Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

I would appreciate some advice for a 7yo who identifies as F2m.

219 replies

Ginburee · 21/08/2017 21:13

My first ever thread despite having lurked for years.
My 7yo daughter (and yes we use pronouns ATM) has lived as a boy since she was 3/4. Wears nothing but clothes bought in the male section and plays with stereotypical boys toys.
We have been totally child led and supportive and now we are heading to junior school am on the edge- do I see the GP and get a referral or carry on as we are?
She desperately wants to be a boy but had never specifically said she is one but we had an almighty tantrum on holiday as she didn't want to wear the rash vest that went with her shorts and just wanted trunks.
I am really open to her seeing other people but have been having an email conversation with GP and they have no idea what to do with a trans child so will refer on.
I am heading into unknown territory, hubby is supportive to a point but thinks if we have a referral they will 'push more trans issues' and he feels we should carry on as we are.
My child easily passes for a boy and has an adaptable name that she has been using for the last few years.
I could really do with (a massive gin and a big hug) and some advice from people who have been there.

OP posts:
titchy · 21/08/2017 21:42

Don't contact Mermaids please. Unless you want to start on a path she can never return from.

PaintingByNumbers · 21/08/2017 21:44

As an aside really, if your child continues to struggle with acceptance of puberty/changes, I would have a quick read of symptoms of aspergers in girls just to see if it rings any bells. It is linked to gender dysphoria

nagsandovalballs · 21/08/2017 21:45

I was that kid. Chucked out of girls bathrooms cos they thought I was a boy. Tantrums over haircuts and clothes. I'm now a straight/bi woman who wears dresses. Play rugby and like extreme sports. Most of my friends are gay women of the non girly variety. I do not want to be a boy now.

RaininSummer · 21/08/2017 21:47

Lots of sensible posters above just reminding you that you have a young child who prefers to have short hair etc. Please don't lead them down the trans path deliberately. No massive decisions need making.

WhamBarsArentAsFizzyAsTheyWere · 21/08/2017 21:51

Contact mermaid for advice.

DO NOT CONTACT MERMAIDS FOR ADVICE.

They have an agenda that suits themselves and it is harmful to the people they are supposed to be helping.

I suggest private counselling. When you find the correct person to help it makes all the difference.

Also research, research and research again. Don't hide any of the negative stuff from your child.

ruddynorah · 21/08/2017 21:51

She is wearing what she wants and playing with what she wants. That doesn't make her a different gender. It's just clothes and stuff.

SirVixofVixHall · 21/08/2017 21:52

"living as a boy" OP she is living as a child. A child like any other who has likes and dislikes. She is seven years old. Pushing an adult agenda of transgenderism onto a tiny child ? Why on earth would you want to do that? Leave her be, she has a personality, she isn't a boy born in "the wrong body" that is hogwash. Do not contact bloody Mermaids unless you want your dd on puberty blockers and onward to breast amputation and sterility. Just let her be the child she is.

wannabestressfree · 21/08/2017 21:53

Thank goodness for the majority of posters on here! Your child is seven!!!!
I am so angry anyone would encourage another to push their child down the non/ binary/ identifying as a unicorn rubbish......
She hasn't 'duped' anyone.... she is a curious child.
Ugh.

Isadora2007 · 21/08/2017 21:53

Are you all saying that your child from age 3/4 doesn't know what sex they are? In my experience, all children do. Definitely by 4 as age 3 they may say "I'm a girl but when I grow up I will be a daddy" or similar. But most by age 4 know which they are and are often able to identify other people by their sex as well.

So what if your child who is a girl says she is actually a boy? Not her toy preferences (where did OP say she wanted to play with trains or cars? Stereotyping much?) but her self identification. Children can and do identify themselves as their sex. It must be very difficult when your child consistently says they are a different sex.
Fwiw there must be some support out there that isn't too extreme for now. Age 7:8 is close to puberty but not quite there.
Is there a gender fluid option available? To just be "jac" and not need to be a boy or a girl as such for now? Or what does s/he say would make them happy for moving up schools?

It's a tough one OP.

Kardashianlove · 21/08/2017 21:54

Just out of curiosity, why the massive tantrum on holiday if she wanted to just wear the shorts and not the top?
I'm really confused why this would even be a conversation.

Obviously am only going off one example but sounds like possibly you are making some things a bigger deal and a boy/girl thing when they don't need to be.

My cousin dressed in boys clothes (including boxer shorts) all from boys section and had short hair for YEARS (what people would call a 'boys' cut rather than a pixie cut/bob), she wasn't what lots of people call 'girly' at all.
She is now married to a man and has DC.

I often think it's a good job she isn't growing up now as it went on for years and years and she may have ended up convinced she was transgender and got really messed up.

Just let your DD be, toys are toys, clothes are clothes, hair is hair. No need for boys/girls things.

SummerflowerXx · 21/08/2017 21:55

A child is a child - there is a boy at DS' school with the most gorgeous long blonde hair and elfin features. He is definitely a boy and that is how it should be. It is a sad day where children cannot have likes and dislikes without being put on an irreversible path to sex change or infertility.

