I would appreciate some advice for a 7yo who identifies as F2m.

[Ginburee]

My first ever thread despite having lurked for years.
My 7yo daughter (and yes we use pronouns ATM) has lived as a boy since she was 3/4. Wears nothing but clothes bought in the male section and plays with stereotypical boys toys.
We have been totally child led and supportive and now we are heading to junior school am on the edge- do I see the GP and get a referral or carry on as we are?
She desperately wants to be a boy but had never specifically said she is one but we had an almighty tantrum on holiday as she didn't want to wear the rash vest that went with her shorts and just wanted trunks.
I am really open to her seeing other people but have been having an email conversation with GP and they have no idea what to do with a trans child so will refer on.
I am heading into unknown territory, hubby is supportive to a point but thinks if we have a referral they will 'push more trans issues' and he feels we should carry on as we are.
My child easily passes for a boy and has an adaptable name that she has been using for the last few years.
I could really do with (a massive gin and a big hug) and some advice from people who have been there.

I have always been so proud of my daughter for subverting 'gender norms'. I don't need her to change sex to comply with them.

@Ginburee If you're still here, which I sadly doubt, I hope you're doing ok.

Gender dysphoria can happen in young children

And as I understand it, gender dysphasia doesn't necessarily have to end in transitioning. With the right support the young person can feel ok in their own body. But I gather that such children will often come out as gay, eventually.

Someone asked upthread that the OP think about what her DD gets out of taking on activities and clothing etcthat are coded "boy" in our culture.

That's a really good question. Is there more leeway given to boys in your circle of family and friends? Are boys praised in a particular way? Is she seeking approval from her father in a particular way? Wants to be like him? etc etc

But thinking more broadly about what any girl or woman might get out of performing as a boy/man:
15% higher pay
Cheaper clothes and haircuts
Automatic ceding of public space
People listening to you
People assuming you're the leader of a group or team
Freedom to move about as you wish in public space with no "advice " given to you about limiting your freedom for your own safety
Physical freedom
Freedom to dress as you wish
Sexual freedom

I could go on.

We should all start to identify as men, actually.

Would rather explore the possibility of ftm transition than consider homosexuality

Yes. This is so sad.

Felt the need to reply.
Only to say OP, although I don't have any constructive advice (DC 5&4) if I could give you a massive squeeze I would! I have no idea how I would cope when presented with a situation where you can sense your child is unhappy about something so difficult.

As for other posters, I started my periods at 9 yo, so potentially this issue could blow up in the next few years, and it is a very relevant concern.

I wish some people would be more supportive. Like it or not, society is changing massively and rapidly. You can either try to keep an open mind and adapt, or dig your heels in and get left behind.

I hope you and your child find a happy solution to all of this. Best of luck x

society is changing massively and rapidly. You can either try to keep an open mind and adapt, or dig your heels in and get left behind

Wow

Get left behind?

As I see it, we are mearly stand by the side watching a car crash in slow motion.

(Society not this thread)

this 1. Do you WANT to have a child who is unhappy and " different " to fulfill your own need for attention and to prove your coolness ? Because most parents who genuinely do have a child with gender dysphoria would give anything for their child to be well and happy . It's not a thing that you want to bring on your own family to show how 'right on ' you are x100

i would not wish what we are going through with our teen on anyone.

I'm so sorry moo moo, I know it's heartbreaking to see your precious child so unwell and unhappy. Especially when there seems to be so little help for them and support for you.

thankyou kr1stina

@TheWitchAndTrevor ** sorry, but that's how I feel. Referring to life (re this post) as you have is disgraceful!

These are fast moving times. Adapt, be open minded. Be supportive.

We are not all the same and as such neither are our problems.

I've not read whole thread

My friends DD from age 3 -13 was convinced she was a boy, had boy clothes, had very short hair, would only wear underpants etc

She's now 15. She has long hair and is very into sport and mostly wears sports clothing but will when appropriate wear a dress. She just hadn't found her tribe for a better word.

I can't believe that gender in 2017 is judged by what we are reading, wearing

I grew up wearing boys clothes and doing boys activities. I am most definitely a woman. My DD is the same

notsobeachready

May I ask you a couple questions?

Why do you think, society is changing massively and rapidly in this direction?

What is it that is changing?

It's rubbish. It's a little kid. Do you think working class people are hand wringing because Joanne is wearing Jaydens clothes

Children are very suggestible and have no idea of the long term consequences of some of the things that they come up with from things they have heard on the media (or even, unfortunately, from teachers) .

I have a friend who has transitioned from male to female - the surgery, the whole works. She is now a "woman" - she is about 6 foot 5 inches, has huge male feet, a masculine face with a big hooked nose and she looks frankly ridiculous. There is no way on earth that she can pass as female, and is now neither fish nor fowl. I feel very sad that she has undergone this dangerous surgery for such an unsatisfactory result and I fear for her future mental health. It requires an immense degree of chutzpah to carry this off and stay sane.

Children need to be protected from such disastrous irreversible actions.

I wouldn't make a big deal over it at the moment. It could go either way. I do believe people can be born with the wrong genitals to what their mental state is but at the same time it may be a phase. Time will tell but I wouldn't push your child either way. Its like a tick the more you mention it and point it out the more you notice it. just let your child be a child. You seem like a very supportive mom and either way your child is very lucky.

Be very clear with her that she will always be a girl because that's the way she was born, but as a girl she can wear anything she likes, have any kind of fair cut, play any kind of games, follow any hobby interest or career she likes.

Hang on.

Am I reading the ages right...she decided she was a boy about the time her sibling was born or not long after?

Did this intensify after the birth of the third, any chance?

Does she get a lot of attention over this? Is it her way of trying to keep your interest / be ‘different’ and noticeable?

Is it possible that because she’s your eldest you treat her like she’s older than she is and assign too much certainty / development to her decisions?

Ah shit sorry it’s an old thread

I was like this at 7. Would have given ANYTHING to be a boy. I slowly grew out of the phase around 11.

My mum never made a thing of it.

I'm not a feminine straight married mother.