you in an adult world?

Genitals are observed, but sex is assigned because it's a meaning that we add to those genitals.

No love. Sex is not assigned. Genitals indicate a mammal's reproductive capacity based on whether they are XX or XY. A vagina indicates the presence of a uterus and XX chromosomes and a penis indicates XY and testes etc (intersex disorders do not make this untrue)

These things would be true whether we used the words male or female, mloobar or floobar or if humans didn't even exist and only animals existed.

If you hate the word woman and 'she' have you ever questioned why that is? They only have meaning as far as society ascribes them meaning. If you get panic attacks when people observe that you are female and call you a woman might that have more to do with society's treatment of women and your internalised misogyny than some intrinsic gender identity?

Why do you call being unhappy with your body 'dysphoria'? Do you know that teenage girls have been unhappy with their bodies since time immemorial? Do you think that's something that only affects trans youth or that being unhappy with your body indicates a trans identity?

Exactly @CodenameVillanelle

Patriarchy wouldn't work for some airy fairy arbitrary symbolic 'meaning'. It has to know exactly who has which reproductive capacity in order to impose its dangerous double standards from birth in the 'correct' way.

Why did you experiment with he/him if you describe yourself as 2/3 female and 1/3 neutral?

If you’re non-binary why do you still use gendered terms like “girlfriend”? How are other people meant to know how to refer to you if you it seems to vary depending on which words you like?

Genitals are observed, but sex is assigned because it's a meaning that we add to those genitals. oh my fucking days. You have so much privilege to be concerned about how you view yourself. I hate this, it is just so fucking offensive.

I am 5/8 female (have 2 DCs), 3/8 male (do manly things like gardening or car washing), 1/8 neutral (do cleaning) oh, and 2/8 male as wear trousers and t shirts most of the time, oh but 1/8 female at weddings when in a dress, but swear like a trouper when annoyed 1/8 male, good at maths 1/8 male, but like making cakes 1/8 female.
Wow, I am some big person!

So OP realised being a woman is a bit of a shit lot, and doesn’t like to be reminded of it with she/her? kind of reasonable

I would love to see you re read this thread in about 10 years time. I think you will be mortified at how stupid the notion of being a third not-female is

Gender is complete bullshit and you need mammoth amounts of therapy if you actually have panic attacks because people can correctly-sex you on sight.

How much time have you spent exploring feminism compared with exploring being trans?

What does "woman" mean to you such that a third of your identity doesn't mesh with that meaning?

If you are bioligically female then dont say you pass as a cis woman! 🤷‍♀️

Actually it's disgusting that with all the problems in the world that we are facing - environmental catastrophe, political ridiculousness , much of the world hardly managing to feed themselves, people are deciding which percentages of themselves are male /female and getting offended about pronouns.

I just find it laughable and offensive both at the same time.

I do have sympathy for these kids because finding your tribe is so very important at this age and stage of life, and this stuff is everywhere.

It’s so so weird though how it’s being validated by the adults around them and the media, and even government policy. There’s something quite sinister at play.

My question, do you think perhaps your need to identify as 1/3 not female is just an attempt to pretend these Female oppressions won’t affect you in an adult world? And a free pass to opt out of the fight against them even though you benefit from the efforts of those who do.