Tralalalalz · 21/08/2017 21:56

She's 7 and she's not a boy, she's a girl who has the same interests as the boys. This does not make her a boy. I've got a daughter the same who is now approaching the pre-teen years and she's an incredibly cool girl who knows her own mind and doesn't follow the crowd. Her friends are mostly boys, her interests are mostly boys, her clothing is mostly boys but she's a girl and we have never ever discussed her being a boy, just told her that it's great to follow her own interests. Please don't do anything at all, there's no reason to at all

Copperbeech33 · 21/08/2017 21:59

she is 7. its craziness to suggest she has orininated any thoughts what so ever about boobs for herself, since the time she looked at them and thought "dinner!" somebody has been feeding her a line, 7 year olds do not get upset at the thought they will have boobs one day, and obviously someone has told her she can get them cut off.

It makes no more sense than a 7 year old saying"I don't want my feet to grow, so I'm going to get all my toes cut off"

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 21/08/2017 22:00

Please don't contact Mermaids unless you are a-okay with homophobia.

RiverTam · 21/08/2017 22:00

How on earth dies she know 'you can get your boobs cut off?' I would take a good look at what she's accessing in the Internet and get that sorted asap. That is not something any 7 year old should know about.

PaintingByNumbers · 21/08/2017 22:02

Its not remotely tough at all?
Let your child wear what they want (she sounds very 70s child - we all just wore pants on the beach and played with so called 'boys toys') play with what they want, know they can grow up to do what they want, but remind them every now and then about puberty and physical changes. Job done.

Tigresswoods · 21/08/2017 22:03

Like several other posters I was exactly like you DD at 7. Short hair, wanted a boy's name, horrified about wearing dresses/skirts.

However I gradually grew out of the phase around 11/12 & am very much a straight married mother. I've no desire to be a man.

As some have said go with it but I'd avoid labelling at such a young age. She may feel she can't go back & lose face in the future.

It frustrates me that people suggest telling kids they are born in the wrong body. I think back & if I'd been told that I reckon I'd be really screwed up now. Instead I was a girl who enjoyed some typically boy things which was fine.

PaintingByNumbers · 21/08/2017 22:04

About puberty though, I can imagine that. My dd is probably aspie, she has always freaked massively at the idea of puberty. She says stuff like that. Its the idea of change that freaks her out.

HappyLollipop · 21/08/2017 22:08

She's 7 years old, leave her be for now and revisit the issue when she has a better understanding of gender and sexuality. I know a couple girls like that one is a lesbian and the other got more into 'girly' stuff but her style is still pretty edgy and a bit boyish and is now in a long term relationship with a man but both are happy being women they just don't conform to gender norms! I feel it would be wrong to jump to the conclusion she wants to be a 'man' when she's not gone through puberty yet!

titchy · 21/08/2017 22:09

So what if your child who is a girl says she is actually a boy?

When small children say that what they generally mean is they like stuff the other sex children generally like. They don't have the self awareness or experience (sadly) to understand that girls can like trains and boys can like playing with the toy kitchen. And they are so very very aware by the age of 3 that some toys are for boys and some are for girls.

Sadly the pushing of the trans agenda and acceptance of trans just means that gender stereotypes like boys toys and girls toys, and boy clothes and girl clothes, just get more firmly embedded. It's a real shame, we were doing so well at embracing gender neutrality till recently.

SparklingMonkey · 21/08/2017 22:11

Just want to add that when I was a child I was a massive tomboy - I had 3 brothers which probably helped with that! I always said I wished I was a boy, could I be a boy etc etc. I am so glad I grew up when I did and not today, as I would have been so confused and easily labled by other people as trans - which I never was, I just wanted to wear boys clothes, play in the dirt and with what now would be considered 'boy toys'!

I am very happily a woman, no longer wish to be a boy! I think a lot of these issues would be sorted if there was less focus on gender stereotypes, toys etc. I work in a STEM field, wear make up, dress in jeans and hoodies and hate gender stereotypes!

I'd say nicely as possible, just back of a bit and let her be a tomboy, but still a girl!

cuirderussie · 21/08/2017 22:11

I was like this in the 70s. Short hair, dressed like my brother, played football, thought dolls were stupid. I never thought I'd be harking back to the 70s as some great time but no-one paid any attention to this or thought it was weird. I grew up to be straight and fairly feminine-presenting. She's SEVEN fgs. SEVEN. Hmm

Cherrytart6 · 21/08/2017 22:14

Don't do anything. I know it's trendy to push referrals but it's better to use common sense. She's not broken and doesn't need fixing. She's just a child who happens to be into traditionally masculine things. Just because she likes traditionally masculine things doesn't mean she should have a sex change. Accept her for who she is and stop trying to fit her into your defined boxes. She can make her own decisions when shes old enough and understands the gravity involved. A child isn't in a position to truly understand.

Lots of girls are tom boys. It's very normal. Mine like blue, cars, DIY and have short hair. They aren't keen on getting books (yet) but they also dislike the idea of pubic hair and wearing dresses. As an adult I'm the same but there's no way I'd want to be a man

ruddynorah · 21/08/2017 22:14

It's not your job to help her become a boy. It's your job to show her that her gender doesn't limit what she can do or wear or anything else.

Blossomdeary · 21/08/2017 22:17

She is seven. Leave her be. Just love her. That is all she needs.